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Monday, February 26, 2007

DSL Is Broken

You may notice today's post is late. Well the DSL is broken. So I had to relocate to my favorite FREE wireless hotspot in the whole entire cosmos - Titanic Bar and Grill. They make their own beer. So there may be typos. And cursing. And shit like that. You see, it is impossible to come to this place and not have a beer or five. Or two. Or sometimes only one. But I have some beer OCD - I like to drink even numbers. Two, four, six, and so on. Rarely one, three, five, seven, and so on. Even numbers!

So I had to do battle with the Bellsouth DSL people today. Did I ever mention I hate tech support? I know what the problem is OK - so stop asking me stupid questions that do not relate to anything. Like "how many computers do you have connected"? Who cares! It is none of your business OK? Maybe I have 10,000 computers connected all calculating Pi to as many decimal places as possible. What does it matter how many computers I have - I said "my DSL connection is not working" not "my computer is broken".

So after 20 minutes on the phone and 50 stupid questions they figured that the DSL modem was broken and that I should order a new one from them for $75. YEA RIGHT! I got connections. I got the first DSL modem / router for free - what makes them think I am going to pay for another one?

So I called my hookup and was told that he would try to get a minion in Miami to drop off a new modem, or he will ship me one from parts unknown. In the meantime I will buy one from Best Buy or CompUSA. I can return that one once the free one arrives.

New Iguana Music! Click the play button thing to your right. And then pass it on the left hand side. And don't bogart!

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12 Comments:

Blogger Matt said...

The idea of paying the ISP for a modem is anathema to me, much less forking over $75. How do they even figure?

I love the stupid questions. They assume you've really fucked it up somehow on your end.

16:09  
Blogger Badoozie said...

calling testical support is like taking a trip to a middle eastern country but not that you want to.
hope you get hooked up soon, we can't be having this posting at awkward times

17:17  
Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

I never have trouble with my connection. Are you sure you have it plugged in?

20:23  
Blogger Badoozie said...

don't you just want to hit senor right now?

22:43  
Anonymous beenthere said...

When my DSL quit they told me the same thing. The light was on showing I was connected but it would not log in. After 2 hours of them say unplug it plug it back in blah blah blah they said they would send me a new one which I refused made them send the guy with the "truck". They sent some guy in a kia...he spend 2 hours doing what tech support guy did even though I told him to try his own modem first and computer first so he would see it was not my setup. dee de dee....nothing works. Then he calls in and finds out they where in the middle of a upgrade in the area and that my connection would be back up by 6pm and left. At 6pm no juice..605pm we had McDonald's! Just proves that they are all clueless. If they would have checked the maintenance info nobody would have had to do anything. 7 days later a new free modem showed up in the mail. I sold it on ebay!

00:29  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I hate tech support and I used to work as a tech support person! Back in the days of dial up--sorry, can't help with your DSL problem.
Most of the people I worked with were freaks who spent all their free time surfing Internet porn.

02:51  
Blogger actonbell said...

Oh, tech support. We were having mondo problems when we first got DSL, and it seems that tech support has been outsourced to India, or somewhere where English isn't the first language, and they also told us we'd pay for this or that. FINALLY, we got ahold of the right person, and a really competent guy from Verizon came out and found three different issues, all Verizon's fault.

Happy ending, but what a headache!
Um, what's bogarting?

18:36  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Matt - DSL modems are free. You just have to bribe the right person.

Badoozie - yea tech support sucks ass. It sucks and blows ass at the same time, which takes a lot of talent. Not anyone can do that you know.

Caiman - my DSL has been mostly truuble free. Up to now that is.

beenthere - I shall overcome this problem. count on it. I have nothing else to do but bug the shit out of Bellsouth.

CM - you must have fit right in with the rest of the support guys!

18:38  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Actionbell - "bogarting" is when you forget to pass the joint because you are already soooo stoned that you do not even realize the dog is taking a leak on your leg.

18:39  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Actually, I was a freak because I only viewed normal pornography involving people that weren't tied up. I was stupid enough to date one of my co-workers. Talk about a creepy experience! He had files in his computer that would drive the most balanced person to insanity. I did not think that there were actually people who had sex with goats. I would prefer to continue to believe that this was a joke. Will I have no naievete left to save me when I depart this life??
Now you know why tech support sucks so much!

01:00  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Geez. Sounds like a bunch of sex deprived freaks.

I think my tech support people were in India. I wonder what kind of crazy smut they have over there.

08:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well.. even if you paid for the first modem,warranty covers it for only one year...

21:35  

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