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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

How I Almost Killed Myself

But first........READER QUESTIONS!!!!

Bee asked a question regarding this fish I call "dolphin".

Is it really called "dolphin" or is it "mahi-mahi"??

The answer is.....BOTH! And it is also called "dorado". Hind of like how a hurricane is called a hurricane ONLY if it forms in the Atlantic or Caribbean. But in the Pacific it is a "typhoon" and in the Indian Ocean it is a "cyclone". But in the end it is all the same shit.

In Hawaii these fish are called "mahi-mahi". In Spanish speaking areas they are "dorado". But around here they were "dolphin".

But then some idiots started to cry in seafood restaurants when they would see "dolphin" on the menu. They would get all upset and scream about how everyone in there was a dolphin murderer and how horrible the whole thing was. WAAA WAAAAA you are killing innocent playful dolphins!!!!

So places started calling them "mahi-mahi" so idiots would not get all upset and cause a scene.

And now....HOW I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF!!!!

It started at lunch. I decided to hit up this pizza place for - what else - a slice of pizza! And I was feeling like something semi-healthy so I ordered a slice of some sort of all vegetable pizza. It was good. Olives, onions, tomato sauce, green peppers, and so on. Pretty good.

But it needed some of that dried red pepper stuff. You know, the hot peppers? Yea, those.

So I sprinkle the pizza with the dried red petters. I like that stuff. NOT TOO MUCH! Just enough.

But this time something went terribly wrong. Somehow I managed to inhale a piece of pepper. As in "lodged in my wind pipe".

Now is when things get fun. Of course I cough. But nothing happens! I can still feel the pepper in the trachea! It was this strange burning sensation. Not really terrible, just there.

So I cough some more. And then either the pepper or something managed to get into my sinuses. Well this is just great!

So I excuse myself to leave the area and REALLY cough! Time to get whatever is in here the hell OUT!!

And then.....THEN.....

The mucus in my trachea is now saturated in pepper oil or whatever the hell was in there. And it was extra watery. Whatever came out BURNED. Like really bad. And of course the bit that was forced into my sinuses was causing those things to produce watery mucus.

At this point is kind of hard to breathe. Talking was tough too. All I could do was stand there and leak snot out of my nose.

It was pretty awful. My throat was burning, the back of my mouth was burning, I was leaking snot out my nose (which also burned), and I could not really say anything.

But it went away. After some time.

Next time I eat pizza with red pepper sprinkles Ill be more careful not to inhale any of them.

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8 Comments:

Blogger cathouse teri said...

So when we eat trout are we not eating playful innocent fishies then? Oh yeah, it's the mammal thing, and the intelligence thing.

Whatever. I guess we don't mind eating cows because they're dumber than dolphins.

I'm sorry you were almost killed by a pepper seed. You are right, though. Inhaling them ain't no good thing. Although your sinuses were probably pretty clear for a couple of days!

Snot running out your nose while standing in a restaurant. Seems like a story Doozie will like. :)

12:23  
Blogger Fuzz said...

Those "mahi-mahi" sound kinda exotic. How do they taste ? Canyou catch them down there ?
Peppers are dangerous, but they are an essential part of the food chain.

21:04  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Teri - the thing is that bottle nose dolphin probably do taste good. But for some reason eating them is "wrong".

Fuzz - oh yea they are good! Excellent fish table fare. Just about every half way decent seafood place in Florida has dolphin on the menu. And yea, you can catch them here. They may even be off the NC coast in the summer. Out on the gulf stream. It would be a long haul to get out there from the Outer Banks.

23:32  
Blogger cathouse teri said...

By the way, it's not only not good to inhale the stuff, it's not good to even tough your nose after touching the stuff! (I just did that, so that's why I'm knowing this.)

11:48  
Blogger Fuzz said...

I was chopping up some habanaros once, and stepped out to take a leak. It was interesting.

18:05  
Anonymous krok01 said...

The Lazy,

You're so thin but you eat like a hog, interesting. I'm glad you didn't die.

19:12  
Blogger Jobkiller said...

Shite, that sounds worse than the time I took a big bite of Hunan Beef--unbeknownst to me, complete with one of those hot red peppers they use to season it. That burned going in and coming out!

22:01  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Teri - have done that too.

Fuzz - I can only imagine.

Jobkiller - hidden peppers can get you.

02:00  

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