Requiem For My Sunglasses

As you may recall from last weeks episode, Fred the orange cat got some sort of eye infection that turned his eye all red and puffy. So I had to take him to the vet.

And I did. He had kitty pink eye or something. So I got this goop to put in each eye 2 - 3 times a day. Which I did.

Fred did not exactly like it - but that is his problem not mine.

Well the red puffy eye MIGRATED to the other eye that looked fine last week. So not BOTH eyes are red and puffy. Not as red and puffy as the one eye was last Sunday, but not normal either.

So he had to go BACK to the vet.

The working theory is that he has a kitty cold. This would explain the sneezing, the wanting to sleep all the time, and the two red puffy eyes. And the slight fever. He is sick. And contagious. So I have to watch ALL the cats for signs of cat funk.

As if I have nothing else better to do than this.

At least the cat funk seems to be contained to Fred. Nobody else appears to be sick. Yet. The vet said there is still time for that to change. WONDERFUL!!! Vet trips for everyone! Medicine for everyone! Vet care is free after all, thanks to universal pet medicine!

Oh wait - vet care is NOT free. And the cats get to go to the doctor, but the last time I saw a doctor was when I had to go to the emergency room years ago.

Except for the eye doctor I have to go to when I run out of contacts. And the dentist so my teeth do not fall out. But what is my blood work like? Who knows! Care to guess? Is my liver working? Got me! It seems to be working. How about the cholesterol levels? Again - lets guess!!! Might be high, might be low.

The cats get better medical care than I do. How the hell did that happen???

Anyway there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

REQUIEM FOR MY RAY BANS.

Well pair of Ray Bans, we had some good times together. You were with me for a few years actually. You saw a lot of time on the boat. You were with me in the truck. You were with me for many a daytime drinking mission.

Yes, times were good. But then I dropped you on the floor at the airport, which resulted in the first crack. But I stayed with you. And then over time more cracks developed.

But I was used to good sunglasses. The cheap pairs just did not cut it. I like your Ray Ban green and polarized lenses. Colors look true. Glare is removed.

But now I fear there are just too many cracks. And I can not get replacement lenses, Ray Ban discontinued the style.

I will not totally abandon you. But I have to get replacements.

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Yes, I really like my Ray Bans. But I registered for an account with Oakley Standard Issue. These sunglasses are only available to the military and some other people in Federal service. My ID was approved and all so I can get stuff now. For a really good discount too. The standard issue shades may look like the consumer glasses anyone can get, but the lenses are different. They are made to block shrapnel and crazy things like that. So I figure I can probably drop them without any damage resulting. I am going to order a pair. With really REALLY dark lenses. 9% light transmission.

For about 1/2 or less what they cost in the store.

Fat Fred.

This is Fat Fred. The orange cat. Notice the walrus like blubber covering his back feet. But I do not live in Alaska, I live in South Florida. There is no reason for that blubber.

Fat Fred likes to eat. And since he has no testicles, I guess there is no reason for him to want to impress female cats.

Now I have never had to deal with this before. All the other cats - past and present - would not over eat. I could leave the food out all the time. They would nibble here and there.

Fred got so fat because of the nibblers. They would harass me for food and so I would give them some. They would eat two or three bites then leave. Fred would meander along and eat the rest of the food. Then 45 minutes later I get harassed again by the nibblers.

Fred had to go to the vet Monday. On Sunday I noticed one of his eyes was red and puffy. Infected. I figured that he got scratched. The vet confirmed my theory, and also added it could be cat pink eye. Can cats get pink eye? He also had hookworms and needed cat shots and shit. And then on the way home he soiled himself and his cat cage.

Anyway Fred was weighed. Last time he was weighed Fatso tipped the scales at 20 pounds and a few ounces.

But Fatso has been on a cat diet. I have been getting fat cat food for him. All the cats have been eating fat cat food. Iams Weight Control dry food. When I feed the nibblers I dump their uneaten food back in the bin. The nibblers have learned to eat more than three bites when I feed them.

Oh yea, I had to buy a plastic cat food bin with a licking lid. Someone discovered that they could chew a hole in the bottom of the bag.

The good news, other than the cat shit that was really runny and extra gross did not get on the truck seats or floor carpet, is that Fred's diet is working.

