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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Might As Well Take Up Smoking

OK so I already mentioned that the State is on fire. But I must be exaggerating.

This is a fire map of Florida. I indicated my approximate position with the arrow. The fire icon things are the various fires currently burning. Or at least currently burning at the time the map was created - May 9, 2007 at 1600.

So at this point I might as well take up smoking. Why not. I am breathing smoke anyway, so I might as well get something out of it right? The haze is still here. Hippies all over the State are smoking weed, and when the cops pull them over and say "what is all this smoke in your car" they respond "hey man! My AC is like broken or something. I have to drive with the windows down". There is that much smoke hanging out. The funk is funky. And the fires are not really close to me! I can not see any smoke plumes off in the distance, just this haze that leaves a very fine layer of ash on my vehicle. I notice the ash mostly on the windshield.

But there is some hope! Yes, the dry conditions may or may not continue through the week! Because........

That is right! Hurricane season is not even here yet, and this shit is already going on. The first named storm of 2007, and guess where it is going? Well we DO need the rain, but not really the winds. Unless those winds push all the smoke somewhere else.

But this is not a tropical storm! It is a SUBTROPICAL storm! What does that mean? It seems that Andrea is a cold core storm. Sort of similar to a "noreaster". Tropical systems are warm core. Anyway, the strong winds for this thing will reach out much further from the center of circulation than they would for a tropical system. The good news is that it is not very likely to intensify. But even if you are at the edge of the cone of death (in this case a circle of death) you could get strong winds.

But we need the rain. And the cone being a circle means that the thing is supposed to stall out. Right offshore. And heading to exactly where the rain needs to fall to give the big lake a drink. The big lake needs the water. Of course so do the other parts of the State on fire! But not everywhere can get rained on by the first named storm of 2007.

NOTICE TO SNOWBIRDS - now is the time to get the hell out. You have stolen the last package of Sweet-N-Low from the Denny's for this season. Time to pack up the RV and go back north. You may return for more sugar substitute when Hurricane Season 2007 is over. Snowbirds can not hack a hurricane season like us true blue native lifelong Floridians can.

I water test the power cat Friday afternoon. Wish for rough seas for me! I need snotty conditions to test the ride on the boat. I want 15 - 20 knot sustained winds, blowing over the bay for at least 24 hours. I want the surf in the bay to be whipped up good. Moderate to heavy chop is really what I want to see! Maybe this storm thing will help me out there. Currently the forecast is 5 - 10 knot winds, bay waters at a light chop.

Oh yea, in case you did not notice I added IGUANA LINKS to the left sidebar, right under the online visitors thing. The Hull Truth is a boating form. There is also a link for South Florida marine weather (and land weather for that matter) and a link to the Hurricane Center prediction office. Both the weather links are from the National Weather Service.

And there is new Iguana Music, that has nothing to do with any Queen.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a little freaky it's only May and you're entire state is an inferno. You might be living in that boat to get away from the fire

I don't think it wise for me to be wishin bad things on you, I'm an unlucky person you know

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

This is true. If you wish me choppy seas then it may be glass calm. So maybe you need to wish for calm seas and fair winds?

If I like the ride, and I like the way the boat handles, and everything else, I might make an effort to buy her. But I do not know. I have never been in a power cat before.

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

I guess that means my grandparents (aka snowbirds) are going to be on their way north soon.

That map of Florida makes it look like a representation of hell!

Anonymous Lissette said...

So can we officially say that living in Florida is like living in Hell, since the entire state is on fire?

If this wind keeps up from Andrea, you just might get your wish for nasty seas.

BTW, I thought of you this past weekend. I was down in Key West and I found a bar on Duval called the Lazy Gecko. Not exactly an iguana, but close enough.

Blogger Normy said...

Wow... I didn't know those fires were so widespread. That storm oughta do some good, I would think.

My grandparents are snowbirds, they go to a trailer in Lake Wales every winter. My great aunt lives down there year-round on Okeechobee though... she's been through many, many hurricanes.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Ba Doozie - God is pissed. Jerry Falwell warned us that fire would rain down from above because Disney World will not ban gays from the theme parks!

Ed - most snowbirds are already gone. The general rule is to leave Florida once the snow melts. Or it starts to get hot here. Or a storm is on the way. Or the Denny's runs out of Sweet N Low packets. This has already happened.

Lissette - It feels like hell. It is getting fairly warm here. And with all the smoke and the early storms it just gets better and better!

Normy - it is hot and dry in FL. The fire season is not over yet. And the storm is moving away, and was just downgraded. So it looks like the first FAKE storm of the season.

And we LOVE our snowbirds here in Florida! We just love it more when they leave. They are like guests in your house. You are happy when they arrive, but after a week you are tired of sharing your toilet.

Blogger cathouse teri said...

Here's wishing for rough seas...
and beer...
and garlic chicken wings...
and sex...
there's gotta be sex!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Usually there is no sex on a sea trial.

The sex part comes later. When I kick all the other dudes the hell off my boat.

Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

Where is Smokey Bear when you need him?

Luckily my condo's are in Pinellas County where there are no trees left, just roads, houses and scientologists.

If you beat a used boat on the waves things are going to fall off, just saying.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Caiman - this boat is rock solid. Almost like a new boat.

It is in the best condition I have ever seen a used boat in.

Blogger Fuzz said...

Cool map. Well, maybe "cool" is not the word.
I was wondering what a "sub" tropical storm was.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuzz - we REALLY needed the rain. As you can see by the fire map.

But what ended up happening is the storm turned. All we got were some winds! And the winds fanned the flames.

The water situation is starting to get scary here.


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