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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Safety First!

It seems to be Independence Day! America's Birthday. Sort of. One of the birthdays anyway. On this day 231 years ago someone wrote a document and other people signed it and independence was declared. The king was a fink and decided to tax people without giving them a seat in Parliament.

And how do we celebrate the day? We get drunk as hoot owls, BBQ stuff, and play with deadly explosives! Yes deadly explosives! An American tradition.

Here we can see what happens if you are made out of foam and hold onto the deadly explosives for too long.

Videos like this is why people get hurt. I do not know about you, but I have never seen fireworks this powerful. Well not the ones I did not make myself out of a pound of rifle powder. But I never did that. Making illegal fireworks is illegal. And probably dangerous. You could be like one of those foam dummies.

But like I was saying - come on! Yea you can get hurt - but you are not going to blow your head off! You are not going to blow your arm off up to your elbow. You may get a nasty burn if you set off bottle rockets that are in your pocket. But you have to be REALLY dumb to do this. Really dumb and wearing black socks with Crocs. But nobody could possibly be that dumb, or ever wear socks with sandals.

OK well almost nobody.

My point is they make these "safety videos" that are clearly rigged. The explosives used are pretty substantial. More substantial than anything I have ever seen for sale. Why not just be honest? Yea you can loose a finger or two. Is that not enough? Why make it look like you can loose your head? Be honest.

I decided not to bother the nice people at the dump with my oversize flatbed trailer. I came up with a far better system!

The County gave everyone these nice 96 gallon green garbage cans. They have the special trucks with the claw that come by, grab the can, dump it, and drive off. It is a one man show.

The neighbors are not in town. So I get this idea. Why not just take their can and fill it with crap from the trailer? And then fill my can with crap from the trailer. Leave both on the curb and let the truck come and empty them. Then put the neighbor's can back and nobody will ever know.

Dump or no dump - I will get my shit out of here either way! Take that Miami-Dade County Department Of Solid Waste! Your trailer policy is irrelevant. I found a way around it.

Have a great Independence Day. Do not blow off any body parts with firecrackers.

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Blogger Dusty said...

I am not fond of Independence Day any more. Perhaps its because I am a cynical adult.

Or it could be that one of my dogs has to be medicated for the week because she comes unglued with all the damn explosions. People that can't afford a freaking car will spend lots of money on stuff that provides a couple of seconds of oohs and aahs.

Go figure.

Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

Those white mannequins have no common sense. White trash.

You and the President are like twins. I read an article this morning that said Crocs are good for your feet because of the arch support.

Blogger Daisy said...

Have a safe and sane 4th of July! Well, safe anyway.

Blogger TLP said...

I love the pix of the dummy! (The one in the crocs.) I'm stealing it, but will credit your blog if I use it on my blog.

Actually, I hear that the crocs are super comfortable, but I have mocked the croc so long that I don't date try it.

Our state has a very dumb fireworks law: there are places here that do sell firecrackers, but not to state residents. They can sell them to out-of-staters however. So, if you live in New Jersey where it is illegal to have these fireworks, you can come to PA, where we will SELL them to you, even though we ourselves are not allowed to have them, and even though we know that your own state bans them.

Are we swell or what?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That picture of the pres is another good reason to get rid of those plastic horror sandals.

Love the garbage idea go for it who cares? also, find an open dumpster behind a store or apartment

as for blowing things up, that is soooo impersonal. I prefer stabbing

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Dusty - Dogs are worthless. They either cower in fear and pee on themselves when the fireworks go off, or they run around barking for hours. Either way you want to shoot them.

Krokodil - blowing up mannequins is fun. I could so make a better safety video if the Government would just give me proper funding. Crocs are good boat shoes. They do have good support. But you are not supposed to wear socks with them. That guy needs new advisers.

TLP - I stole the photo from somewhere. But I did add the red arrow. I have a pair of Crocs but I do not wear socks with them. Those are some nutty fireworks laws. But it makes sense in a way. f New Jersey blows itself up, the North East will smell better.

Doozie - I do not wear socks with crocs. It makes you look like you ride the short bus to special town. dumpsters are far away and require you to tow the trailer somewhere. Cramming it all in a 96 gallon can is better.

Blogger Fuzz said...

Lots of people use your trashcan idea. You can get a lot of shit in those big ass cans. The truck driver probably won't care, it's just another can like the hundreds of others.
I saw on CNN where a woman in Michigan blew her head off for the 4th.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

wearing socks makes you look that way? are you sure it's not just plain ole, wearing crocs in general?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuzz - you can put a lot of stuff in those cans. The County gave me a list of stuff I am not supposed to put in the cans, but I lost that list. There is probably stuff in there that should not be there. Oh well.

Doozie - Crocs are great boat shoes. Last time I used the boat I was wearing them. But you look like a jackass if you wear black socks with your Crocs.

Blogger Kristen said...

I have a great video for you, if you haven't already seen it. It's 10 minutes long, but I would have given a standing ovation at the end if I weren't so lazy. It's right here.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

My father once made some sort of concoction with gunpowder in a can. It sent off some cool sparks, then melted the can and the sidewalk surrounding the can. He never tried to make his own fireworks again. But he did fire up the BBQ to such an extent that the fire department came by to check things out one time.


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