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Friday, January 04, 2008

Target Pisses Me Off

I do not know why this is. But it is true. Target pisses me off. Actually I DO know why this is.

It all started with the new phone. See the new phone EATS BATTERIES UP. Of course maybe this is because I am always playing with it. I can get the internet anywhere now. Streaming XM satellite music, over the phone, anywhere. I have a plan to get free XM service for years. See you can get a FREE three day trial by providing an email address. And I have BlueHost taking very good care of my lazyiguana.org domain. Included with my domain are 1500 email address accounts. So doing some math I have discovered that I can sign up for a free three day XM trial every three days for the next 4,500 days. That is 12.3 years. Pay for XM service? Why when it is free?? I may be crazy, but I am not stupid.

It is really cool. I have a 4 gig mini-SD card that I can put MP3 files on, and if that is not enough (I know all you I-Phone people, you have 8 gigs) I can always tune into XM satellite radio over the internet using the phone.

And the phone has GPS with Google Maps loaded. So that means even more use! And then today I picked up some bluetooth stereo headsets for $40 from a friend who bought them but their phone does not support it. What does this mean? It means I can listen to phone music (MP3 or XM) in stereo WIRELESS. I can walk 30 feet from the phone and not lose the music.

So I-Phone people - how about that? Do YOU have the 3G network? NOPE! You have the older slower EDGE network. Do YOU have a built in GPS with Google Maps? NOPE! You have to get this hack add-on thing that sticks out the bottom of the phone. And you may have to hack the phone itself as well. Do you have full Bluetooth 2.0 capabilities? NOPE! Can you use stereo wireless headsets? NOPE! Can you use your phone as a wireless high speed modem for your laptop? NOPE! But you are sooooo cool because you overpaid for a phone that uses older technology and does not even let you use the full capabilities of the technology it does use! But hey - it looks cool. And it does have a better web browser. Whatever.

So I need a car charger, for battery charging on the go. ATT wanted some insane amount for a cheap looking charger. No problem, I go to Best Buy. Now Best Buy does not piss me off - that much. Only a little. They do not have anything for my phone. So I walk out and think where else to go. There is a Target next to the Best Buy so I go there.

And then I get pissed off almost instantly. First I go to the Starbucks there for a shot of Espresso because I have been up all night and now the sun is up and my 5 hour energy shot thing is wearing off. So I needs my coffee. But the flunkie tells me "we are closed right now for cleaning". WHAT!?!??!?! There are four people behind the counter. ONE is cleaning, three are picking their ass. Can't someone make me a shot of Espresso?? Apparently not. Everyone has to watch one person clean, while the other three explain why they can't do anything except stand there and tell people they can not do anything. It is clear to me that people DO sleep with their sister. The Target Starbucks counter proved that. Seriously, right there were four people that would make perfect poster children for a PRO-ABORTION campaign. Useless as tits on a boar hog.

Strike one.

Then I go to the electronics department. But they MOVED IT to somewhere else in the store.

Strike 2.

Then I have to look for the electronics section. So while I am wondering around the other shoppers annoy me. And the crankiness of being up all night starts to creep in. I HAVE TO get out of that place!!! The walls close in. And then when I find the electronics they have NOTHING. And what they do have is more expensive than what they have at Best Buy.

Strike 3.

I swear, all I needed to get arrested for over use of foul language was for some retard store manager to give me some shit. ANY SHIT. Even a "how is your shopping experience today". Do you REALLY want to know how my shopping experience is??? REALLY!!! I don't think you do you fucking retard! You can not handle what I have to say about my shopping experience! How do you like my "kick you in the balls" experience??? Huh?? Not very much?!?!? Why not?!?!?!

I had to make a break for the exit before I flipped out.

And then on the way out, the coffee counter was serving people. AGGGHHHHHGGHHG! I have never wanted to fire bomb a place before. But I thought about it. Get some motor oil from the auto department, a bottle from the bottle department, some rags from the kitchen department, I have gas in the truck, and lighters are by the registers. Everything I need for destruction in one place! America is great! Make up some fire bombs, run in the Target, yell "I HATE THIS PLACE AND EVERYONE IN IT" then start lighting rags and throwing bottles. Then take my receipt to customer service and ask for a refund because my bottles broke, and my rags and oil are currently on fire.

So I go back to Best Buy and bought a car I-Pod charger for $20. Because the car I-Pod charger came with a mini-USB charge cable, which is exactly what the phone uses. Works great. $15 less than the cheap ass charger at the ATT store, and if I ever get an I-Pod (which I do not need anymore or ever) I can charge that thing without having to buy anything else.

