Adventures In Dentistry

I have replacement fillings now.

The process was not so bad. I self medicated with the rum before going in. Two shots. I was getting ready to run back to the truck for a third shot when I was called.

So I go to the back room. Sounds of wirring instruments were all over the place. Apparently Tuesday afternoon is a great time for everyone to get a cleaning. But I had to go to the real dentist room. In the back. With the real drill.

The drill.

Anyway I got a Novocaine injection. I think that is what it was. They jab the needle in the back corner of your jaw, where the lower jaw bone attaches to your skull. And then they plunge the needle back and forth while injecting the stuff.

Not fun.

And then after the stuff soaks in, the drilling begins.

The drilling.

But I could still feel stuff - a fact I quickly communicated. You see, I came expecting the worst. So I got a second injection, this time along the gum below the offending teeth. Two injections with the same syringe. Half the dose each time.

And then there was more soaking in time. At this point half my head is not there anymore. I could not feel my lip. I could not feel my tongue. I could not feel my gums.

And then the drilling resumed. Now the truth is I could still feel something. I do not know what. It was like a dull pressure. Not really anything that hurt, but I was still a little concerned that I could feel anything at all. The rest of the area was dead after all. So why could I still feel anything?

But I did not say anything. It really did not hurt, I could just tell something was there.

Now by this time I can see this fine mist of old filling and just a very little bit of tooth enamel flying out of my mouth. And then there was the smoke, and the smell of burning bone (which smells similar to burning hair for some reason).

And then it was over. Here I was expecting some horrible experience and the actual drilling was over very fast. Well hell I probably did not even need that second injection!

I was expecting far worse.

Anyway I opted for the silver metal fillings. I had the white fillings before. But the silver stuff lasts longer. The dentist recommended it because it was for the molars. You use those to chew with more than your front teeth. And the ugly silver filling is not as noticeable when it was way back in the back of your mouth.

The white porcelain fillings I had wore out.

And then as an added bonus, the dentist "rounded off" some points on my upper molars, above where the fillings were placed.

All in all, it was not so bad. I just have to get used to the way everything feels now.

Filling Replacement

I hate this shit.

It seems that a filling put in years ago is wearing down. Can they do that? Anyway, it has to be replaced.

So that means the dentist has to use the drill. I HATE the drill. It is the worst.

I can handle the cleaning. Really. No problem. Even when I do not do a great job brushing the back of my lower teeth so they need to use the ultrasonic water thing AND the metal hook. What is a little blood? No big deal.

But I HATE the drill!!!!!!!!!!!!

And they are going to have to use the drill. The old filling has to be drilled out and replaced with a new filling. This was supposed to be done in January. I had an appointment scheduled for the beginning of that month. But nobody called to remind me. So I took the opportunity to chicken out.

Actually I sort of forgot. I mean I remembered I had an appointment, but not the exact day. It was the holidays. The dentist was closed for two or three weeks. And so on.

I chickened out. Nobody called me, and I did not call anybody.

But this time I can not chicken out. I have to go. I could put this off, but if the filling fails it will hurt.

But that is not all. OH NO! You see, if I keep screwing off then this COULD turn into a root canal. And that costs $1500 and is not fun.

So Ill go. Even if there is going to be drilling.

So here is my plan!!!!!!

It starts off with Flor De Cana Grand Reserve.

Now this is some good shit. Aged for 7 years, this is some darn good rum. It has complex and subtle flavors. I suggest sipping this fine rum neat. That means by itself with just a splash of water. On the rocks works too. Do not bother mixing this stuff with anything except a splash of water. You will ruin it. If you must mix it with Coke, do yourself a favor and just buy the aged 5 years Flor De Cana Gold. The Grand Reserve is far too good to ruin with Coke or any other mixer that is not water.

It also makes for a fine shot. But really it is not made for shooting. It is great as a first shot (maybe the first two shots), but after that you should probably switch to something else. Otherwise you are just wasting this fine rum.

SEE!?!?! Now I need some rum with a splash of water. One moment please!!!

Like I said - excellent stuff. I am telling you, with the splash of water this stuff is super smooth. No burning feeling at all. Just a slightly warm feeling in your stomach.

Anyhow back to the plan! Here is how it works!!!

1. Stuff (what is left of) the bottle of Flor De Cana 7 Year Grand Reserve in the truck tool box.

2. Drive to the dentist.

3. Take a shot in the parking lot.

4. Contemplate the wisdom of a second shot.

5. Walk into the office, feeling better than I was during the drive.

6. DEMAND the happy gas! The happy gas is just fun. I like the happy gas. It will make everything funny. Between the rum and the happy gas everything should be going well by now. I may not even care about any drilling.

7. Get the injection of Novocaine. I hate this too.

8. Try to not move while the actual drilling is going on.

9. Leave. Get back to the truck. Stop off at the booze depot because I need more rum (current bottle is almost empty). Drive home. Put the rum away for later.

