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Thursday, June 21, 2007

All True

This is going to be good. And everything here is ALL TRUE!

First up, ever want to get your own domain name? Of course you have! I got one. Everyone is getting one. It is the hip and cool thing to do! My domain is "safe" - lazyiguana.org. No confusion there! This is an example of a good domain name choice. Now for some NOT SO GOOD domain names.

LAZY NOTE - not all of the following web sites are still up. But I promise you if you click them you will NOT get anything that you might think of when you see the URLs.

Lets say you have an online store selling pens. All kinds of pens. High end writing pens to cheap "Bic" type pens that are personalized with a business name or whatever on them. Now what would you call this store? I GOT IT! How about Pen Island? Hey that is kind of cool! Come to Pen Island for all your pen needs! It is kind of nautical and shit. But is this really such a good name? Lets see what it looks like as a domain name.

www.penisland.net.

Penis Land? What the hell? Why on EARTH would I ever want to go there? This is a horrible domain name. But it is safe to click it. It really is for Pen Island! Someone was not paying attention here.

But what if you are not in the pen business? What if you decided to have a web site where people can go to find out who represents who? Like say you want to hire some douche bag on TV to make a commercial for you? Do you know who their agent is? Well do you? Of course not. So you go to

www.whorepresents.com.

You can either buy presents for a whore OR find out which agent to call to book Gilbert Godfrey for your company holiday party.

And lets say you need knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at? Why you go to Experts Exchange.

www.expertsexchange.com.

I am just getting started here! And it gets better.

Say you need to find a therapist. For whatever reason. But you do not know where to look! You go to Therapist Finder of course! DUH!

www.therapistfinder.com.

And then there is a power generator company in Italy who got the domain

www.powergenitalia.com.

This may or may not have been a mistake. Those wacky Italians probably thought it was funny. This website seems to be down, when it returns who knows what it will be. Probably NOT a power generator company however.

But the Italians are not the only ones in on the gags. From New South Wales (Australia?) comes the Mole Station Native Nursery. My guess is that they sell native plants. And the web address they had? Sounds like something Michael Jackson would call his day care center.

www.molestationnursery.com.

Someone over there figured this out and seems to have moved their website to something that is not disturbing.

Looking for computer software that allows you to access your computer from anywhere over the internet? Then you need to go to

www.ipanywhere.com.

Bring an umbrella.

Pastor John of the Cumming First United Methodist Church in Cumming, Georgia was so proud of his idea to get on the internet. What better way to reach out to the people of Cumming Georgia and surrounding towns than with a web page? Church members could keep up to date as to the activities at the church and whatnot. So Pastor John registered

www.cummingfirst.com.

OOPS! I wonder if anyone has noticed? This web site is still up. And yes, Cumming Georgia is spelled correctly. With a U. Bring a rain coat of you go to this town! Chalk this one up as "good idea, poor execution".

And how about this web site?

www.speedofart.com

Is it:
A) some guy in a speedo cutting the cheese OR
B) some website made by brainless art / graphic designers?

Ill let you figure this one out.

And lastly, lets say you want to just get away from it all. At Lake Tahoe. It is a really nice place. Hell I want to GO TAHOE!

www.gotahoe.com

The City Chamber Of Commerce / tourism board really needs to run their ideas past me.

Speaking of things that need to be run past me, the Miami-Dade County Expressway Authority really needs my help. They have a public awareness campaign going on right now called "Move It, Yes You Can!". It is to tell fucking morons that if they have a minor car accident to MOVE THEIR CARS OFF THE ROAD! But no, people insist on remaining in the road blocking traffic. And in heavy traffic times these minor accidents clog up roads for miles. It makes you want to get out and stab someone. So the County has billboards like this one all over the place.


No big deal. Pretty good design. We have our Mayor (the dude on the billboard) all smiling and happy - putting us drivers in a calm mood. And a message for the public. Yes you can move your car after a minor accident!

