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Monday, March 12, 2007

Monday Madness

Is this a good idea?


PMS Guns and hearing protection. Who are they trying to sell to here? Cause you could take this in two ways.

1. Get a gun and some excellent hearing protection, cause it is PMS time for someone else. You may need to block out a lot of noise and/or possibly defend yourself.

2. Someone else is making your PMS worse, so you need a gun and some hearing protection so that you do not have to hear all this shit about "is something wrong"? OF COURSE SOMETHING IS WRONG! And what are you anyway? Some sort of "pick up the dry cleaning" machine? Hell no! Someone else can get the damn dry cleaning!

Anyway, I think I would avoid that gun store. I would go somewhere else for all my gun needs. No matter how small the town is - there is not going to be any less than two gun stores. People seem to need a lot of guns! And for good reason.

BERSERK HOUSE CAT ATTACKS OWNER

HAILEY, Idaho (AP) -- A house cat attacked its owner, sending her to the hospital by ambulance with more than 20 bite wounds.

The cat, a black and white domestic male, went on the rampage Wednesday when a neighbor showed up at the door with a different cat, mistakenly thinking it belonged to the woman.

"She went to the door, and her cat went berserk," Jeff Nevins, assistant fire chief for Wood River Fire and Rescue, told the Idaho Mountain Express.

The woman in her 60s was taken to St. Luke's Wood River Medical Center with what Nevins described as "pretty serious puncture wounds." Neither the hospital nor the fire department would provide any details to The Associated Press on Saturday, or say whether she has been released.

The owner said in a statement that she recently had the cat declawed, and she thinks it is still pissed off about that. "I think it was a mistake to declaw Mr. Tibbs. Every since the operation Mr. Tibbs seemed to be plotting something."

By the way, this is a true story. That lady has a mean ass cat. Like this one, only not as orange.


PS that is not Fred. Fred has more white on him than this cat. But Fred has a mean streak in him. If he is hanging out somewhere and you try to move him - he bites. If he is laying next to you and you disturb him - he bites you. They say fat cats are jolly. THEY are wrong. Fred is here with me now, and I am afraid to move or put away the laptop. He is purring now, but I know that is just a ruse.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Matt said...

Animals are extremely unpredictable. I should know.

10:24  
Blogger Daisy said...

I am scairt of guns. But I think I am even more scairt of that very crazy cat.

13:28  
Blogger Badoozie said...

I think Fred is mad at you for something, perhaps he resents you...my left hand keeps going numb, I'm pretty sure its because my new furniture was torn up.

15:23  
Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

It seems like every day I read about some man killing his wife and kids. I think women are smart for getting packed.

I would like to see all cats used as chum. When they splash around they look so cute.

19:23  
Blogger actonbell said...

Has TLP blogged about how she wound up in the emergency room, after dddragon's elderly cat bit her? Well, she did, and she was very embarrassed about it. Cat saliva can be dangerous to some people, and TLP has lots of interesting allergies. She was giving Chatham a pill when he managed to tear into her, and her hand swelled up, and she got dizzy and ran a fever, and had to get an antibiotic. Then, she was allergic to the antibiotic they gave her, so she wound up at the doctor's office twice for a cat bite.
PMS gun shop!! (the hubby's glad that all it inspires in me is some sort of sleeping disease. Yawn). That's better than the place near us that used to say, "tattoos in the rear." They meant that it was a rear address, but--they changed that sign:) Yes, I can walk to two places to get a tattoo. And I'm commenting under the influence, again. Sorry.

21:43  
Blogger Badoozie said...

Oh lordy I'm laughing so hard at senor's comment, what will he come up with next?

that Fred is a satan cat, a devils spawn, watch your back, and don't fall asleep too deeply

21:53  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

This cat is NOT Fred. That is just some cat I found on Google Images by searching for "mad cat". Fred usually does not get like that, he just growls once or twice then bites if you keep doing whatever it is that pissed him off. Most of the time he is very nice. He only bites when you try to move or restrain him.

Actionbell - I think the Catham bite story was written about somewhere. And there are the occasional comment TLP leaves about that incident.

Caiman - I use menhaden oil and squid. Minnows also work well.

00:15  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

PMS + Guns = BAD IDEA!
Especially when combined with drinking cheap scotch.
I have a real bitch of a cat. She's a tortoiseshell and looks so cute and fluffy, but if you touch her when she doesn't really want to be touched, she doesn't just give you the cold shoulder, she makes that yodeling getting ready to fight sound. She's not my favorite cat but I have a soft spot for animals and my son likes her even though she's a total bitch, so I haven't tried to find her a new home with a more patient owner.

01:26  
Blogger Meow said...

I am a cat lover, but I know that cats are such 2-faced critters, prone to attack without warning ... I know, it happens to me all the time. My female kitty is so 2-faced it shocks me.
Hope you are having a great week.
Take care, Meow

05:44  
Blogger Badoozie said...

I knew that wasn't fred I really did I promise. So don't get your briefs all in a bunch. Wait, you're a boxer guy aren't you?

11:59  
Blogger Kristen said...

I don't like guns, but I did have a white trash boyfriend who took me to a shooting range for a date. Apparently, an intense dislike for firearms doesn't have anything to do with how well you shoot them.

PS: In order for her fur to be shaved off, the vet had to seduce her. I mean SEDATE.

13:11  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

BTW, Fred sounds like my brother's cat Linus, whom he inherited when his wife's mother died. Linus had a head injury and is very crazy. He even makes the bipolar Cheesemeister look very well-balanced mentally.
Linus likes my brother and my sister-in-law. Linus will sometimes want to be petted by other people but you have to watch his tail. If he starts twitching it, back away slooooowly.
Linus makes most people very nervous.

03:28  

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