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Friday, April 25, 2008

Why I Hate Home Depot

So why do I hate Home Depot? Well lets see.

Could it be the RETARDS who work there? NOPE! They are annoying but at least working at the Home Depot keeps them off the street.

Could it be the HORRIBLE customer service? NOPE! I just get my own stuff. Lets say I need chain cut. I just measure it and cut it myself. Then take it to the register and say "I have no idea how much this is. I asked for help in the chain isle but when nobody came I just cut it myself". Then the manager says "customers are not supposed to mess with the dangerous equipment" and I say "well if it is safe enough for the RETARDS that do not know what customer needs help in the chain isle then why not just allow anyone from off the street to operate it".

Could it be the loose hardware that is all mixed up? NOPE! That makes looking for the nut and bolt you need like a treasure hunt.

Could it be the long checkout lines because the manager is only slightly less retarded than the employees and think that you need 4 people working returns but only one at the registers? No. I am used to that.

How about that "stainless steel" that rusts? Naaa. I know that crap rusts. If I need real stainless steel I know where to go.

No, the reason I HATE that place is that it is an ASSHOLE MAGNET. It seems I am the only non asshole to shop there. Seriously, I can not go to that horrible place without encountering a GAGGLE of ASSHOLES.

By the way, a gaggle is a group of geese. You have a herd of cows, a swarm of bees, and a gaggle of geese.

And the last trip to Home Depot, to get two more sticks (the last few little projects have been VERY stick intensive), this is what I find when I get back to my truck.

That red thing is my truck. And that orange thing is a Home Depot lumber cart. Some ASSHOLE left it right in front of my truck.

Gee, I am done hauling lumber out of the Home Depot! Should I take the cart to the "return carts here" place?? HELL NO! Ill just leave it in front of the car parked next to me!

So I have to move the cart to the "return carts here" thing. Which by the way was very close by.

I saw the guy who left it there. I was parking when he was loading the lumber in his vehicle. His FAT ASS was WADDLING, much like an obese walrus, down the parking lot. But did I run him over? No - for that would be rude. Did I shout "hey you fat piece of shit, get your fat ass the fuck out of my way so I can drive! Your ass is so wide it is clogging the parking lot like a 10 pound turd clogs my toilet!!". No, for that would be rude. It would be the truth, but sometimes the truth is not appropriate to say. This is why lies were invented. For the times when the truth is just not what you want to say. Did I do what every other asshole in Miami does and just lay on my horn?? No, that pisses me off too. When people pull that crap on me I move SLOWER.

No, I waited. Patiently. One day I may be old and fat too. Not THAT fat because I would have my stomach removed first.

And then - the cart was left in front of my truck. Where I had to move it.

Some people deserve the mega atomic super hanging from the flagpole wedgie.

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I agree. Above and beyond the wanker employees that are hiding on the dock for a smoke break all the time, the customers are often rude above and beyond the call of duty. Next stop, Wal Mart.

Anonymous krok91 said...

The Lazy,

I'm serious this is your best post ever. The real you came out. I'm crying.

I hate fat people. I really hate fat black people.

HD does have a bunch of morons working there.

I do think on average the lowest people on the planet live in metro-Dade county.

I wish I could pop a cap in that faat dude for you. I would love to watch him bleed out.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - You got that right!

Krok - I am not low. In fact, I am somewhat tall. I would be HUGE in Japan. Like Godzilla, only less green and no scales.

Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

I HATE those lazy cart fvcks!


Blogger Fuzz said...

We had geese once. They bite.

Blogger doozie said...

The dirty hippies left that cart there because they know you don't like them. I like frozen beer slushies. I LIKE THEM A LOT, I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM, WHY AM I YELLING


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