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Friday, March 23, 2007

Good For Everyone Else - But Not Me

Yesterday Miami-Dade County officially went on level 1 water restrictions. This means that you can only water your lawn every other day EXCEPT for Friday. Friday is no watering day. Even number addresses get Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Odd addresses get Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday.

Watering can only by done from the hours of 4 - 8 AM. Hand watering with a hose and an automatic shut off nozzle thing can be done on designated watering days from 5 - 7 PM.

OK so I can deal with that. No problem. Lawn dies and that means no mowing.

New landscaping planted less than 30 days can be watered Monday - Friday 2 - 8 AM. WHAT!?!?!? Those are unholy hours to be up, watering plants! So no planting stuff in the front yard where the neighbors and water police can see. The backyard is hidden from view.

Washing of cars is restricted to the the above guidelines for landscape watering times and days. But you can wash equipment from 5 - 7 PM, which is not such an unholy time to be doing things like that. Rinse water from equipment must drain onto an unpaved surface, so the water can soak into the ground.

The above applies to ALL sources of water except reclaimed water. Reclaimed water is unrestricted. But if you are one of those people that pump water from a canal or lake to water your lawn - better not use it! Or else you are a water criminal, and could be subjected to water boarding by the water police.

And I can deal with all of the above. I mean the lawn is a pain in the ass anyway. Always needing to be mowed. So if it gets a little brown then no big loss. It will grow back. It always does. And if I can not wash the truck life will go on. People waste too much water on stupid shit like that anyway. Who cares if my truck has dirt on it? IT IS A TRUCK! It is supposed to have dirt on it.

The problem I will have with the water police is the boat. The boat counts as "equipment", and can only be "washed" on designated wash/watering days and hours. And ONLY with an automatic shut off device or low volume pressure washer.

Uhhhhh...OK! So how do you water police suggest I flush the engine huh? My only option here is to put the ear muffs on the water intake of the lower unit, connect the hose WITHOUT any shut off device, turn the hose on full blast, and crank the engine. Not enough water flow = damage to the rubber water pump = overheated engine = engine damage = costly repair bill = sad me. And realize water police that the engine needs to be run at least every other week, watering day or not. I like to run it weekly. This keeps all engine parts coated in a two cycle oil / gas mixture.

The GOOD part is that I am allowed to wash down the boat every day at any time for 15 minutes after it has been in the salt water. Not a problem! I wash the trailer down for a few minutes, concentrating on the wheels. Figure 3 - 5 minutes here TOPS!

Then I fill a bucket 1/2 with water and add the boat soap. Swab the deck and gunnels with the soapy water, and rinse. 5 minutes here. I could forgo the soap and just wash everything down with fresh water and save some time.

Next the flushing of the engine. Another 5 minutes. This adds up to 15 minutes. But are the water cops going to be there with a stopwatch? If they are, I can guarantee a few "accidents" where the hose "gets away from me" and soaks them. OOPS!

And now the best part. The cool water saving rhyme. If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down. Got it? If you just take a piss, it is OK to not flush, but if you crap then pull that handle! This will save 3 - 5 gallons per piss, unless you have a fancy new low volume toilet. Where I live the toilets were made by Ancient Romans - so they use at least 5 gallons per flush. Maybe more.

What I would like to do is install a pisser. That would be cool. Those things use a pint or less of water per flush. I can tell the water police that the water I save in the toilet can be used on the boat.



Anonymous senor caiman said...

The Lazy,

The good thing about the water police is they accept bribes.

I am surprised that you can use unlimited reclaimed water. Pinellas County has tight restrictions on reclaimed water. When they sold me on reclaimed water they claimed it would be unlimited. I spent close to $10k getting my properties hooked up and then they started restricting the reclaimed water, oh that made me mad.

May I suggest you run your boat in a fresh water lake every once in a while.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Caiman - Dade County claims no restrictions on reclaimed water. But I figure I can beat them to the punch by just pissing on the front lawn. Let the yard reclaim the water - and get a nitrogen boost in the process.

There are no fresh water lakes close enough to launch the boat. There are canals, but the ramps for them are not really for anything larger than jet ski or canoe.

Anonymous Got-no-stinking-stink-water said...

Where is one to get reclaimed water in Miami-Dade? Oh thats right there is none because it all goes out in ocean because the fish need water....

If you get a pisser get one of those new fangled waterless type like they have at the Miami Beach Convention Center. How they stay clean is a mystery. But you would be saving water.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If piss is recycled beer shouldn't it make reclaimed beer instead of reclaimed water?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

The reclaimed water in Dade County is hogged up by worthless golf courses. And I think that it also goes to those SFWMD "watershed" areas. You know like the marsh lands north of the Tamiami Canal and south of I-75.

Beer should only be made from pure clean spring water.

Blogger dusty said...

Dude..that SO sucks! My condolences..jesus..those are some shitty hours for watering..I can hear it now..

Hazel, get your ass up and water the lawn.

Ralph, screw you, I got up last night at 3 friggin am to water..its your turn fat ass.

Hazel, get up and water the damn lawn or I will drop kick your cat into the next block.

marriages will break up over this shit..unless they have timers..then its no big.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

People do not need to water their lawns so much. Because of assholes that over water on a regular basis - EVERYONE has to go on restrictions now.

If it gets really bad, Ill just steal a car and crash into the fire plug across the street. This will flood several yards. FREE WATER!

Blogger Kristen said...

Water restrictions in spring...that just seems so wrong.

We still have mountains of parking lot snow, which is only black on the top. During the winter, I saw giant (way bigger than normal) dump trucks hauling snow off to more wide open spaces to make room for cars and parking and such. If it were possible to drive it down to you, that would make so much sense. I think, however, that it would melt and leak out of the dump trucks en route.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Kristen - it is not really that bad. I think they jumped the gun here a bit. It has rained EVERY NIGHT since the restrictions were announced. People have not had to water anything, nature is taking care of that.


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