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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Computer Funkiness

Well ain't this just peachy. The laptop computer is acting funky. I have no idea what the hell is going on.

So now, I have to decide if it is a software or hardware problem. It could be a hardware problem as the CD drive went south long ago. However it could be some software bullshit.

Here is what happens. The computer lags and strange colors appear on the monitor. The strange colors show up in the text, or as faint little bands here and there. Not so bad that I can not see the screen, but still - they should NOT be there.

Sometimes the screen will blink on and off, sometimes things get all blurry and shit, and sometimes the screen shuts off and this black and white blob thing shows up. But so far I have not lost anything, the computer recovers.

And of course I have no idea where the hell the recovery CD is. And even if I did know where the recovery CD is, how would I install it? The internal CD drive is not working well.

So it would seem that I should go to the store and buy me some dual layer blank DVDs ASAP. Then I can back up the important shit (email, MP3, porn, whatever else). After that if the computer self destructs it self destructs.

Shit happens.

Of course the sucky thing about this is have to replace the computer! And right now is a HORRIBLE time to replace a computer. See Microsoft is pushing their Vista product. The problem is that Vista does not work worth a shit. Spies have reported that it is very buggy and does not like to run lots of software that XP runs. So you have to buy all new "Vista versions" of stuff. So what does this mean? My copy of Office will probably not install in Vista.

Reasons like this make me understand the thinking process of Ted
Kaczynski. This guy had a problem with computers, technology, and industrialization in general. So he lived in some little shack out in the wilderness of Montana or something, and lived without computers, phones, GPS units, boats, or anything else. As a consequence he never EVER had to deal with ANY Microsoft product. He never lost any important data because a computer running Windows just took a shit at the worst time. He probably never had some asshole selling crap you do not want call him while he was eating either. And meanwhile, the rest of the world considers him "crazy". OH REALLY? Crazy huh?

OK so he did decide that the solution to the problem was mailing people bombs. That is crazy. But on the other hand, as I stated before, he NEVER had to fight with any Microsoft product or decide if he was having a hardware problem or a computer virus.

If you think about it, yes the man has a few screws loose. But you know what? SO DO WE! Yes all of us living in the modern world, crammed like sardines into shiny metal boxes zipping along in bumper to bumper traffic at insane speeds while doing 5 other things in addition to driving are insane too. In a different, non bomb mailing kind of way.

Really. What is more insane - living in a shack in Montana without stuff that make you want to smash things up with a pick axe, OR waking up at 5 AM, checking email, scalding yourself with coffee, rushing to get to the train station by 6 AM so you can use a shoe horn to cram yourself into a already packed train car, just to get to someplace you DO NOT want to be at 7 AM so you can spend at least 8 hours there dealing with people you do not like just so you can cram yourself back in the train and go home for a few hours then get up and do it all over again?

Sign me up for the shack!

And on cue, the computer did its thing again.

So anyway, if this is a hardware issue then here are my options.

1. Get a new PC that will come with Vista. Also buy a copy of Windows XP so I can "upgrade" to an older operating system that ACTUALLY WORKS! Microsoft, you suck. I hope that you go out of business and your stock is worthless and Bill Gates has to live under the Julia Tuttle Causeway in a cardboard box. Oh please let the cardboard box be made of old Windows boxes!

2. Buy a Mac. Solves the shitty operating system problem!! But Macs are more expensive. I can not touch a Mac laptop for less than a grand. A grand I do not have right now without extending debt slightly.

3. Buy a PC and attempt to install the Mac OS on it. Hope it works.

4. Buy a PC and just load Linux on it. Hope it works.

Crap. A no win situation. I hate those.

Maybe I should just rob the Apple Store? There is another option.

I want to chain Bill Gates and the Windows programmers to the Tree Of Woe, so that they may contemplate their shitty products and how much they piss me off. Vista SUCKS! It is not ready for the market! So why the hell release it? Why can't I get a new laptop with XP installed?

So yes, to the Tree Of Woe with everyone involved with this conspiracy. With extra buzzards to pick at your flesh.

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Blogger Doozie said...

is the video card going out? do those computers have one? am I barking up the wrong gnarled tree? oh wait, i'm using a mac, yes go rob a mac store

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Doozie - could be the video card. But I don't know. I had video cards give up before. It did not look the same. Usually the colors just get all funky and/or your computer quits displaying one of the three colors (red, green, or blue). What I am seeing now is random craziness which fixes itself.

I just cleaned and re-oiled the air filter in the truck.

Blogger Lilacspecs said...

If I had an iota of photoshopping talent I would SO give you some kind of Conan award/button thingy. Now you just need to find a youtube of the part where he bites the vulture's head off...

Blogger ponder this said...

all these things that are supposed to save us time(computers, cars...)have filled our lives.

....get me to that shack, quick!

Anonymous krok78 said...

The Lazy,

For some reason I always think about you on ethnic holidays. Because you're my friend I'm biting my tongue, I think I see a romance starting here and it's not Doozie.

Blogger Avery Gray said...

Where can I find one of those trees?

Blogger Lily Strange said...

That Ted is a stud. Reminds me of the first guy I dated after I got divorced. I really was not in a good place mentally and what I got involved with really reflected it.
I do NOT need the Tree of Woe! I'm rapid cycling bipolar--I get strapped to it about once a month! I need the Tree of Glee so I can do the Dance of Joy beneath it's happy branches. Gee, that really sounds sickeningly nice. Maybe I need to throw up now.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Lilac - I have the DVD now, so I can make my own You Tube clips! Arnold should have retired after Conan. That was his best movie. Conan Arnold could so kick Governor Arnold's ass.

Ponder - the problem with the shack is that it lacked running water, electricity, and a shower. STINKY!

Krok - you see a lot of things don't you? Too much LSD??

Avery - You mean a Tree Of Woe or a tree with some muscular dude chained to it?

Lily - I had a happy tree, but Hurricane Katrina knocked it over. It made me sad. A few days later Katrina hit New Orleans. Suddenly my tree loss was totally and utterly insignificant. I got lucky, Katrina hit me as a category 1. Had it been a 4 or 5 the house would have been badly damaged as I was in the eye.


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