The Dentist Part 2 - Return Of The Extractor.

So I know you are all waiting for the follow up post about the dentist! So here it is.

But first, a side post! HOW I GOT A FREE PHONE. Here it goes. My dad dropped his Cingular phone in the Gulf Of Mexico. Needless to say, the phone was not too happy about this and promptly quit working. He has phone insurance (the man has every kind of insurance known to the human race). Now I have been mulling over upgrading my Cingular phone. You know, to something with a camera and bluetooth. My dad could give a crap less about all that stuff - so when his insurance replacement phone arrived I took command of it. He can have my old phone which is identical to the phone he dropped overboard. Everyone gets a new phone! For free! Hooray!

Now back to the original post. The dentist.

I get there on time and fill out the paperwork. So far no big deal. When they called me in, they asked what it was that I wanted. DUH! I wanted the crap removed from my teeth! Why else would I be there - the "free" toothbrush they give you after the bill?

Anyway, since I wrote "when Moses was a teenager" for the "when was your last dental visit" question they decided to do some X-Rays. So that was first. I got the "bite on this thing holding the film" X-Ray then the full head panoramic X-Ray. So far so good.

Next they looked at my teeth. The lady who was going to do the cleaning told me "it has been a few years since your last cleaning!". At this point I am getting ready to bolt out the door. I told them that Moses was a teenager, leaving little bags set on fire and filled with camel poop on people's doorstep last time I saw a dentist. Did they think I was telling lies? Maybe I had been to a dentist just last month - but I forgot about it?

But I was there, and I do not run unless there is a bear running after me. So I just said "yea, it has been a while". At that point she said "I need the scaler! Hold on while I get it".

Now I like to fish. A scaler is this gnarly looking tool one used to remove scales from a fish! Oh shit. This is going to suck.

But in dentist world, a scaler is this little tiny thing that spins around. They use it to chisel off hard buildup on your teeth.

So she goes at it. The worst part was the SOUND. That high pitched whirring that can only mean one thing - this super high speed spinning metal thing is IN YOUR MOUTH.

And there was a good deal of stuff to remove. I could feel the chunks of stuff in my mouth. It was like little itty bitty rocks. Still, not too bad. The stuff had to be removed.

There was also buildup BELOW the gum line. This was the fun part! The spinny metal thing had to probe below the gum line to de-scale all that crap. Oh yes, there will be blood! And chunks of black stuff. You see, plaque when under the gumline turns black because of the blood.

But still - it was not too bad. The technician even commented that "most people are too sensitive foe me to do this without any numbing". The truth is that needles are scary. If I can avoid needles, then I am better off. So the slight discomfort of the spinning metal thing was better than the sight of the big ass HUGE monster needle. She applied some numbing stuff with a giant Q-Tip anyway. I did not need it.

After about an hour, the chiseling was over. And so was the picking and scraping and such. So I had a polishing, and then the final rinse with the blue stuff (probably Scope from the taste).

Then the real dentist came in. He was there for all of 45 seconds. Well maybe longer than that but not too much longer. He poked around here and there looking for soft spots to drill out and found NONE. So no drilling! My mouth is NOT the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge! So no drilling!

But I did have some deep pockets in the gum line. The technician and the dentist think that they are "pseudo-pockets" and not gum disease. Just some inflammation from all the gunk that was there. The X-Rays show excellent bone structure.

So I have a follow up appointment. They want TWO follow up appointments. What will be done is a deep de-scaling, where the spinny metal thing probes below the gum line to remove all the rest of the buildup down there. They want to do half my teeth one visit, and the other half on another visit.

But I am not dumb! I will not fall for that scam! They will do ALL my teeth on one day! Make me pay for TWO visits? HA! Not going to happen pal! Find some other sucker to make your Jaguar payment!

On the way out, my wallet felt $258 lighter.

And remember that "free" toothbrush that I should have got for only $258? They forgot to give it to me! I will ask for TWO on my next visit.