Iguana Investigative Report

In this investigative report, I decided to find out why in the hell we mess with the clocks twice a year.

Now some think that this whole daylight savings time BS started long ago, in a galaxy far away.

Now yea I know that Wikipedia says this about DST.

"in 1905, the prominent English builder and outdoorsman William Willett was inspired to invent DST during one of his pre-breakfast horseback rides, when he observed with dismay how many Londoners slept through the best part of a summer day.[16] An avid golfer, he also disliked cutting short his round at dusk. His solution was to advance the clock during the summer months, a proposal he published two years later.[17] He lobbied unsuccessfully for the proposal until his death in 1915; see Politics for more details. Wartime Germany, its allies, and their occupied zones were the first European countries to use DST, starting April 30, 1916. Britain, most other belligerents, and many European neutrals soon followed suit, but Russia and a few other countries waited until the next year, and the United States did not use it until 1918. Since then the world has seen many enactments, adjustments, and repeals.[18]"

But all that shit is wrong. Like we are messing with clocks because some asshole wanted to play more golf. Please. That would never happen.

No, there has to be another reason. Something that would explain the screwing around with the clocks, AND tie into beer. Because as Emma pointed out, everything ties into beer.

So I did an investigative report to get to the bottom of this tomfoolery once and for all. And tie it into beer. Because that is how I roll.

Now hear me out. You have to read the whole theory for this to make sense.

It all started with the 18th Amendment to the US Constitution. The ONLY Amendment (so far) to TAKE AWAY rights. Bush is working on fixing this now. Passing Amendments that remove rights that is.

The 18th Amendment was a black and terrible day for the USA. It went into effect on a dismal miserable day - January 16, 1920. Suddenly all forms of alcohol were illegal in the land of the free.

But not everyone was sad. Some people were happy. They supported prohibition, because they were miserable and wanted to spread the misery to all the other people. If they can not have any fun - NOBODY WILL! That is the American Way, right?

Anyhow, flexing their muscles, the prohibition supporters (through threats of extreme violence) FORCED everyone to set the clocks forward one hour.

Thus KILLING happy hour! It was an evil plot to get rid of happy hour, and replace it with "angry bitter pissed off at the planet" hour. And so it was. The clocks were set forward - therefore skipping right over happy hour. People are all like "man it is almost happy hour! Two dollar draft beer! Excellent!". And then right when happy hour is supposed to start, some angry people barge in, smash up all the bottles, and set the clock forward one hour.

HA! Now it is not happy hour anymore! And we smashed up all the beer anyway! So HAHAHAAHA we win!

Only TWO STATES had the balls to reject the measure - Connecticut and Rhode Island.

But all was not lost. The dark ages lasted until 1933. A long time. 13 long and dry years. Well in theory. In reality people were just bootlegging, going to speak easies, brewing beer in the basement, and making shine.

But the forces of sanity and reason won the day. The only Amendment to remove rights was undone by another Amendment. The 21st Amendment.

Only one State voted to not ratify the 21st Amendment - South Carolina (BOOOO!)

And to celebrate their victory, drunken mobs turned the clocks at the bar BACK on hour - in effect extending happy hour and getting back the happy hour unjustly stolen from them all those years ago.

In remembrance of these events, every spring clocks would be set forward one hour, and then set back one hour in the fall (right around Octoberfest by the way - coincidence? I think not!).

This ritual eventually became DST. But we mess with clocks at 2 AM now so as to not mess up happy hour. By the time 2 AM rolls around you are not going to get any happier.

This makes a lot more sense than some ass wanting to play more golf.