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Saturday, June 16, 2007

Won't Eat Prunes Again

So for some reason I remembered what could possibly be the greatest kids TV show ever produced. We can thank Canada for this show. I could not find a You Tube link, but I found one full episode on Real Player! You need to have Real Player and then click HERE! Pretty cool huh?

I am not going to reveal what the show is, you have to click THERE and have Real Player installed. Otherwise, you will never know what it is. And when I ask you what the show is and you say "I don't know" you get a bucket of green slime dumped on your head. Every episode someone got slimed. And water dumped on them. Usually more than once. Some episodes have been banned. This show would never get produced today.

Anyway, by the time the this episode aired it was 1985. I was 11 years old by then and had probably stopped watching this show. But whatever. Still good stuff.

Now that this total waste of time is out of the way, I can move on to something else. But I forgot what that is.

OH YEA! The tetracycline I got from the dentist. This creates a conundrum. You see, when on antibiotics you are not supposed to have alcohol. It prevents the stuff from working as well. For some reason. You would think that the opposite would be true. Alcohol kills germs right? So using simple logic one would conclude that alcohol would HELP the antibiotics.

But that is not the case.

But what do they mean by "no alcohol"? Do they mean "no alcohol" as in "NO alcohol" or do they mean "you can not get shit faced and pass out in the front yard bare ass naked so that the neighbors discover you when they wake up to go to work and poke you with a stick to see if you are still alive"? Because there is a big difference in that and just having a beer or two. And if they said "you can have a beer" then people would take that to mean "lets get totally wasted and see how much we can vomit".

Or does it really mean "NO alcohol you wastoid! What are you, some sort of alkie or something? Maybe you need to go to rehab. With Brittney". I would probably go to rehab with Britney. Why not. Even if I do not really need to dry out.

And my tetracycline was injected directly into the gum pocket. I am not taking pills. So in theory the medicine powder is in there. Where the bacteria are. It does not have to dissolve into my blood stream and get carried there. It is there because it was put there! So how can alcohol effect it? Huh? Someone tell me.

Oh yea the booklet that they sent me home with mentions a few things. Like not to floss for 10 days. WTF?!?! If I do not floss how the hell can I get crud out of my teeth? Do you have any idea how much it sucks to get something stuck in your teeth and NOT BE ABLE TO REMOVE IT? I think I would go insane.

It also says "no hard, crunchy, or sticky foods". So what the hell can I eat? Ice cream? NO, can't do that! The ice cream may have fudge or caramel in it! So scratch that. HEY I KNOW! Chicken wings! I can eat those right? Nope! No wings. They said that counts as a "sticky" food. And the celery sticks are "crunchy". They also said steak is a "crunchy" food. I said that steak is in fact NOT crunchy unless you are an idiot and do not know how to cook it. Steak is NOT crunchy. Those people must cook their steak till it is charcoal.

So I decided that "crispy" is not "crunchy". The propaganda did not mention "crispy". So those foods are in the table. Now follow me here because this gets highly technical. I can not eat potato chips because the bag says "crunchy". But I CAN eat "Munchos" because the bag says "crispy". See how that works? Potato crisps = OK. Potato chips = crunchy and not OK.

But really. YOU tell me a food that is not crunchy, sticky, or hard. Well go on! Lets hear it! Meatloaf you say? OK you are right. So what else? What the hell am I supposed to eat? Nothing but meatloaf for 10 days? OH I KNOW! Jello! Seeing as how I am in Florida I can get that "super protein jello" stuff made for old people who loose their dentures. So I can eat that. But it only comes in one flavor. PRUNE. By the way, that prune link is to today's top secret ultra rare Iguana Music special that you have probably never heard before. It was recorded by the weird one many decades ago. Never released, but somehow I got it.

But anyway - prune jello is out.

By the way, there is new regular Iguana Music too. I just put it up. You can only play one at a time. So pick one. Then your nose. Wipe it on someone you do not like too much. It keeps them away.

The good news is that the propaganda does not say beans about alcohol. So I guess beer is OK. when I go back in September they will know if the pockets got better or not. If not Ill just get more powder and adopt a stricter definition of "crunchy".

Today I plan to go to my place, have a beer, and maybe even scarf some yummy chicken wings. Or just have a turkey club sandwich. I discovered those are good. I have been going to this place for YEARS now but every time I still ask for a menu even though I know what is on it. And can you believe I never ordered the turkey club? Terrible.

Oh yea this place has two vegetarian things on the menu. Well actually more but work with me here. The "garden burger" which is actually pretty good and the "penni pasta". It even says "vegetarian dish" in the menu description. But get this - it contains ANCHOVIES! Get it? I ordered it twice. The second time I asked to leave out the salty hairy nasty fish. They did. It was better. But I do not go there for serious food. I go there for the beer mainly. And the wings. They are hot. But not too hot. The burgers are also good.

And they have......meatloaf. Yippie. Something I can eat.



Blogger Cheesemeister said...

There is a certain salad dressing where the salty, hairy fish are actually a good flavor enhancer. I believe it's called Salty Hairy Fish Salad Dressing. Actually I can't remember--fah! It uses anchovy paste which for some reason makes it really good. I once took a dare and tried anchovies on pizza. I was looking for Bill the Cat to come eat the pizza! That was BAAAAAD!

Blogger Daisy said...

Hmmm. I would opt for the all-ice-cream diet. Without any added crunchies.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't want to download that thing.

Maybe they want you to eat pudding and applesauce, or technically you could take any food in those categories and blender them. Put an entire 3 course meal in the blender and there you go.

drink 12 beers first so you don't get grossed out

have a great day

Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

I always ask the hot dental assistant what she's going to do if I do floss.

I do not like the taste of prunes, nasty.

It is great to have regular places to eat, sometimes I feel like Norm.

Hope your mouth gets better.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - that would be Caesar Dressing. I think. Too much anchovies makes it taste like ass. Salty fishy ass.

Daisy - what about the brain freeze?

Ba Doozie - what thing? The mystery TV show? No big deal. It is streaming video. I thought about the blender. But I have too much pride.

Krokodil - I try not to upset the hot dental assistant too much while she is holding sharp things in my mouth. That just seems like a bad idea. It is hard to hit on a chick while she is finding chunks of chicken wings you thought were removed from your teeth but in reality have been in there for who knows how long. Prunes are horrible. I like going back to the same places. As long as I do not eat there and get sick. My mouth is fine. Just a few very shallow pockets. But that is solved thanks to chemistry.

Anonymous Tropicana be bad said...

The Lazy,

Those OJ links are classic. I especially like the acne cream that conceals stab wounds.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

My personal favorite is the O.J. Bitch Jack For Women.

Anonymous dementoid said...

That show was great I used to watch it all the time. Sorry to hear some of the episodes are banned. Guess the all the Three Stooges Shows have been banned then also.

Never heard the Prunes tune and at one time had all of the weird ones stuff. But that was in the early 80's before he got really big. Back when he was only heard on the Dr. Demento show.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

The Prunes song was apparently made while The Weird One was in college. I think it was recorded in a bathroom just before class. This would explain the less than good production quality. ONLY played on the Dr. Demento Show. And now here.

You Can't Do That On Television is now a cult classic.


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