He only weighed 15 pounds three ounces. He lost 5 pounds. The vet declared his fat ass no longer obese. He could stand to ditch another pound or two, but the vet said he is not really "fat" anymore. Or at least not obese.

I still think he looks fat. So the cat diet will continue.

Fat Fred is now just plain Fred.

Of Mice And Pandas

This is just too much. Either mice in Waterville Maine are really smart - or the people are really dumb.

Mouse Makes Off With Waterville Man's Teeth.

It seems that some dude who we will just call Bill Exner had a little problem. A mouse problem. A cute little mouse set up house in his house. But this was no ordinary cute little mouse! OH NO! This was a super evil genius mouse. It would come out and "taunt" the man, according to him.

So one day he captured the mouse. And he put the mouse in, of all things, a pickle jar. And it jumped out and escaped. Then it stole his false teeth. The man had eaten peanut butter, set his teeth beside the bed, and went to sleep. GROSS! Dude - there is this stuff called Efferdent! Use it man! You eat peanut butter then just set your teeth down without soaking them in something?!?! No wonder you lost all your teeth dude - HYGIENE! Look it up! It means "take a bath, clean your ass, and brush your teeth".

So yea, the mouse stole his teeth. And he had to take apart a heating duct to get them back. So the man set out more traps, captured not one but TWO mice, and is now keeping them as pets in what appears to be a 10 gallon aquarium with a mouse escape proof lid. I am rooting for the mice to escape again, and steal something else. Like the man's TV remote control. THAT would be very funny.

Of course this would never happen to me. I brush my teeth at least once a day. And I have four cats. At least one of them would not be too fat and lazy to hunt some mice. FRED! You fat ass! I am looking at you, or at least what appears to be a fuzzy basketball with feet. Roll your ass off my feet and waddle down the hall - your big fat mass is making my feet hot.

In other news, those wacky and crazy Chinese have discovered how to turn PANDA POOP into high quality paper! What the hell? Panda Poop Paper? Ill admit it has great alliteration. But is there really a market for this crap? However China has an abundance of this natural resource. The Panda Research Center produces a TON of panda shit a day. That probably smells really bad. But the high quality paper will not stink at all. Origami anyone?

MOVIE REVIEW!

The Machinist. Pretty strange movie. The lead character is this dude who works at a machine shop. He has not slept in a year. Dude is really thin (it seems the actor lost 60 pounds to get the role) and is probably going insane. OR IS HE!?!?!?! What is real, and what is he just in his head? You just have to watch it. Good movie - but something you have to pay attention to when you are watching it.

Weekend Madness!

Welcome to Saturday!

You may have noticed my Netflix movies on the side bar thing. Well I done watched em all. Memento is one crazy movie. It is in reverse. It begins with the end, and ends with the beginning. The plot takes place in reverse. It is a bit tough to keep up with what is going on.

But the DVD has a nifty feature that will play the movie in reverse, but since the movie is already in reverse it is double reverse - which means forward. Watch it the way it was cut first, and if you need to watch it in "reverse" after. It really is a good movie. I like movies one has to pay attention to in order to keep track of what the hell is going on.

Not everyone will like it. But this is why I like Netflix so darn much - they have everything. Even the stuff a regular video store will not stock. You put it on your list and it arrives in the mail. Pretty slick.

I will dump the movies in the mail today and they will arrive Monday, and I will get more movies Tuesday.

Blogger now has this word verification bullshit on new posts. What the hell is that for? Spam blogs? So now I have to word verify my own posts. That I write. What kind of bullshit is that?

It is high time I used the boat again. Maybe I should do this. But not this weekend! This weekend the wind is a bitch, and bay waters are "choppy in exposed areas". Not good. This means a lot of bow spray, and if the wind is into the bow then the wind will pick up that spray and soak me. This is why I need the next boat to have an enclosed helm. F the bow spray in the A. And FORGET ABOUT going offshore! Not unless you are insane! Saturday seas are 4 - 6 feet near shore and 6 - 8 feet in the Gulf Stream. Sunday we are looking at 5 - 7 foot seas near shore and 7 - 9 feet in the Gulf Stream.

Maybe next week. 9 foot seas means waves as high as half the length of the boat! And a choppy Biscayne Bay is no fun to be in either. The sea, she be a harsh mistress.

The fat orange cat just clawed me for messing with his foot. Fat bastard! See if he gets fed today. That will teach him. Anyone got some of that rat poison recalled food handy?