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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Hey, You Have A Truck!

This is great. But first, NEW IGUANA MUSIC! Can't find this on I-Tunes.

I have a friend. Lets just call this friend "friend X" for short.

Friend X is, like a lot of people in Miami, living in an illegal apartment. See a popular thing to do here is take a single family home, put in a few extra shitters/showers, wall them off, and rent the space as an apartment. I could take a single family home and make at least 5 apartments out of it. Maybe more. Charge $500 or $600 per room and make a few bucks while other saps pay the mortgage on the place. But it is illegal. Against zoning laws.

Anyhow Friend X lives in such a place. Well the other day Friend X was getting ready to take a shower - and shit backed out of the shower drain. Real shit. Sewage. It was backing up out of the shower drain and into the tub.

So Friend X decides to....flush the toilet! Now of course there was a clog somewhere. Something was wrong. So what do you suppose happened? The toilet overflowed. Probably saw that one coming.

Anyhow, with the tub full of shit and piss, and the toilet overflowing, Friend X just left. I think Friend X camped out under the I-95 downtown overpass that night. Who knows. The point is where ever Friend X ended up, it smelled better than the illegal apartment.

Oh yea and it gets better! The landlord made TWO illegal apartments at the single family home. And apartment 2 is rented out to some crazy dude who just got out of prison. He spends most of his time drunk and milling about the place.

Needless to say, Friend X is looking for another place to live.

So what do I have to do? I have to find a place to dump the flatbed trailer. The County says my trailer is too large to count as a "residential" trailer. They keep telling me it is a commercial trailer and I can not dump it at the dump.

So tell me - if I can not dump the garbage in the trailer at the dump - where the fuck can I dump it? On the side of the road? In the Mayor's front yard?

So what I do is play dumb. The dump master says "you can't dump this trailer here anymore - but we will give you a courtesy dump today". Ahh, the courtesy dump. How nice. So I take my courtesy dump and go. After a few months they forget and I go back. I have taken 4 or 5 courtesy dumps already.

But I better get rid of all the crap in the tailer. I detect a moving mission soon. Very soon. Friend X better pony up for gas and beer. I already know what the deal is. Since I have a pickup truck I must love hauling shit around town.



Blogger Daisy said...

Courtesy dump?!? Hahahahahahahhahaha!

Blogger McBunni said...

I have a feeling I'm going to regret asking this....but....

When you say, "I should go to one of these exhibits and give everyone the helicopter."

What exactly does that mean?

Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

If someone asks me to help them move I stab them.

I use to own an ACLF and I sold it because it became a crack house. I still wonder where the old people went.

Just dump that crap in the glades.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Daisy - You should have been there the first time the dump people told me the trailer was too large. I said that all the other times I took the trailer it was not a problem, so they said "you can take a courtesy dump". I just about lost it.

McBunni - the helicopter is when you drop trow and gyrate in such a way that your wang-dang-doodle spins around. Like a helicopter rotor, only in a vertical orientation. Chicks can do the helicopter but they have to attach tassels to their nipples.

Krok - I am not very good at stabbing. I should be an expert, I have all sorts of bayonets. I did not dump all that shit in the glades, but I did find a way to get rid of it.

Blogger McBunni said...

I thought that's what it meant. LOL You crack me up, Lazy!

The more I visit your blog, the more I like you! LOL

P.S. I'm a Bush hater too.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I've always heard that the courtesy dump should be followed by a courtesy flush.
As long as it doesn't lead to sewage backing up in the apartment shower!


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