But there is a problem with the billboard I took a picture of. It is in a shitty location. It is behind some unused railroad tracks off to the side of a busy road. So why is this a shitty location? A LOT of cars pass it every day! Well on the road this sign can be seen at (Bird Road for everyone in Miami - right past the Wendys across the street from AD Doug Barnes park by the railroad tracks at SW 72 AVE) has a lot of businesses VERY Close to the road. So the billboard is ALMOST 100% blocked to the view of east bound traffic. Here is a simulation of what this sign looks like if you are driving east down Bird Road. No shit.


The mayor, with the only words visible "Minor Accident". Really. If you do not believe me get in your cars and drive past it right now if you are in Dade County. If not then just take my word for it. The black area simulates the building that blocks the billboard as seen from a car going east.

Mayor Carlos Alvarez a "Minor Accident"?? Come on MDX, be nice! The guy is not that bad! I predict that once I publish this post there will be a job opening for a new director of the Miami-Dade County Expressway Authority.

MDX - feel free to contact me anytime for my billboard consulting services. I charge reasonable rates. Your "Move It" campaign is an excellent idea and really my hat is off to you guys for FINALLY doing SOMETHING to spread the word to people involved in piddly no real damage car accidents to get the hell off the road to wait for the fake cops to come and write a report, but you really need some billboard consulting services.

Labels:

11 Comments:

Anonymous Ed Abbey said...

You had me hooked at the first one!

Now my sides are sore from laughing so hard.

07:45  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

oh, those are so funny. I love the billboard.

My daughter wanted to go to the URL to see info on the White House and President a few years ago. I've never blocked the screen so fast in my life after I type in whitehouse in the search bar which takes me to the .com

Oh, it's a PORN SITE!!! Idiot!!!

whitehouse.gov is the proper site name. DOT GOV!!!

15:16  
Blogger cathouse teri said...

I love the billboard, too!

Hey, didja watch all those movies yet?

21:04  
Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The lazy,

Interesting names there.

You're in the worst place to drive in the country. You are so lucky. Pinellas County isn't much better though. Why do people have to follow so close?

21:32  
Blogger Ba Doozie said...

Herr...why do you have to drive so slow?

lazy, you have outdone yourself here with these wacky websites. I must tell you these are golden. The mayor was just trying to save a buck and did not check into the cheaper billboard and why it was cheaper

22:37  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Ed - www.penisland.net is golden. The website was offering "demo pens" so people could see the quality of their product. The demo pens had the URL and "Pen Island" written on them. They all sold out.

Emma - sometimes people just do not think. I feel bad for Pastor John, when this gets back to him he may have a stroke. The billboard is classic.

Teri - I am watching the third movie now. Reviews later.

Krokodil - they think that by following so close, you will go faster. Also nobody can pull out in front of them. Tampa / St. Pete has a whole lot of blue hairs driving around tanks built in the 1970s.

Ba Doozie - The Miami-Dade Expressway Authority put them up. Not the Mayor's office. I think that someone in MDX is laughing their ass off right now. But seriously, the billboard are a great idea. People need to be told to move vehicles involved in minor accidents the hell off the road. I support public floggings for those who insist on not moving.

22:45  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

All right, a good belly laugh! I need that, seeing as this stupid "diet" has me ready to eat my arm so I have something in my belly!
I think I promote a couple of those sites on the Adult blog. Penisland sounds familiar, as does cummingfirst and powergenitalia. But I would never promote molestationnursery or therapistfinder. However, the trannies in certain DVD's might enjoy knowing about expertsexchange.

04:26  
Blogger Normy said...

LOL... those are just great, how in the hell could someone just sort of not notice that their URL had an obscenity?

15:55  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - the web sites are great. I think some were picked on purpose. EVERYONE knows about www.penisland.net now. You do not forget that one. I would not go to www.penisland.COM however. www.molestationnursery.com is gone.

Normy - I think some were an accident, but others were picked on purpose.

The mayor billboard is still up. This is too bad. The Mayor is not really such a bad guy. I do not like some of the things he is doing, but over all he is doing a good job. I would vote to reelect him.

17:41  
Blogger Michael said...

Lazy:
Those domain names are hysterically funny.
I'm going to link to this post...

04:07  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Link away!

02:27  

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