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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter

Happy Easter! That is if you are into the whole Easter thing. Some people are, some are not.

Like the baby in the photo to the left. I do not think he is into the whole Easter thing. Not with that satanic Easter Bunny / Santa / werewolf / cat thing anyway. I would be scared too. Someone did an OK job with Photoshop there. Leave it to me to find something like that. Have fun sleeping tonight.

I am happy to report that Easter pretty much crept up on me without me even noticing. For example, I have not had one single Peep. Thats right, not one Peep. Oh I have seen the Peeps in the store, but I have not bought any. Nor do I plan to.

Now Peeps are PURE EVIL. Thats right - EVIL. Why do I say this? Oh I have my reasons. For one, notice how they are packaged? There are like 5 or 8 of them stuck together. Ever try to just eat one? You can't. It is impossible. See once you eat one the whole string is contaminated. The open Peeps wound dries out and can ruin the whole string. So you have to eat them all.

They also have an evil magical power over people. Peeps are NOT really good. in fact as far as candy goes there are much better selections. They are just marshmallow goop covered with sugar and squirted with food coloring. Yet people go CRAZY over them. I have known people that would stock up on Peeps, as if they were a valuable commodity. They would fill the freezer up with Peeps, so that for a few weeks after stores were not selling Peeps anymore, they would still have a supply. And to make matters worse they would proudly tell everyone this.

Much like the cat who sees dead Peeps, I was a little freaked out by this too. These were people who would not stock up with food when a hurricane was on the way, but they would hoard Peeps. And for what? Those things are not really that good anyway!

So why hoard them? I can only attribute this to some EVIL black magic. Some sinister force deep inside the Peeps that causes people to do irrational things. Like fill up their freezer with more evil. That or there was a store somewhere selling "special Peeps" that had a secret ingredient that nobody told me about. Some sort of green leafy secret ingredient.

Of course the people I knew that would hoard Peeps would also go to McDonalds when they used to have 29 cent hamburger day and buy bags and bags of hamburgers. Then they would eat a few for lunch and freeze the rest, so that for the remainder of the week they would have a freezer full of 29 cent hamburgers. Really. I knew people who would do this. At first I found it amusing, but after a while I found it to be sad. Here were people who were slaves to the 29 cent hamburgers. People who one day will probably need the fire department to demolish a wall to get them loaded on a flatbed truck so that they can be shipped off to fat camp. I mean I would sometimes go and get some 29 cent hamburgers too. But not 50. I would be happy enough with two or sometimes three. That was all I could deal with at one time.

So maybe the Peeps are indeed evil, or maybe the people in question who I used to know who would hoard Peeps just had a problem. Who knows.

Of course Peeps are not all what Easter is about. There is some other stuff too. Something about zombies people rising from the dead. BAD ME! I did not mean "zombies". Notice how I struck it out. That is just wrong. I blame the beer for the cynical views.

And Easter Eggs! Yes lots of eggs. And rabbits. But how did rabbits ever become egg distributors? Well I have a theory. I shall not mention what that theory is. For my theories often make people uneasy. So no mention of my crazy theories.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Lilacspecs said...

I always wondered what the big deal was about Peeps. I think they're some of the nastiest candy around (and that's saying alot...I like candy corn). Cadbury Creme Eggs? Definitely. Reese's Eggs? For sure. Those are worth stocking up on during Easter (although now Reese's has peanut butter pumpkins and X-mas trees, so there's really not too much of a need to stock up on those anymore, well maybe there is until they come up with like, Arbor Day candy to get you through the summer). But Peeps?? I really don't understand people sometimes.

04:17  
Anonymous krok34 said...

The Lazy,

Happy Easter. I hope you get laid soon.

13:46  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Lilac - I know. They are awful. But people go nuts over them. Must be a limited edition thing.

Krok - I almost forgot that it was Easter.

03:13  
Blogger Doozie said...

easters just another stupid day..rack it up

20:55  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I can't stand to eat Peeps but they sure are fun to find pictures of, or posts about Peep Wars.

01:06  

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