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HELP NEEDED FOR THE NEW IGUANA MUSIC!
I do not know if the version of todays Iguana Music was in fact performed by Country Joe and the Fish. A bunch of versions of this song have been recorded. I think the original version was in some movie - Easy Rider or something. So if you know your Country Joe give the music a listen and let me know what the deal is.

I have decided that it is not going to stop raining. So therefore, there is no point in waiting for it to stop. There is no front. The weather map says that there is an area of "high pressure" here, despite the fact that the barometer is FALLING and it is raining every few hours.

This is interesting to me. People go to college and shit to guess about the weather. And they tell me that there is a "high pressure" area over Miami while at the SAME TIME reporting a falling barometer? That is like me saying THIS IS BLUE when clearly it is green.

But in spite of this, the cable for the GPS antenna is run under the deck of the boat. So now the antenna can hang out by the splash well out of the way of everyone. Perfect. There was a Garmin GPS antenna there, but the chart plotter I have will not use that antenna.

The new fish finder transducer is also on the boat, and the cable is run under the deck to the center console. Now all I have to do is install the display bracket on the helm and connect the power wires and hook the GPS up to the fish finder. That will be easy. And the boat is under a carport tarp thing so it can rain while I am doing this.

What else is there? OH YEA! Good news.

Stouffers has some sort of "Dinner Club" thing going on. Packages of some Stouffers frozen foods have a code you enter and get points. You get 100 points for signing up, and 20 points for each package code you enter. You can also get 102 bonus points each month by doing some stupid survey and voting in some stupid poll.

I already have 222 points. 100 for joining, 100 for the survey, 20 for the box code, and 2 for voting in the poll. I have no idea what the points are good for, but I have them. Supposedly starting sometime next month or in August there will be stuff on the Stouffers web site I can bid for, using my points like money. Kind of like frozen food Ebay. If I win then they send me the stuff. I use Stouffers stuff as emergency backup food. If it is late and I want food I can just nuke something and eat it. And now I can get points.

I answered "strongly disagree" for every survey answer. I like screwing up marketing data. That is what they get for thinking that something is "scientific" when in reality it is just bullshit.

And here is what you can do! If you are not going to sign up, email me your box codes! The codes are printed on the inside of the boxes. So email them in. I want a bunch of points so I can bid on something and be a winner.

OH YEA! I have a solution for junk mail. If EVERYONE does this then junk mail will stop. Here is what you do.

1. Open the junk mail.
2. Look for the postage paid return envelope.
3. Stuff all the junk mail into that envelope. Be creative. If something does not fit in the return envelope, tear it till it does.
4. Mail it back. Without any money. Just return all the junk they sent you - at their expense.
5. I like to add a happy face sticker or something to the outside of the envelope.

If everyone starts to do this, the junk mailers will start to loose a lot of money, and the junk will stop. They will get so much return mail (possibly hundreds of thousands or millions of returns) that they will have to hire more people just to open it all and look for checks. And what will they find? Nothing.

I got this idea after mailing the RNC a $2,000 donation during the 2004 election. Of course I sent it in the form of Monopoly money. You can order a stack of Monopoly money for $3.50 by clicking HERE.

Raining Idiots

It rained today. Yea I know - news flash, rain in South Florida - story at 11. But as always, there were idiots who forgot what rain is and how to deal with it. This is always amusing to me, for about 30 seconds. Then it annoys me. So if you are reading this and you live in Miami and you are an idiot - write this on a Post-It note and stick it somewhere.

"DO NOT DRIVE WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ON". Of course you probably can not read or write so the note will not help you. Maybe you can get someone to draw you a picture or something? Maybe Miami-Dade County should publish a driving coloring book so that morons who drive might learn something. It is worth a shot, because nothing else is working.

Speaking of rain, we are under water restrictions right now. And it is raining right now as I type this. But what do you want to bet that some ass clown has their lawn sprinkler on right now? Is it that big of a deal to buy a rain sensor so that your lawn watering device does not waste water? And lastly, what kind of asshole are you if you think that your green lawn is so important that you can just dump water on it when the area is running out of the stuff? Really at this point lawn sprinklers need to be banned. If nature provides enough rain, then your lawn is green. If there is a rain shortage - too bad. Deal with it. Paint your lawn green if you are that uptight about it.

