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Monday, May 21, 2007

Condo Commandos, Keeping America Ass Backwards.

This one is just too good.

Amid Water Shortage, Residents Cited For Brown Lawns

It seems that the Lawn Police in Riviera Beach, Florida have nothing else to do except harass residents for "code violations". People with brown lawns have been ordered to re-sod and fertilize their lawns or else face even more fines.

The problem is, South Florida Water Management has ordered MANDATORY water restrictions. People in Riviera Beach can only water one day a week.

The Shitty of Riviera Beach claims that "code enforcement officers are only doing their job".

Yea, a STUPID JOB. We are running out of friggin water here, and the city wants to fine people for brown grass? What the hell is this?

So if you live in that crap hole, you can either pay the water po po for violating water restrictions or pay the lawn po po for not having a lush green lawn.

This is typical of life here. Pure stupidity everywhere you look. You either have old fart condo commandos complaining about the color of your mailbox, idiot city officials giving you tickets for not watering your lawn during water restrictions, or some asshole pretending they do not notice that their dog is taking a shit on your walkway.

If I lived in that rat hole of a "city", I would spy on the Mayor, and turn his ass in for every single water violation I could see. Then complain at public meetings when his brown lawn violated "code". Make him re-sod his lawn. And then turn his ass in for more water violations. Sooner or later the stupid code will be changed, and the lawn police will have to find something else to do. Something useful. Like report pot holes so that the road crews can fill them in. That would actually improve things a little - so forget that ever happening.

Or what the hell. Give him a truck load of free fertilizer. I am sure that the Miami Metrozoo has a few hundred pounds of elephant shit they do not need. Someone living in Riviera Beach, Florida might want to keep this in mind. Can't have the mayor having a brown lawn! Help him keep it green and well fertilized. Along with all members of the lawn police squad.

Seriously - my profile tag line says "I am the last sane person living in Miami". You all do not know just how true that is.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

Lawns are highly overrated. I like that neon green quartz rock. You don't have to mow it, zip off the sprinkler heads with the lawn mower or even fertilize. It's always green.

So, really? Citing people for water usage and brown lawns? Is the county short on funds or something?

02:24  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Short on brains.

02:33  
Blogger Ed Abbey said...

Sounds like a version of hell to me. Makes me glad to live in rural America where we truly are free to do or not to do as we please with out lawns.

16:17  
Blogger Fuzz said...

If your lawn is brown during a water shortage, shouldn't they give you a medal insted of a ticket ?
You wouldn't even waste gas our do that CO2 stuff.

18:19  
Blogger actonbell said...

What a ridiculous conundrum--that is truly moronic. We had a serious drought a few years back, and everyone's lawns AND cars looked like hell--watering grass and washing cars was absolutely forbidden. So, I find what you say shocking.
Honestly, if I lived there, I'd have decorative rocks instead of a lawn. It sounds ironic, but it's the only green thing to do.

(btw, the grass came back--it looked dead and hurt to sit on, but it was just dormant.)

19:37  
Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

Those old Jews certainly enjoy complaining.

I saw where you all are under the tightest water restrictions on record. I have blue prints for a desal plant if things get bad.

20:08  
Blogger Ba Doozie said...

I think they are all smokin the grass! crackheads, the lot of em. you need to do an expose' on youtube, and become famous for exposing all of this

23:04  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Ed - this is just another case of the left hand not knowing the right hand is crammed up the asshole. I suspect that the city will relax the brown grass rules and take back the citations.

Fuzz - I think that lawn watering needs to be banned year round. That or people need to start to collect and store rain water.

Actionbell - you are correct. It is impossible to really "kill" grass. The shit always finds a way to come back.

Caiman - the water situation is pretty bad. Tampa and Key West already have desal plants.

Ba Doozie - I would rather organize a mass "donation" of premium elephant shit fertilizer to the Mayor. You know, to see that his lawn remains very green.

23:35  
Blogger Dusty said...

Sounds like fuckwits on parade as usual..amazing.

You still have your little kitten? Well, I got THREE of the suckers..6 weeks old..need another one? :)

00:31  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

The kitten is still here. Nobody wants him. Poor little unwanted kitten who has a home and unlimited food.

01:17  

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