See?? The master plan. I think it is a great master plan. There are good parts (rum and happy gas) and shitty parts (drilling) but the good may cancel out the shitty so it will end up neutral.

If the dentist mission does not take too long, then I may be able to FINALLY finish putting the boat back together. I took the floor lockers out for some reason. I do not remember why. Anyway they are back in - but not secured. So I need to pull them out again, attach more hose clamps to various hoses in the bilge so whatever is leaking does not leak anymore, maybe goop the hose connection points up with silicone sealant to really make sure nothing leaks, put the lockers back in, screw them in place, then finally secure the hatch covers in place.

But I do not want to do it. I am tired of boat projects. They never end.

Sadistic Health Care Practitioners.

I made it to the dentist this morning. Like a manly man I just lie in the chair and take whatever punishment they can unleash. The hygienist used the metal hook thing to scrape off what little plaque built up. There was not much to scrape off. I told her not to use that numbing gel crap - because it tastes awful. And I do not need it. Pick away. Make me bleed. What the heck do I care? Besides, this way I can look like a tough guy in front of the staff - some of whom are hot. The others are either dudes are really NOT hot. I do not care about them. They even have the words "pain tolerant" written on my records.

The reality is that the numbing gel does not work. Its effects are very short lived. So you are better off without it.

Anyway after the cleaning and scraping and polishing and stuff, it was time to measure the gum pockets! The two I had are gone. The medicine powder that was injected worked. But there was a new gum pocket - 5mm deep. That is pretty deep. It was in my upper teeth, and supposedly not there last time. But they gave me another powder injection which should take care of that. No problem.

And then the cleaning was done. So there was only one more thing left to do before I could leave. The actual dentist had to come and poke at my teeth with a hook.

Now keep in mind I am "pain tolerant" and opted out of the numbing gel crap.

So the dude comes in and starts poking around, looking for soft spots in teeth that could be a cavity. On my lower left molars I have some fillings. But they are old. The dentist looks at them, and picks at them. Now I can feel this. It does not feel good. That area is sensitive. So the dentist says "put a watch on teeth number (whatever)". Then he pokes around more.

So I let out a slight very short grunt. As in "hey you fuck head, knock that off before I sneeze on you and infect you with my Christmas Funk". So he says "Oh, is that sensitive"?

Uhhhh...YES. You asshole. It is. I would very much like it if you just jot that down somewhere and STOP POKING IT.

So he keeps picking at the area. What the hell? I already told you that there is some sensitivity there - and here I am Mr. Pain Tolerant and all. So you keep poking at the sensitive area with a sharp stainless steel hook???

Why??? Really - WHY?? Do you get off on that sort of thing?

So apparently, my old fillings have worn down and need to be replaced. This will be done in a few weeks. I will be OK till then.

Now this is depressing. I HATE THE DRILL!!! The drill is horrible. I hate the sound. I hate the heat it creates. I hate smelling the stench of tooth enamel getting ground down. I hate everything about the drill.

"Pain tolerant" or not - I will get the happy gas. I want the happy gas. They can bill me for the happy gas. Whatever - I want the happy gas. I will even bring a balloon with me, so I can fill that up with happy gas for the drive home.

I promise I will only breathe it in at red lights.

After I am sufficiently happy enough, then I guess I will get the Novocaine shot. But even then, the tooth nerve is sometimes difficult to numb. So I better be really happy. Otherwise, I may have to shove my dental records up someones ass so far that another doctor will have to reach down that person's throat to extract them.

AND IN OTHER HAPPIER NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, my bout of the Christmas Funk had a change of heart. Why try to ruin my holiday? So the mung went away. Sometime last night after I went to sleep, it departed.

So I am no longer the Horseman of the Apocalypse whose job it is to spread pestilence. This is good because I do not really have a horse. Riding a horse is OK for a short time, but I would hate to have to go everywhere on horseback. That would suck. Horses do not come with air conditioning. And if it rains you get wet. Therefore I conclude that being a horseman is overrated.

I had the funk for two days. Not too bad. So I guess my immune system is not so bad after all. Lesser men would have been down for longer. But not me. I did not even take any drugs.

So once again my crazy theories panned out. Let the disease run its course - and you either live or you die. Either way, there is no need for drugs. This time I lived.

Things are slowly returning to normal. The funk is gone. I feel better. I can use my nose to breathe with again. I do not have the constant snot drip going on. I do not need the gross dried up snot encrusted disease ridden towel that should be burned in the backyard for the good of humanity anymore. I was able to enjoy a few beers today.

But not my SPECIAL BEER. The special beer is still in the fridge. I have to be in peak physical condition to open it. I want to be able to take in the full special beer experience. I have to be able to smell and taste properly. I still have a slight residual funkiness going on, so I want that to be gone.

The special beer is called Sampson Lager, a fine Pilsner from the Czech Republic.

