Things That Piss Me Off Part 1

So, what pisses me off? Today we will find out! At least we will find out one thing.

Today's rant will be about idiots driving stupidly. Now in Miami, pretty much EVERYONE who drives does so stupidly. You have the chronic speeders, the "turn signals are for wimps" drivers, the people that use turn signals AFTER they brake and less than a second before they actually turn, the red light runners, the "FLOOR IT! The light is yellow and I am only 50 yards from the intersection!" drivers, the "I am so important, I can just drive on the shoulder of the road" drivers, the "road signs are for everyone else, but I can ignore them" drivers, the "I just floated to Florida and back home we drive on the left side of the road" people, and so on.

And if you drive by the rules you are also driving stupidly! You see, the driver behind you is probably a red light runner with no insurance. So when you stop - guess what happens? You have to drive by MIAMI rules, so when that light turns red at least three people WILL run it or else there will be an accident. Drive the speed limit? A chronic speeder will ram you. If you use a turn signal, the car jacker will KNOW you are not a local. And so forth.

But I want to single out ONE type of stupid driving to rant about today. This is "Things That Piss Me Off Part 1" not "things that piss me off parts 1 - 50".

THE PEOPLE THAT INSIST ON DRIVING WITH THEIR HAZARD LIGHTS ON. What a bunch of ASS CLOWNS they are!

This part is for those who live in Miami. Everyone else already knows this. HAZARD LIGHTS ARE FOR WHEN YOU ARE PULLED OVER AND NOT MOVING! Period. End of story. If your car is in motion, you should NOT have the hazard lights on.

Idiots tell me I am wrong all the time. They say stupid crap like "but I had a mattress tied to my car!" And??? When I tow my boat, do I drive with my blinkers on? NO! Because then you could NOT TELL when I was going to turn! Do I drive slower than usual (often below the posted speed limit) when I am pulling my boat? YES! And so what? I still leave the blinkers off.

They also say "but it was raining and visibility was bad!" And?!?! Why does this matter? If you can not see - you should PULL OFF THE ROAD you moron! Stop! Cease forward motion! Do you want to rear end someone? Do you think that simply turning on some flashing lights and not slowing down will help?

Another common excuse is "my car had a problem and could not go as fast as normal". And you are still driving it? Do you LIKE paying more to fix your crappy car than you need to? Do you think that continuing to drive will fix your car? Don't you think it may make the problem worse?
The reason (for all the morons in Miami who may possibly read this - assuming they CAN read that is) you DO NOT drive with the blinkers is because the flashing lights tell other drivers "HEY! I am stopped here! Be careful!" That is what your flashing lights say! Not "I am an idiot going 15 mph on the highway".

If you are on a highway, there is a minimum speed limit. If you CAN NOT drive at least the minimum posted speed - USE A SURFACE ROAD! You do not belong on the highway! Just because you turn on your blinkers does NOT give you an excuse to drive at 25 mph on the Palmetto Expressway holding a mattress on your car roof using your hands (NO ROPE! Just four hands attached to four very stupid people sitting in the car).

On a surface road (for the morons - that means a road with red lights), there is no minimum speed. You can drive 5 mph if you want. You CAN place a "slow moving vehicle" sign on your car if you know you are going to drive less than 25 mph - but it is not required unless the vehicle you are in can not possibly ever go faster than 25 mph (construction equipment).

So if you are one of the TWO IDIOTS I saw today on my way home from work (around 9:15 - 9:30 PM on Perimeter Road and southbound on the Palmetto Expressway getting off at the Bird Road exit) STOP IT! Either DRIVE, or PULL OVER and turn on your hazard lights. But only one! If you choose to drive, fine. Do it. If you need to go slow, fine! Go slow! There is no rule that says you MUST go the speed limit or faster. I will pass you if I need to. If you choose to turn on your hazard lights - PULL OFF THE ROAD! Turn on those hazard lights! Have a party! Dance to the beat of the flashing lights! Have a smoke! Drink a beer! Whatever you need to do - DO IT! Then when you are done, turn the lights off and resume driving!

People that drive with their hazard lights on PISS ME OFF!