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Saturday, March 10, 2007

More traffic

I am now number 4 on Google for a search containing "cute chick nice pussy". Not bad for only 24 hours! But it seems that sites number 1 - 3 have the same photo I have. Site 5 is some kind of porn index or whatnot. So I am going to say HOT chick with nice pussy this time. But do not worry, there are no photos of a baby chicken on fire. That is just wrong.

No, what I wanted to talk about today is peeing into the Grand Canyon. I mean why not? It is a big hole in the Earth right? All the camping books say you should dig a latrine to mess in. Cats are not the only creatures that should bury their crap you know. But what if nature already provides you with a ditch? Why not use that? Can YOU dig a ditch a mile deep and 20 miles wide? I did not think so! So if you are at the Grand Canyon and need to take a leak, just piss off the rim. No problem. Really. You will feel really stupid digging a pathetic little ditch barely a foot deep when you are only 100 feet or so from a ditch 5,280 feet deep.

And this brings up Uncle Festers Meth Recipe. Good old Uncle Fester and his meth recipe. Man what fun times that stuff is. That is fun if you want your teeth to look like this.

Holy crap man! TOOTHPASTE! Use it dude! I mean, if you can afford Uncle Fester's Meth - which happens to be the best meth recipe of all, then you can afford a $2 tube of toothpaste. And maybe even a tooth brush. And at the rate Mr. Meth Mouth here is going - that is all he will need. A TOOTH brush. Cause he is only going to have one single, solitary, tooth.

Personally, I use a TEETH brush. As in more than one tooth.

So yea, if you are going to use Uncle Festers Meth Recipe be safe! Brush at least 4 times a day.

Another thing Uncle Fester's Meth Recipe may cause is the sensation of "Meth Mites". This is cause Uncle Fester's stuff may cause damage to nerve endings, creating the sensation of mites just under your skin. You itch. And of course if you itch you scratch. And scratch. And scratch. And if you break the skin you pick at that spot cause it still itches. And as Uncle Fester's Meth Recipe can keep you high for days, this happens.

DUDE! Calamine lotion! Use it! Or at least quit scratching when you see blood.

So there. Now I have all sorts of cool tags for Google to index. There are hot chicks, meth recipies, and an in depth discussion of why the Grand Canyon makes for a good toilet. Pretty much something for everyone! Kind of.

It will be fun to see what my ranking is when I Google "Uncle Festers Meth Recipe" tomorrow.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

man, you are seriously going to kick my butt off that hit. THANK YOU. I'd rather be hit for stuff like "my girlfriend eats her own dandruff then licks and befriends the old neighbor guy down the street who ties up the criminals on the way to the walmart in kentucky spit on me"

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Badoozie - does anyone other than you Google that??

Anonymous politicallycorrect said...

The lazy,

Congratulations on your ranking.

I stayed at the El Tovar on the North rim of the canyon and peed into the canyon. The stream dried up before it made it all the way down.

I really don't like people with bad teeth. I don't mind freckles though.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just checked and you're not showing up for uncle festers...and I went back and removed that phrase from my blog, just in case my future employer ever finds that blog

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, I caught that freckle comment!!

Blogger Daisy said...

Do you think catnip can cause these same side effects? Because I don't know how to use a toothbrush, so I am gettin' a little worried....

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Catnip is safe.

Doozie - check again!

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Holy shit, Dude, I'm an EMT and those photos made me sick! Its hard to find things that make me sick. I can eat lunch while reading a medical textbook, that's how cast iron my stomach is!
My son would definitely agree with you about the peeing in the grand canyon thing. He keeps telling me that people pee on the Blarney Stone because they know people kiss it. I think he got this idea from reading Fight Club. He also says that Fight Club is the only movie that he actually likes Brad Pitt in because according to him, Brad Pitt looks cool when he's had the crap kicked out of him, otherwise he looks like a little wussy pretty boy. I think that my son is sort of a weird young man. But then again, look at the genetic stock he sprang from!


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