Adventures In The Mid-West

My parents decided to take a trip to Branson, Misery. Did I say Misery? OOPS! I meant Missouri.

I did not go. There are many reasons, but the main on was they were going to Branson. Now I have never been there - but it seems to me that the place is GREAT if you are.....you know......old. I mean - there is nothing in Branson except a bunch of theaters and stage shows. WOW! Major excitement there! How could I miss a show at The Lawrence Welk Theater! The bubbles! The bubbles!

Also, while I DO have the required amount of time in my annual/holiday leave bank - taking a whole two weeks and a few days off would put a major dent in my account balance. Enough of a dent to possibly rule out having the time bank to go to Europe early next year. Or at least leaving my balance close to zero after both trips.

But, it seems I DID miss a lot of excitement. They have been in Branson for something like two days and ALREADY here is what has gone down.

1. One morning my parents, and an aunt and uncle from Mississippi were getting ready to go somewhere. My dad leaves the door of the rental car open, and the car keys on the seat. BAD IDEA!! He should have known better, being a resident of Miami and all.

A gang of squirrels invaded the car. That's right - squirrels. As the people walked up to the car, the squirrels went nuts because they were trapped. The only open door was the one with people by it. So, the people backed off to allow the squirrels to make their get away.

And they DID get away. With the rental car keys. The last squirrel out grabbed the keys, and was to hell and gone in a flash. With the car keys.

Of course this left the humans standing there, with a ton or so of metal and plastic rendered totally USELESS because a squirrel stole the keys. Nobody could find the keys anywhere.

So they called the cops. What else can you do when you are robbed by squirrels?

The rental company in Miami was contacted to see if they could send more keys to Branson. They could not. All the keys to that car were in the possession of a squirrel. And being a rental car, nobody could make more keys.

So the thing had to be taken to Saint Louis on a flatbed truck, and another car was sent back to Branson.

A few hours later, my dad gets a call from the Saint Louis police. It was a detective. He wanted to know if anyone left anything in the car.

You see, the rental car people in Saint Louis DID find something in the car. So they called the police. The police took the TWO objects and ran a trace on them. It turns out that the rental car contained....

TWO STOLEN HANDGUNS!

Yes, not one but TWO stolen handguns. Hot gats. The stolen guns were stuffed under the floor carpet. Who knows how long they had been there. The car was rented from a major company, probably Hertz or Enterprise. My dad likes to rent from these companies. He picked it up at the main lot located near Miami Airport.

Welcome to Miami! Here are the keys to your Malibu sir! Please take this map of the area and remember that if you get road rage or someone tries to jack you, there are two stolen guns stashed in the car for your convenience!

Now THAT is great customer service.

Why the cleaning people in Saint Louis found the guns while the cleaning people in Miami failed to locate them is probably under investigation right now.

One possibility is that the guns were not put in the car in Miami.

The main suspects are the squirrels. They are known car key thieves, and are wanted for questioning in connection to stolen guns. Do not try to confront the squirrels yourself, they should be considered to be possibly armed and dangerous. Contact the Branson or Saint Louis Police, or call 1-800-CRIME-TV.