And yes, it says "Budweiser Bier". See my fellow Americans - REAL BUDWEISER comes from The Czech Republic - not America. Long before America was a Country, there was Budweiser in the Czech Republic. Anheuser Busch stole the name, and got the copyright for it here in America. And thanks to those assholes - for many years a lot of Czech beer could not be sold here, due to "copyright infringement".

Yea right. Like anyone would mistake a fine imported pilsner for the shit that you find in a can of Budweiser. According to Anheuser Busch, Budweiser has been brewed since 1876. Well guess what? The town of Ceske Budejovice was founded in 1055 - over 800 years before Anheuser Busch and over 700 years before America was an independent nation. And they have been making "beer from Budweis" or "Budweiser Beer" for centuries. So there. Take that.

I Remember Things Now

Good news! I remembered my dentist appointment. They scraped teeth with the metal pointy hook thing, then used the spinny polishing device. That is it.

But I have to wonder about some things. Like why do they have the bag full of devices that look like they belong in a Bush approved secret CIA torture prison illegally operating somewhere in Europe? They only used one of the tools, but there had to be two dozen or so in the bag. Am I that weak that I talk after only the first tool? Come on now! I should be able to at least make it to tool 5 before I crack.

Now I do not know what kind of autoclave they have at that place. It could be heat, it could be chemical, it could be UV, it could be something else - or it could be a multiple step process consisting of one or more of the above.

Now if I had one favorite tool that I used more than anything else, why not just put that thing in a bag, and then all the other stuff I do not use frequently in another bag? This way someone would spend less time using "the machine" on tools. Instead of having to autoclave 20 things, there would only be one thing.

So what the hell are the other tools for? If they only use the mirror on a stick thing and the one pointy hook scraping tool - what is the reason for opening the bag then dumping a bunch of things out of a bag making this noise on the stainless steel tray? Is that their way of saying "better sit still and not complain and pay in full OR ELSE I will use ALL of these things on your ass". Well not your ass, more like your mouth.

Anyhow it was not too bad. The cleaning was over in not too much time and with minimal blood loss. In and out. The gum pockets are gone.

I will not be losing any teeth anytime soon.

The Dentist

Monday. What was I doing Monday? Oh yea, the usual. Not much exciting. Just the usual non-exciting stuff. Due to the schedule I keep, I was sleeping in late. As usual. Pretty dull.

And then the cell phone rings. Waking me up. Well sort of waking me up. I was trying to "sleep" while Skipper the little gray kitten was pouncing all over the place in an effort to get me up so I would feed him. So I was "sleeping" as well as someone can sleep while a kitten is trying to bite them on the nose. Or ear lobe. Or chin. Or hands / arms / feet.

So anyway, while all this was going on the phone rings. It is the dentist office! They want to pick crap out of my teeth again.

Oh yea, NEW IGUANA MUSIC!

This is good really. You see, I was keeping up with the flossing and stuff, but then I got lazy. And I also started to brush only with mouthwash. I take a swig of Listerine and then brush. I figure that kills all the bacteria and crap. Then I spit the shit out. Pretty much all there is to it.

So anyway, they want to pick the plaque out. Whatever. The chick that works behind the desk is kind of hot. And I kind of like the tooth pressure washer thing. Even the metal hook scraper / poker thing is not too bad. Yea your gums may bleed a little. WAAA WAAA WAAAA. Grow a pair already.

What gets me is the DRILLING. Oh that is horrible. But as long as there are no cavities, there will be no drill. I am not cavity prone. Good news there.

But that is not the point.

Whoever called from the dentist office wanted to set up an appointment. So I say OK why not. Then they ask a dumb question. "Is 10:00 AM ok"? Oh hell no. 10 AM? Are people even awake that early? 10 AM is not OK. 10 AM is Satanic. 10 AM is evil. 10 AM is an unholy hour of the day.

So I opted for the 2:45 PM appointment. That is much better. I can wake up at a more reasonable time, get dressed, leave, and I might even make it there on time!

Seriously, I have some other things to do. I can get up and get that shit done before I go to the dentist. While I am getting all de-plaqueified (is that even a word??) the stuff at home can cure. When I get home it should all be done.

Or I can be a total bum and sleep till 1 PM. Pretty much a 50/50 chance of this happening.

And what is it that I need to do? Finish the boat project.

1. Let out all the anchor line. Remove the old shackle holding the anchor onto the chain. Replace it with the stainless steel swivel I bought. Mark the line off every 25 feet with orange spray paint. Then bring the line back in with the windlass.

2. Fish the fish finder transducer cable through the boat. This will be easy because I can use the old transducer cable to pull it through.

3, Install the new fish finder. Hook it up to power and the GPS.

4. Glue the bilge pump plates back into the bilge. This will involve having to towel dry the bilge to make the silicone stick.

I am thinking I can get number 1 and 4 done before I go, and start with number 2 and 3. It all depends on how much of a bum I am.

Ill update everyone to the amount of blood and chunks of bloody stuff I spit out into the little sink thing by the dentist chair. I might take some cell phone pictures! Fun fun!