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Friday, September 21, 2007

My Schedule

So how bad is my memory? You really want to know? It is so bad that I am posting some upcoming IMPORTANT events here so I might not forget.

1. I have a dentist appointment next Wednesday as 10 or 11 AM. I forgot the exact time. I HAD a dentist appointment on International Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 19) at 2 PM but I forgot about it. They are being nice and not charging me for the missed visit. I think. They do say that they CAN charge for missed appointments. And they do have my credit card info on file. So they could charge it. But of they do then I will pull out my ace and do the whole "remove this charge or you loose a patient" shit. It may work. But I kind of like this dentist. So I do not want to go somewhere else.

2. I got a job interview on October 2, at 10:30 or 10:45 or something. Maybe 10:15. I forgot the exact time. Yea I know - this is BAD. One should never ever forget important things like this. But I did. This is OK, I ALWAYS show up to these things early. I plan to be there before 10 AM. I will probably show up at 9 AM so I can chill out somewhere and have some coffee and relax and meditate and so on. Breathe in.........breath some shots of Cuban Coffee. It helps me hone my fine powers of concentration and zen. Also if some asshole pissed me off in traffic (HIGHLY probable given this is Miami) I will be able to forget about it as I relax and breathe and stuff for a half hour or so before the big event. Also I will not have to sit in my truck getting more and more and more upset because the traffic is sofa king horrible and I am going to be late and this jerk in front of me better hang up that cell phone before I shove it up his ass so far the doctors have to extract it out of their throat. Being late to an interview is new job suicide. Looks REALLY bad. Awful. Terrible. El stinko.Of all the bad things to do at an interview, being late is the worst. Forgetting to wear pants is second worse. So I always make every effort to be early. And showered. And clean shaven. I done got my hair cut Sunday, so I will not have the "just got a haircut" look. It will be like I am ALWAYS well groomed and never get lazy and put off going to the barber. I keep a spare pair of pants in tje truck in case of emergencies. And so on.

3. On the 25th I have to go out for more boat training - at night. I have not forgotten this yet. But there is always time! Stranger things have happened. Night boat operations are a lot different from daytime operations. You can not really see anything. You just have to use the force and somehow "know" where you are, and that you are not going to hit anything. The crazy thing is that this works.

4. Columbus Day is October 8. So I HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO find the time to finish the boat project. The boat needs the 70 PSI 5.3 gallons per minute wash down pump installed. I might get drunk and puke then have to wash the puke off the deck. Or someone else might get drunk and puke. Hopefully it will be overboard. But the REAL use of the wash down pump is to soak people. Squirt me with a water gun huh? Cute. But I have a HOSE! Hose beats water gun every time. Also I want to re-plumb the floor lockers / fish box to bump overboard as opposed to the bilge. I will take care of the fish boxes this weekend. I need to try to find two fittings, some hose, and some stainless steel ring clamps. I can find all this at the boat store. The people at the boat store know me. I am there twice a week to instruct / assist with a boating safety class. I walk in and they are all like "HEY! Look at this table full of clearance items!". Bastards. They know my one weakness. I think they read this blog.

5. I totally forgot I took a beer out of the fridge. I am just remembering now. I am wondering why I am thirsty, and then I realize that the beer is on the table. I think it is unopened. Yes, it is unopened. I remember now. I got it out of the fridge, then went to look for a bottle opener and forgot I was looking for a bottle opener. I noticed the cats were out of water, and bugging me for food. So I took care of that. And then my fried eggs were done, and the toasted hamburger bun was done. So I make the fried egg sandwich, and eat it. Without the beer. So now the beer is still on the table, unopened (I hope) and warm. Or at least room temperature. I can swap it out for a cold one still in the fridge.

THIS JUST IN FROM CNN! I swear I am not making this up.

OJ flew economy class from LAS to FLL, and slept through the flight. THIS IS NEWS?!?!?!?! Are you people serious or just making a joke? It is national news when someone flies economy class? Do I really care? NO! Not in the slightest. I will never be able to end my news strike.

None of this is news. GOT THAT CNN?!?!?! NONE OF THIS IS NEWS! If you are going to claim to be a news network, you have to learn the difference in bullshit and news. You can hire me for a million or two and give me a tazer and I will be your news editor. Every time someone on the air starts to report on bullshit like it is news, I will run out in my 1970s Spiderman "Electro" costume and zap them. I will even show up to the interview early, and with my own tazer.

I remember "Electro" from the 1970s Spiderman cartoons. I even remember the channel they used to come on, and the time. WCIX channel 6, at 0700. I used to watch this cartoon before school back in the second grade. At 0730 The Great Space Coaster came on. And school started at 0830, so the TV went off at 8 AM and it was time to really get ready for school. I can remember that, but not a dentist appointment. Even AFTER they call me the day before to remind me and I say "oh yea, Ill be there! No problem!".

My brain is broken.

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

My brain broke way before yours, Sonny. Next thing to go will be the teeth.
Actually, people on my father's side of the family have very ugly but very strong teeth. Which is why I have caps on my front teeth. What's underneath is ugly as hell but it would survive a nuclear war.
I have only one cavity, which I got when I was 30 years old and apparently a bit of food got stuck under the gum between the two back lower molars. However, I had root canals in two FRONT teeth because of the orthodontist trying to pull the ugly buck teeth too fast. Dentists loved me during those times.
Can somebody tell my why the hell I have the Lifetime movie where the woman is trying to find an adopter for her fifth child on? That is a sure sign of dementia!

Blogger TLP said...

I still have my memory. I think.

Blogger Fuzz said...

My teeth are about to fall out. But I don't remember to worry about it.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - my teeth are great. I have perfect teeth. This is why I take care of them.

TLP - I don't. My memory is shot.

Fuzz - I have excellent teeth. They are my best feature. Trust me.

Blogger Kristen said...

Psssht. Men and their damn hoses.

I've got great teeth, too. That's a good thing, because I'm currently dentistless. And I eat a lot of popcorn. Just call me Flossie.


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