Blessed art thou who do not do this.

To the best of my knowledge, this photo was not altered in any way. It is an actual stained glass window. I stole it from this website


Something wrong here

Do not piss off the supervisor

Here is the text that goes with this photo. I have no idea if it is true or not. Someone sent it to me as e-mail.

I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house. They were going to position it directly in front of my picture window. There was absolutely no way that I was going to permit this. I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window. He took out a plot map, a map for pole locations and a right-of-way document and explained that it is the best location for it. I told him it is not the best location for me and when I came home from work that day I did not expect to find that pole in front of my window. I told him I didn't give a hoot where he put the darned thing, but definitely not in front of my window. I felt pretty smug as I drove off to work because I felt I got my point across. I know darn well they are afraid to put it there now. Ahhhh, feeling the power, at least until I got home.



The cost of energy

More Venom

So you thought you were safe! You though that you were going to look at yet another boring blog! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you are in MY blog and I am 1/2 in the bag! That means I might rant and rave about ANYTHING!!! You are not safe!!!!!!!

However you are safe right now. I can not think of anything that pisses me off. In fact, I feel rather mellow. This is why I like beer - it makes me feel mellow. So mellow, I no longer hate the SHITTY of South Miami. Oh wait - I still hate South Miami. Never mind.

Anyway, everything is OK now. It is like 72 degrees in my head right now. The alcohol must be working. God I love beer. It keeps me sane. without beer, I would be in jail, charged with the murder of countless assholes. Assholes piss me off. HA! Assholes piss me off!! You are NOT SAFE anymore! I remembered what pisses me off!!! ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!

Anyway, assholes piss me off. The world is full of them. I wish they would all go away, so I could be normal. I really want to be normal. But I can not be normal, because assholes piss me off. It is a terrible circle. The more assholes piss me off, the more unstable I am. The more unstable I am, the more people I consider to be assholes. You can see there this is heading.

Why can't people just leave me be??? I do not want to be "saved". Focus on your own family, leave me and mine alone. Why is Spongebob gay? I have watched the cartoon and did not see any agenda at all. Why is Jerry Falwell still alive?!?! Has ANYONE seen my constitutional rights?!?!?!

I just want to LIVE!!! If possible, I want to LIVE on a sailboat in Aruba, far away from all the bullshit I have to put up with in the United States! And definatly, FAR AWAY from some shitty city that wants to give me a parking ticket. I work in EDUCATION! I am POOR! Holy shit, educators are way underpaid!! Leave me the fuck alone, go bother some rich asshole. He has more money than I do.

General Rant

OK, so I am at my favorite place in the universe, enjoying a beer or three (or maybe four - I lost count). I got to thinking, which is often a very dangerous thing for me to do.

Why did my last parking ticket cost $15??? What the fuck is up with that? It is 25 CENTS for 15 minutes. 25 CENTS!!!!!!!!!!!! How the hell can the SHITTY of South Miami justify charging me 15 bucks? Do you realize that for 15 bucks, I could buy 15 HOURS of parking? What the hell kind of communist shit is that?

I paid the ticket, but fuck South Miami. Next time I park there, I am going to spray paint the parking meter. Or maybe I will put super glue in the lock so the SHITTY can not open the meter to get the coins out. They can all kiss my big green reptilian ass. In fact, they can kiss my ass AND give me a rim job. Fucking parking gestapo, always going after the working man.

The worst part is that the parking meter was NOT WORKING!!!! I put a few quarters into it before I realized this. Was there anyplace else to park??? NO! So I left my truck there. The fucking parking meter nazi gave me a ticket anyway. I hope his mother is proud of his job.

If you are the mayor of the shitty of South Miami - YOU SUCK DONKEY BALLS! I hope you burn in hell you asshole. May the fleas of 1,000 camels infest your piss hole. I hope you get busted having gay four way sex with Elton John, Jeb Bush, and Boy George! I hope your balls fall off you fucking fairy. I hate you.

Just so you know, that $15 could have gone to something worthwhile, like stimulating the economy. But NOOOOOOOO! You bunch of nazi assholes has to steal it from me! Rot in hell you ass clowns.

Free Internet

Are you stuck in the world of dial up? If so, that really sucks for you.

However, there is something you can do about it! If you do not live out in the sticks, chances are you have neighbors. And if you are in America, there is a good chance your neighbors are H2 driving idiots. This can work out for you!

Get an 802.11 wireless card. If you have a desktop computer, get a card that allows you to plug in an external antenna. If you have a laptop it might already have a wireless card in it - turn that thing on!

Look for open networks. If you find one, connect to it. Rape that puppy! Download anything you want! It will be traced to your neighbor, not to you. Nothing is too illegal or vile to download on a free network.

How lazy are you?

It is fair to say I am lazy. Out of all the 7 deadly sins, sloth is my favorite. Gluttony and lust are also high on the list, but those sins require some effort. Well, except for lust - thanks to the internet (see my post about all computers having porn). Anyway I am veering off topic here.

This is just an example of my laziness. Today I did not have to go to work. It is now almost 3:00 PM and I still have not removed my ass from bed. I still have not even taken my morning piss! Now that my friends is lazy.

But Lazy One, how can that be true if you wrote this post? Good question! I have a laptop. It just happened to be close enough that I could grab it without removing my ass from the bed.

Anyway, how lazy are you? What is the laziest thing you have ever done? Have you ever considered getting a goat so it would eat your lawn and you could sell the lawn mower?

Watch Your Step!

Why I hate dogs.


Don't cry, don't raise your eye. Its only Dog Poop Mine Field

Stickers

I have a collection of stickers on my truck. Most of the stuff I have is either funny, or it pisses you off. I suppose there are some who have no opinion. Not all my stickers are anti-Bush - I also have pro-union, Everglades National Park and Biscayne National Park, and a What Would Scooby Do sticker. Here is the latest sticker I ordered. Look for one at a pisser near you!

Click this sentence to get your own stickers.



Would you piss in a liberal urinal?

Geocaching

Sometimes, when I am extra bored, I take part in something called Geocaching. Today, while hanging out at one of my favorite places, I got a great idea!

The Landmine Cache. I will obtain some fake dog poop and hide a cache in it. Will anyone pick it up? Will someone step in it? Copy my idea before I make the first fake poop cache and you suck!

Before you say I need help, keep this in mind. I had just consumed a liter of beer. It was a refreching German wheat beer - cloudy with a fruity yeasty flavor. Not as good as an IPA, but not bad either.

Bored? Check this link

What do a penguin, a squirrel, the movie Deliverance, The Dukes Of Hazard, some pigs, and racist turkies all have in common? Want to find out?

http://www.topeuro.co.uk/blagger/the_duel.swf

All computers have porn!

One of my most well known theories is that all computers have porn. If there is no porn on your computer, you are not normal. If you can not find any porn on the internet - you are beyond help.

Anyway, one of my friends likes to collect junk computers he finds on the side of the road. He does this to satisfy some voyeristic need to see what people have on their hard drives. Note to myself - never throw out a hard drive, unless I take it to the dump myself.

A few days ago he found an old Compaq on the side of the road. On the hard drive he found evidence of holy rolling. You know, christian music MP3 files (no doudt STOLEN from a some file sharing site...very sinful!), photos of saints, and so forth. Also on this hard drive - porn. Schlongs, and boobs, photos involving 3 guys and a goat, distrubing stuff from Japan, and apparently at least one photo involving a bottle of soda and an anus. Yikes!

Not that this shocked me - all computers contain porn!