Random Crap

That is right folks, time for another random crap post! No telling what I will write about today! Will it be things that piss me off? Maybe. Things that do not piss me off? Possibly. Who knows! Anything goes!

And first up - old farts who should retire and move to St. Petersburg Florida and join a shuffleboard league. I am tired of hearing about Don Imus. I had almost been able to forget he was even still alive and then this shit happens. His radio show is crap - all he does is mumble about shit. He mumbles worse than Larry King. So here I was, able to totally avoid his show in all forms and then comes "the comment". And now he is back in the news. But there is good that came out of this. MSNBC dumped his show. They figured out that putting a talk radio show on the TV makes for terrible TV. Talk radio is for ugly people, this is why most of them are not on the TV. Nobody wants to see them (Stephanie Miller is a rare exception here). Imus had a face made for radio. Not TV. MSNBC should have figured this out long ago.

And now for a game! I call it "Whose Hat Smells Worse". The rues are simple. I list the contestants and you vote for whose hat smells the worst. The winner gets made fun of endlessly here. And your contestants are:

1. Don Imus
2. Garth Brooks
3. Billy Ray Cyrus
4. Donald Trump (his bad muskrat hair counts as a hat)
5. Smellie Dos Caiman, Senor Caiman's large hound dog that never takes a bath.

Next - more messages for idiot drivers in Miami! No matter how much you honk your horn, I will not run a red light just so you can make a right hand turn. You are stuck behind me till the light changes. Deal with it. I will not block the intersection or crosswalk for you. So go on, lay on that horn! The longer you honk the longer it takes me to notice when the light changes back to green. And it is up to me to blow my horn at the car in front of me. It is not your job. Got it? Cause there will be a test later. Fail and you get sent to Greenland to be an ice farmer. When you honk your horn at me because I will not ram the car in front of me off the road I drive even slower, and react slower to green lights.

And while I am on the subject, I do not think it helps to blow your horn at a freight train. I do not think the train dude gives a shit about you. I do not think the train dude can even hear your car horn. If you are in a hurry, may I suggest playing "beat the train" next time? Please do! You might loose the game and die in the collision. This act would raise the collective IQ of Miami by a few tenths of a point, and would be one less car on the road. Trains have a way of sweeping cars off the road so that the accident scene will not block me. So please OH PLEASE play "beat the train but stall out on the tracks and loose". Your death will raise the collective IQ of Miami a few hundredths of a point.

The marine forecast for Saturday is still:
SOUTHEAST WINDS AROUND 10 KNOTS BECOMING AROUND 15 KNOTS
IN THE AFTERNOON. BAY WATERS A LIGHT CHOP.
Not bad. But the wind speed forecast did go up 5 knots.

I have to replace one of the two batteries in the boat. I have the battery, I just have not taken out the bad one yet. The batteries are a pain in the ass to get to. But I should probably do this before Saturday. Tomorrow afternoon would be a good time. Or not.

Raining Idiots

It rained today. Yea I know - news flash, rain in South Florida - story at 11. But as always, there were idiots who forgot what rain is and how to deal with it. This is always amusing to me, for about 30 seconds. Then it annoys me. So if you are reading this and you live in Miami and you are an idiot - write this on a Post-It note and stick it somewhere.

"DO NOT DRIVE WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ON". Of course you probably can not read or write so the note will not help you. Maybe you can get someone to draw you a picture or something? Maybe Miami-Dade County should publish a driving coloring book so that morons who drive might learn something. It is worth a shot, because nothing else is working.

Speaking of rain, we are under water restrictions right now. And it is raining right now as I type this. But what do you want to bet that some ass clown has their lawn sprinkler on right now? Is it that big of a deal to buy a rain sensor so that your lawn watering device does not waste water? And lastly, what kind of asshole are you if you think that your green lawn is so important that you can just dump water on it when the area is running out of the stuff? Really at this point lawn sprinklers need to be banned. If nature provides enough rain, then your lawn is green. If there is a rain shortage - too bad. Deal with it. Paint your lawn green if you are that uptight about it.

I got more Netflix movies on the way. One of them (Children of Men) is a reader suggestion! Of the other two, I have seen one a bunch of times and the other is the final disk in a TV show series. Hooray! More crap to watch!