I got more Netflix movies on the way. One of them (Children of Men) is a reader suggestion! Of the other two, I have seen one a bunch of times and the other is the final disk in a TV show series. Hooray! More crap to watch!

Baynanza is this Saturday. The marine forecast is currently:

SOUTHEAST WINDS AROUND 10 KNOTS. BAY WATERS A LIGHT CHOP.

Seems like it will be a nice day.

Some Sort Of National Madness

So I ended up watching the Super Bowl. I had no real interest in watching it, but I got invited to a party and there was beer and tequila and food and stuff - so it was not all bad. I had to watch some of the game, but that is part of a Super Bowl party.

Anyway, here is my synopsis!

The rain! HA HA! if you spend $5,000 for a ticket to a football game in my opinion you DESERVE to get rained on. The cheapest tickets that someone at the party could find were $1,500. After market price of course. If you were able to win the ticket lottery then tickets were going for $300 - $600 or so and you could only buy two. I probably should have entered the lottery, but you had to do it a full year before the game day. Or something like that. Would I have put my tickets on E-Bay? HELL YEA! If some idiot wanted to pay me $5,000 for my $600 ticket I would sell that thing so fast my head would spin. Then I would have gone to the party with the $10,000 cash in my pocket. When someone at the party said "you could have gone and you did not?!" I would look outside, point out the rain, then start to count my wad-o-cash.

So excuse me again while I laugh my ass off at the people who paid $5,000 to sit in the rain for hours. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Welcome to Florida suckers! Leave your money in the basket, and get the hell out!

The commercials SUCKED ASS! Totally sucking there. I saw a bunch of commercials I had already seen! What gives there? LAME! And there were even commercials for the CBS Evening News!! What the crap? Could not sell all that air time huh? You should have told me! I would have given $50 or $100 for those 15 seconds. It would have been $50 or $100 more than they made throwing out a promo for a news show. I could have made a 15 second commercial better than ANY other commercial aired.

An estimated 250,000 people crammed into South Beach for the "parties". Of course most of the good parties were closed to VIPs only. That is how it always is. So what is South Beach? Ill tell you! It is a small place. The Art Deco district is only a few blocks. There ARE a lot of bars and night clubs - but there is no place to park. I can not imagine how so many people crammed into such a small area. it must have been a lot like putting 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag.

I want to take more time to laugh at the fools who paid $5,000 PLUS airfare PLUS an overpriced hotel room PLUS meals PLUS rental car fee / cab money just to sit in the rain for a few hours. You could have saved a lot of money by paying me $50 to sit in my front yard and watch a TV through a window!

And did I mention that it hardly rained at all at the party I was at? It drizzled a bit, but it was not really "raining".

So now things can return to normal. The airport will be a mess tomorrow. Not only is it CRUISE SHIP DAY but it is also Super Bowl people leaving day. So what is cruise ship day? This is the day that a ship (or several ships) return to port. You know it is cruise ship day because of all the tour buses on the departure level. The buses show up in waves, unloading hundreds or even thousands of people at a whack. So add that to the extra traffic caused by Super Bowl and you have a mess. But I am not working airport checkpoint security anymore - so cruise ship day is not a big deal. Actually, I am not working at the airport at all anymore. So no worries about that! When I did work there I would use the employee parking areas, and ride the free employee shuttle bus so I would never have to drive the terminal loop. It will be extra super crazy there today. I feel sorry for anyone who has to drive to that place. Mostly the shuttle bus drivers. They are nice. Or at least they were nice to me.

So there you go! The Super Bowl from a very lazy point of view.

HA HA if you paid thousands of dollars to get rained on! You deserved it. People are starving to death in third world countries and you paid HOW MUCH to watch a football game?!?!

The commercials sucked ass. They sucked mega super donkey balls ass.

It did not rain very much at the house party I went to! Just some drizzle. HA HA again.

There were 250,000 idiots packed into a small area all day Saturday. How the hell everyone got there with SUPER CRAPPY public transportation and no place to park private vehicles is a mystery to me. There is a light rail system in Miami, but it does not go anywhere near the beach. So I guess they all got there by bus or taxi? Who knows. All I know is that I avoided that area like it was the black death.

Extra super crazy day at both of the South Florida major airports! But I will not be anywhere near either of them. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that. And so on in that manner.