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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

As If I Do Not Have Enough Already

So you may have noticed something new on the sidebar. The left sidebar. You see, I had to switch over to a three column blog template late last year. With only one side bar, there was simply too much crap. The blog would go on and on and on with no end in sight. Way past the last post the sidebar continued. So I found a boring three column template, stole it, and then proceeded to customize it. So now behold in all its glory! My sidebars full of crap! Marvel at its glory.

But it seems someone did not think I had enough stuff. So they gave me the red button thing. The red button thing is the creation of two people. This person, and that person. Also known as Doozie "The Beagle Master" and Emma "Sometimes High On Coffee". Or always high on coffee. Anyway, something to do with coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

Anyway, DO NOT PRESS THE RED BUTTON. It is very important. Really. So do not press it. OK? Good. I knew you could follow simple directions.

Now on to movie reviews! Yes movie reviews. We will start with...

Intimacy. Two strangers meet every Wednesday for hot sex. The sex scenes are not simulated by the way. The actors are either doing a REALLY good job at acting, or they are actually having sex on camera. Not like porno sex or anything, just regular hot non porno sex. By the way - it is not acting. Trust me here. You do not "act" like you are sticking something into your mouth. You are either doing that or not. Acting has nothing to do with it.

Anyway, the movie is about much more than sex. It is about relationships. You see, the two just meet for sex once a week. Very little is said. They do not even know each others name. Just sex, then the chick gets up and leaves.

But after a few weeks, the guy wants to find out more about her. So he follows her. And wants to know more about her. Like what her name is. What she does. Anything. And then the real story unfolds. The guy wants more than just sex. He wants her. Will she stay with him? Can she stay with him?

Anyhow, it gets 4 tail whips. One tail whip for the boob shots, and three for the story. I suppose this counts as a chick flick, but the boob shots make up for that. And it is not the standard sappy horrible chick flick. It is gritty and real.

The Mothman Prophecies. The other movie. Now I never expected much from this one. Really. I mean, look at the title. What the hell is a Mothman anyway?

Well it seems that a while back, a bunch of (drunk...stoned....tripping on LSD....all of the above) people were seeing something. This half moth half man thing with glowing red eyes. Spooky huh. Anyway this moth thing would tell people stuff. Stuff that would supposedly come true. But after one event, a tragic event on a river, the moth thing went away and was never seen by anyone again. So they made a movie out of this supposedly true story.

2 tail whips. The movie was pretty cheesy. Even for a movie I knew was going to be bad, it was awful. First off, they never show the Mothman! How can you have a creepy movie without showing the creep? I felt cheated. The movie tried to take itself way too seriously. The director had to know the movie was crap. And so did the actors. And the film crew. And the prop guy. And the janitor. Everyone involved with it had to know it was crap. So why not try to have some fun with it? Oh well. 2 tail whips. Nothing gets 1 tail whip - that honor is reserved for something truly awful.

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I dunno...I think I'll stick to porno.
Unless there were schlong shots too.

Blogger McBunni said...

I pressed it!!!!! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I already know about pressing that button ....great mcbunni went and blew up the entire interrrnet.

I've slacked on movie watching had the same one on my nightstand for weeks now

Blogger Daisy said...

OK, I am not going to press the button. But I really want to... No I won't do it. I wonder what happens... Aaaaaah! I give up, I have to press it!

Blogger Fuzz said...

Ha Ha. I didn't mash the button. I can also drink one beer, and leave the other 5 in the frig for a week.

Blogger TLP said...

First thing I did was click on the red button. I was born that way.

Blogger cathouse teri said...

I had to come press the red button. In fact, I'm glad you subliminally offered it up as an idea, since I was having a hard time not pressing my own!

(Oh man, all this sex talk is heating me up!)

You knew I'd do it. Every knows how easy I am!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - The sex scenes were fairly detailed. But the pizza guy never showed up. There was a real plot and stuff. And there were some dong shots.

McBunni - I knew someone would be unable to follow simple instructions.

Doozie - I go through movie phases. Sometimes I watch the Netflix movies as quickly as I get them - other times they hang out here a while.

Daisy - Then you have seen my "Oh Shit" page. You got stuck there.

Fuzz - When I am here hanging out by myself I can just open the fridge and look at the beer. Thats it. Just look. Yup, still there! And then drink water. No problem. fine beer is supposed to last more than 1 day.

TLP - whenever someone says "do not press the button" the first thing you want to do is press the button. That is why dangerous buttons should never be installed on things.

Teri - nothing wrong with being easy. Buttons are fun to press.

Blogger Fuzz said...

I could tell a story about kids mashing buttons, maybe I will sometime.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

something ate my comment. Blogger is being a booger.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Oh man--that pizza comment reminds me of a true story. I used to deliver pizzas. One place I went to the guy came to the door wearing a robe. He asked me to step into the study while he wrote the check. He "accidentally" let the robe fall open revealing his junk. I did what I usually do when completely not interested in someone that's coming on really strong. I played dumb. I took the check, left, and cracked up as soon as I got outside. That dude had been watching waaaaay too much porn! Only in porno does the Pizza Chick drop to her knees and get busy just from seeing a guy's manhood.


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