I still want to get the desktop cradle charger that also charges a second battery. And I may get the extra high capacity battery - but the extra high capacity battery (close to three times the amps as the standard battery - so it should last close to three times as long) makes the phone thicker. But the thicker battery would solve the issue with the battery life. Of course if I just used the phone as a phone and not as a multi media entertainment system complete with MS PAC MAN installed on it the battery would probably last longer too. If I ever find Donkey Kong for the phone it is all over.

These bluetooth stereo headsets are really cool. Wires suck.

Oh yea while I was in the Target I saw this stuff. So I took a photo of it. For Scarlet. I know she likes Blue Moon.
Full Moon! A seasonal from Blue Moon. I have no idea how it is, because I did not buy it. I did grab a 6 pack of Sierra Nevada PORTER but I abandoned it in the store and walked out with nothing because the store pissed me off so bad. I could not take standing in a line to buy something without drinking at least half the beers first. Then I would have finished the rest in the parking lot - and there you go! 6 bottles! Now all I need is some gas (full tank in the truck), some rags (have those in the truck tool box), some oil (got a quart of that in the truck tool box) and a lighter (would need to go to the Target for that as I do not smoke) and I would have made the local news.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Doozie said...

Good lord lazy.....you've brought a world of trouble upon yourself with this new phone. It's starting to remind me of the boat and all the accessories you had to find for that only this is just a phone. I don't think I would listen to the music in bluetooth cause it's not in stereo since it's only one ear. I sure hope you get it all figured out before someone dies

12:36  
Blogger TLP said...

Honey, you do not want people who are picking their butts to have a hand in making your coffee. Just sayin'.

14:20  
Blogger Fuzz said...

That coffee is overpriced anyway.

17:49  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Doozie - Bluetooth 2.0 supports stereo bluetooth. I have two headsets now. One is the old one ear thing good for calls while driving. The other headset is in stereo without wires. And I can also use it for calls. If someone calls, the music stops and I can take the call. In stereo.

TLP - good point. I probably did not want the coffee.

Fuzz - another excellent point. But I kind of wanted a shot, and there was only one place to get one.

17:56  
Blogger ponder this said...

can you buy grog in target over there???? that would be the only worthwhile product that target sells. sadly over here they don't sell grog, and we have to settle for foreign made junk at exhorbitant prices.

19:50  
Blogger Doozie said...

ponder do you have a target?

20:10  
Blogger Doozie said...

lazy you are getting entirely to wrapped up in this phone technology and I am afeared for your sexuality

20:11  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Ponder - I was sort of amazed to see beer there too. And then they had Sierra Nevada Porter! WOW! This stuff is usually not easy to find! But there it was. In Target of all places.

Doozie - you just do not understand. The phone is this cool thing. Something rather new. Newer than the I-Phone. So I have to get it to do as much stuff as possible, so that I can display my superior phone technology to everyone else. Think of the phone like a new pair of shoes. Shoes that nobody else on the planet has, but you know everyone wants. Do you just keep them in the closet and never wear them? Hell no.

21:36  
Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

First of all, I had written about half a post about how I LOVE Target (that's Tar-zhay, dahling) but didn't finish it. Then I came here and read that your Target has beer, and suddenly I was less enamored of my Target. But that's okay; I'm going to drop by there tomorrow and kiss and make up.

I like the Full Moon. It's good.

Just finished some Hobgoblin and now am testing the Brewmaster's home brewed Winter Warmer. Yum. Really good with about 1/4 a shot of Grand Marnier.

22:07  
Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

I've heard the Sierra Nevada Porter is really good.

22:07  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Scarlet - I almost lost it in the store. And I NEVER lose it. I think it was the fact that I went for so long without sleep. I was on hour 30 something of no sleep. That is a long time. I was starting to see and hear things that were not there. It was like a bad LSD trip - in the Target.I was hungry, but did not want to eat. I was thirsty but did not want to drink. I was hearing colors, and seeing sounds. Driving was this strange experience that felt a little like flying very close to the ground. I had to jam a pointy metal thing into my leg to stay awake at red lights.

I was in no condition to be in public.

23:16  
Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

I was going to comment on the recent post, but alas, I cannot. I wanted to wish you luck on acquiring that job. I also wanted to say goodbye, because I have been threatened by trolls and will be executed at dawn by Blogger.

I wish you could try the Brewmaster's home brew. You would like. Maybe?

12:41  

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