Baynanza is this Saturday. The marine forecast is currently:

SOUTHEAST WINDS AROUND 10 KNOTS. BAY WATERS A LIGHT CHOP.

Seems like it will be a nice day.

Exciting Day. Not Really.

What an exciting day this was!

First, there was that stupid test I was supposed to take. I get up early and stuff, and head off into the wonderful Miami traffic.

I really hate this place. People are so stupid, it amazes me they can remember to breathe. 60% of the drivers I looked at were yapping away on their cell phone, totally ignorant of anything outside their car. So this slows traffic.

And then when I got on the so called express way, it was backed up to hell. There is road construction going on. And by "construction" I mean there is some signs of work being done (crazy lane markings, graded but unpaved roads, concrete barriers, etc). There are also a whole lot of construction machines. But no workers. The equipment just sits there. So this slows everything down.

I know about this. So I left with enough time to account for the stupidity.

But I did not account for ALL the stupidity. The north south expressway is where the "construction" is going on. So I kind of expected that to be all screwed up.

The east west expressway should have opened up a bit after the first exit. It usually does. But as it turned out, some idiot had an accident and rolled a Chevy Blazer. The driver was probably yapping on the cell phone at the time. Anyway, the accident was over. All vehicles involved were well to the side of the road. All the emergency vehicles were gone, except for one police car and a few tow trucks. The rolled Blazer was on the flatbed.

And EVERY ASSHOLE ON THE ROAD had to slow down to look. OHHH! Look at the smashed up cars! Hey kids! Grab your cameras! Lets take some photos!

And so the traffic was backed up for much longer than it needed to be. Up to the point of the accident I was going maybe 5 mph. After I passed the exact point where the accident happened I was able to go 80 mph. Just like that. So most of that eastbound slowdown was 100% not necessary.

As a result, I arrived at the testing location at 9:01 AM. Yes 9:01. According to my phone.

The doors to the testing location closed at 9:00 AM. 1 fucking minute. Had the assholes NOT felt the need to stop and look at the accident, I would have made it where I needed to be with plenty of time to register and get seated and stuff.

I hope EVERYONE who was responsible for the "slow down to look" thing roll their vehicle tomorrow. Really. I do. Screw them. The world will be better off with that many fewer idiots polluting the gene pool. And it will mean that much less traffic, because thousands of cars will not be on the road Friday. They can all stay home Friday and look at a crunched up car all damn day.

Now it is a law in Florida to slow down OR move over one lane if there are vehicles stopped on the side of the road. Fair enough. But people were stopping to look. Traffic in the two lanes to the right could have moved at at least 30 mph - well within the slow down or move over law. Traffic in the left two lanes could have continued at speed - also within the law. But people were stopping to look. I hate that shit.

This is common in Miami. This city has to have one of the lowest collective IQs in the world. The Special Olympics should be held here every year, so that people do not have to travel very far to participate.

But not all was lost today. I was able to finish the "cargo carrier to bike rack" project. I bought the bike rack part last year. It has been sitting around for at least a year. Well I finally bought the bolts, nuts, and washers to attach the thing to the carrier. Ill have to remember to take a picture of the thing. One day.

And about the letter from yesterday's post? I called someone. They are re-auditing things. I think that the error will be resolved. No harm no foul. Life goes on. Computerized systems are supposed to make life easier. And they do - most of the time. Just not all the time. This is a case where the humans just have to correct the computer. And then punish it with "the magnet".

And seriously, if you are going to come to Miami for any reason consider your options. There are beaches all over the place you know. Want to go on a cruise? Use the airport shuttle bus thing. And if you want to spend a few days in the city AFTER the cruise? Consider your options. Try to stay someplace where you will NOT need to rent a darn car - unless you want to spend 40% of your vacation time stuck in that rental car. Rent a nice one! Do not cheap out! Trust me - get the Lincoln Town Car.

If you are going to the Keys - you may be tempted to fly into Miami or Ft. Lauderdale, rent a car, and drive to the keys. Good idea in theory - except you have to drive in Miami. Trust me, take the American Eagle connection to Key West. Once you are there you will not need a car.