Calling Bullshit
I am pretty good at calling bullshit. "Calling bullshit" is when you say "bullshit" when you hear something, as opposed to saying "that might be true" or "that could work". Here are some examples of things I have called bullshit on.
1. Pat Robertson claimed to have invented a magical potion that allowed him to leg lift 2,000 pounds. I call bulshit on that one. If I were to bitch slap Pat him and his 2,000 pound lifting super body would run away crying.
2. The Segway was going to "change human transportation forever" and that "cities would have to re-design streets and sidewalks". I called bullshit on that one.
3. Nukes in Iraq. I called bullshit on that one.
4. People with handheld laser pointers blinding pilots. I call bullshit on this too. I do not think it is possible to track an object moving as fast as a jet with a handheld pointing device. I can not even keep my laser pointer steady on an object not moving at all and only 50 or so yards away.
5. Conspiricy theories. I call bullshit on them because I find it unlikely that the same government that can not keep a simple domestic spy program a secret could keep alien bodies in a McDonalds freezer a secret. But it could explain why Chicken McNuggets come in exactly three shapes!
6. Anything James Dobson (Focus On The Family) has to say I call bullshit on.
7. Remember "Mission Accomplished"?? I called bullshit on that. I remember yelling things like "what a F$#%ing LIAR!" and "Why not just tell us that the moon is made of cheese?" at the TV when that famous banner was put up on the aircraft carrier.
I could go on and on. My powers to call bullshit on things are without reproach. Every so often I do call bullshit on things that turn out to hold some amount of truth, but for the most part I am usually proven right given enough time.
And yet - people still doubt my abilities. This is why humanity is doomed to keep making stupid little mistakes. Once my abilities are accepted by all, I can pooper-scooper at least 20% of the bullshit off the front lawn of the planet.
posted by The Lazy Iguana @ 01:15
14 Comments:
That's a great list! Good for you!
I called bullshit when "My Sharona" came out and they said The Knack was going to be the next The Beatles.
The Knack as the next Beatles?
I do not know if calling bullshit or laughing out loud so hard I pee my pants would have been the right move to make.
RABBIT, RABBIT!
OK, I initially fell for 2 and 3 (call me naive). But that's what leads to why I'm buying more into 5 than I used to. As for 6, he's mostly wrong, but sometimes useful when it comes to idiots who don't know the first thing about parenting. I don't advocate violence against children but his updated book looks a little less awful.
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I never doubted you, not once EVAR.
Saur - I can walk about as fast as a Segway can drive. And my legs did not cost me a couple thousand dollars, and they do not need a recharge every 5 or 6 miles. Plus, Americans do not want to STAND! We want to sit. And we want AC. And we want to go 80 mph.
Devil Uno - I have a feeling that you could help me rid the world of more bullshit than I could get rid of on my own!
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