Of Mice And Pandas
This is just too much. Either mice in Waterville Maine are really smart - or the people are really dumb.
Mouse Makes Off With Waterville Man's Teeth.
It seems that some dude who we will just call Bill Exner had a little problem. A mouse problem. A cute little mouse set up house in his house. But this was no ordinary cute little mouse! OH NO! This was a super evil genius mouse. It would come out and "taunt" the man, according to him.
So one day he captured the mouse. And he put the mouse in, of all things, a pickle jar. And it jumped out and escaped. Then it stole his false teeth. The man had eaten peanut butter, set his teeth beside the bed, and went to sleep. GROSS! Dude - there is this stuff called Efferdent! Use it man! You eat peanut butter then just set your teeth down without soaking them in something?!?! No wonder you lost all your teeth dude - HYGIENE! Look it up! It means "take a bath, clean your ass, and brush your teeth".
So yea, the mouse stole his teeth. And he had to take apart a heating duct to get them back. So the man set out more traps, captured not one but TWO mice, and is now keeping them as pets in what appears to be a 10 gallon aquarium with a mouse escape proof lid. I am rooting for the mice to escape again, and steal something else. Like the man's TV remote control. THAT would be very funny.
Of course this would never happen to me. I brush my teeth at least once a day. And I have four cats. At least one of them would not be too fat and lazy to hunt some mice. FRED! You fat ass! I am looking at you, or at least what appears to be a fuzzy basketball with feet. Roll your ass off my feet and waddle down the hall - your big fat mass is making my feet hot.
In other news, those wacky and crazy Chinese have discovered how to turn PANDA POOP into high quality paper! What the hell? Panda Poop Paper? Ill admit it has great alliteration. But is there really a market for this crap? However China has an abundance of this natural resource. The Panda Research Center produces a TON of panda shit a day. That probably smells really bad. But the high quality paper will not stink at all. Origami anyone?
MOVIE REVIEW!
The Machinist. Pretty strange movie. The lead character is this dude who works at a machine shop. He has not slept in a year. Dude is really thin (it seems the actor lost 60 pounds to get the role) and is probably going insane. OR IS HE!?!?!?! What is real, and what is he just in his head? You just have to watch it. Good movie - but something you have to pay attention to when you are watching it.
Labels: Fat Fred, movie review, panda poop, smart mice
posted by The Lazy Iguana @ 02:14
10 Comments:
That mouse is my hero!
Even if the Panda Poop Paper doesn't stink, I'm not sure I could resign myself to writing on it. My dogs would probably like to eat it, though.
Hahaha, what a clever mouse !!
Panda Poop Paper ... sounds interesting ... don't know that I'd use it to write on, though ... it might be good to line the kitty litter tray with !!
Take care, Meow
Maybe they should make their panda poop paper into toiler paper.
no smoking doobies before watching machinist? dude, you're scaring me with those 4 cats. What is next, paper made from used toilet paper?
I really do think mice "taunt" the general public. I also think they go to a special little school to learn this skill of human taunting, and I bet they learn other things there like how to steal things, and how to leap tall garbage cans in a single bound and what not. You would think they would teach them to use condoms, to cut down on the mouse population, and help them have a better life, the ones of them that are alive and all.
I hate teeth. This just proves that mice are stupid to steal something as horrible as someone else's teeth. There must have been a LOT of peanut butter stuck in there for the mouse to want those teeth. I'm going to go throw up now.
Mickey Ratt - The teeth stealing mice have nothing on you. How much do you steal from people every day - just in your "$4 bottle of water" scam?
CM - the panda poop paper does not stink. If you have ever been near a paper mill you will notice that all paper stinks. Dogs will eat anything.
Meow - I have cats just because of mice like that. I do not line the cat box with anything, I use the clumping litter which can then be flushed.
Ed - the Chinese are very funny with about their Pandas. Using Panda Poop Paper to wipe your ass would probably be very insulting to them. The paper is supposed to be of high quality because of the fiber density. The Pandas eat bamboo, digest anything that is not fiber, then poop. It is probably linen like in quality.
Beanie - no smoking doobies anytime. Tis the curse of a civil service life. But it is not so bad. I think there is a mice school that those critters go to. They know just where to chew to really screw things up.
Daisy - teeth are good. How else can you carry around cat toys? I think the mice were just getting even for the pickle jar thing. The man should have just got a cat and let everything work itself out.
The Lazy,
Had my teeth cleaned today by a very hot dental hygenist. That was a first.
Actionbell - that does sound like a pain in the ass machine. The glue pot I used to use was pretty simple. Pretty much just an electric skillet. If it got too hot the glue would begin to smoke, smell bad, and turn brown. No big deal - it never caught fire.
Caiman - I have had pretty good luck with hot dental technicians. But how do you hit on a hot chick AFTER she just picked week old chicken wing stuff from your teeth? Is "hey, I see you got my blood on your welder mask thing - want to get other fluids in other places" a good pick up line? I say no. Worst line ever.
The current dentist has a not hot dental technician. But she does a great job removing the plaque.
Think Bill was off his meds..hope the old fart gets back on them.
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