Florida State Song

It seems that the official State Song for Florida needs to be changed. The online petition is here. People are really serious about this. I signed the petition, you can see what I said by going to the site. I am signer number 200 so you can find my comment. And there are serious articles about this subject too! Like this one. Wow.

Now what is the big deal? My Miami readers may not even know there is a State Song. Those outside the State may not know what it is. Well I happen to know. And no, it is NOT "La Cucaracha". Although it could be. There are a whole lot of roaches in Florida. So that would be a perfectly acceptable State Song.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque le falta, porque no tiene
Marihuana que fumar.

In English the translation is:

The cockroach, the cockroach
Can not walk anymore
Because it lacks, because it does not have
Marijuana to smoke.

See? A great State Song for Florida. It contains a reference to our State Bird / insect, as well as our favorite plant! By the way, now you know where the term "roach clip" came from.

Anyway, that is not the point. The point is that the current State song is CORRECTLY called "Old Folks At Home". Many think it is "Swanee River", but that is not the original title. It is Old Folks At Home. Written by one Stephen Foster in 1851. Foster is some kind of super genius because he never once visited Florida, yet he somehow knew about all the old folks. LOTS of old people here. Do not believe me? Try to get seated at Denny's at the time the blue plate specials are going on. You have to make reservations 2 weeks in advance.

If you want to see the words to the song, here is the link. Seriously, this is really the State Song. Foster wrote it to be sung by a comedy troop preforming in black face. It was written in slave dialect. In the song the singers are "still longing for de old plantation, and for de old folks at home". Foster lived in Pennsylvania and never even came close to Florida. I think someone warned him about the roaches with no marijuana to smoke.

The original State Song was "Florida, My Florida". This song was adopted by the State in 1913. But this song was very boring. So in 1935 the State changed it to "Old Folks At Home" to honor a yankee who never came anywhere near the South during his life. And since 1935 the State Song has been "Old Folks At Home".

Anyway, Jerry Atric is upset about the song title. "What do you mean old folks at home" Jerry said. "You know, sometimes we do go on vacation. We are not always at home. We also go to the Denny's for the blue plate special and steal all the packets of Sweet N Low".

And Mr. Jerry Atric is right. The old folks are not always at home. Since in FL you can renew your drivers license through the mail and never have to go near a DMV old folks are also driving all over the place. Once a week some lucky business owner gets a free drive through window installed by a well meaning old person driving a 1975 Buick. You know that the brake and gas pedal do look alike.

So I have my own suggestions for the new State Song. Seeing as how the current song was a "comedy" song, I had to really think about my suggestions. So here they are!

Sittin On A Bench In Delray
Bald Spot
Won't Eat Prunes Again
Old Spice Girls (not really a song but what the hell)
Sweatin With The Old People (another non song, but still workable)
Walkin In Dog Mess
Sabado Night Cock Fights (not just in South Florida by the way. But people care more about dog fights so these stories never get any press. And yes this probably happens in North Florida as well)
Genital Warts (only applies to some people in FL - check the medicine cabinet for Valtrex)
I Take A Crap (The Fiber Song)
Hand Job (Strip Club Song)
Sea Of Fat
Sink Or Float

I think that is a good start. I can probably come up with more State Song suggestions, but this is a good working list for now. In fact, this is a pretty impressive list. It may take some time to go through it. Most links are only a few hundred kilobytes.