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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Housekeeping

I need a button that says "housekeeping". That way I can press it whenever I need something cleaned, but I am too lazy to do it myself. Which is 99% of the time.

But anyway, I just did a little blog housekeeping. Mostly with my blog links. I added some, and removed some.

And I cleaned up the playlist thing a little. I removed some songs, and added others. And I am not done yet. Oh no. I want to add even more stuff.

And I better hurry! Because today I was alerted about some sort of storm or such crap that is "out there". Now here is the funny part. I had no idea about it. A storm? Out there? Really? I see no storm clouds! I think you are on drugs.

Except the people were not on drugs. And this is where it gets funny. So pay attention here. The people were extended family visiting Deerfield Beach from Ohio and Mississippi. Got that? OHIO! When was the last time Ohio was hit by a hurricane? Huh? Never - that is when. Oh yea they might THINK they "got hit" because what was once a mighty hurricane passed over them and dumped some rain. But the fact is that 0 hurricanes have hit Ohio in the past 50 million years. And the family from Mississippi? They live nowhere near a beach. They are way up in north Mississippi - on the other side of the state from the river.

So here I am - a lifelong Florida resident - and they say "did you hear about the hurricane on the way?". And what do I think? I swear this is what I said - "Oh yea! Of course! In fact, I am about to get up and get myself another Hurricane Reef beer! Want one?".

"No really, there is a hurricane out there! It is supposed to be here sometime later this week". Still thinking this is a joke, I say "well that works out well for you! You guys plan to leave Friday right? Good plan by the way, it really sucks to be staying on the beach when the power goes out and a 15 foot storm surge rolls in. Of course, you are staying on the 4th floor".

So today I decide to watch the local news at 10 PM. And sure enough, there is a storm out there. WAY out there. 2,200 miles out there. Closer to Nigeria than Florida. And of course, the local weather goon is already starting to bask in the lime light. Seriously, the news NEVER opens up with the weather goon unless there is a storm out there.


So yea, I should probably watch this thing. But other than that - it is just too far away to really get all excited about it.

Now for all you in places like Ohio and Idaho and Montana and places that never get hurricanes, here is what they are like. They suck. Your electricity WILL go out. And your roof might get ripped off your house. Both these things suck to no end. You see, after a hurricane the air is still. Very still. And it is hot as hell. Except after Wilma. Wilma came in on a cold front - and from the wrong direction. Wilma was a rare and unusual hurricane. It did not matter that much that the power was out. Because the air was nice and cool. Just open the windows and there were NO BUGS and it was colder than the AC is normally at.

But this is not usually the case. The hurricane blows out all your window screens, and no matter how hard the wind blows the mosquitoes manage to hang on. So you get to be all hot and sweaty and the bugs are biting you and life just plain sucks.

And now everyone has a generator. But I have rifles. I swear - I am going to start shooting at the noises. People fire up these darn things and let em run all night. ALL NIGHT! So now your window is open and you are hot and cranky and the bugs are getting you and you get to hear the lovely noise created by all the generators near by.

And of course, these noise makers use up a good deal of gas. At least 5 gallons a day. So every day, idiots line up with gas cans so that they can run the #@%$#@% generator all #@$%#@%$# night. But if I simply place one shot in a generator fuel tank, that will take care of that problem. I think I will use the 7.62x51 rifles for this. But they are not the most accurate. So I might miss the fuel tank and hit other parts of the generator. But I think that the end result will be the same. Quiet.

My generator is quiet. You can hardly hear the darn thing. It cost more than any other 2000 watt generator, but it is quiet. So if you are a cheap asshole with a $150 generator - you suck. Spend some more and get a real generator that I can not hear a block away.

But getting back to Dean, which is just a measly little unimpressive tropical storm right now - I will probably be in stage 1 mode in the next few days. This calls for me pulling the boat out one night and filling it up. And I will also start filling the truck up every time I use 1/8 a tank. That way IF the thing hits and the power is out and it is hard to get gas I will have a full tank, and another 55 gallons in reserve in the boat. Cause I am smart. Everyone else is a flippin moron.

Labels: ,

12 Comments:

Blogger Dusty said...

After reading what you have to go through if a hurricane hits..I will pray you don't get this one m'dear Lazy.

You could change the title of my blog to Leftwing Nutjob..its short too. :)

03:11  
Blogger Ed Abbey said...

Anonymous is one weird dude.

You make Iowa sound like the tropical paradise and not the other way around.

07:54  
Blogger Daisy said...

I am with Ed, Anonymous is very weird.

I hate hurricanes. At least we are not in the Cone of Doom yet.

13:01  
Blogger TLP said...

Well, as long as the Doom Cone hasn't lowered, it's all good.

No place is perfect. You guys get hurricanes otherwise you'd be overrun with people wanting to live there.

Hey thanks for the Bangles song! I liked the music on top. That way I think of it right away and I play it for the whole time.

14:09  
Blogger dddragon said...

I was just thinkin' 'bout you this morning ... every time the weather person shows the path of a hurricane, I say "there's a Cone of Death!"

16:28  
Blogger Fuzz said...

It looks like my Daughter in the other Tropical Paradise got shit out of her hurricane this time around.
When we get ice storms the power goes out. Then the generators start here. The neighbor had one that seemed to be right under our bedroom window all night. My Sweetie wanted to cut the fuel line.

17:12  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

OK, the buttons on the left of the column are overlapping the words (FYI). But I need to consider cleaning my space up, too.

As for the storm, it's just another thing for the press to get themselves worked up into a frenzy about. It's unlikely to hit or do much damage. I know, I know: Predicted to be the worst season, blah blah blah. However, I'm a native and the worst hurricanes I've ever seen were nothing compared to what they could be. I realize that this doesn't mean The Big One couldn't hit this season, but it's highly unlikely, just as it always was.

(Still, my hurricane supplies are stocked up)...

18:10  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Dusty - I will not, and it is done. In that order.

Ed - it really is not so bad. As long as your home is not wiped out, you get through it.

Daisy - Are we?

TLP - at least we can see hurricanes before they get here. And has the cone lowered? Maybe. Depends on the cone you are looking at.

DDD - I am glad I was able to educate everyone about the cone of death.

Fuzz - I would not say anyone was shit out of a hurricane. You really do not want them to hit. After an ice storm I would just light a fire and open the fridge. Do you really need a generator?

Saur - blog looks fine to me. I do not think it will hit either.

01:44  
Blogger Ed Abbey said...

I get the same thing as Saur but I assume it is a Firefox thing since I am running Explorer.

07:45  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I just loaded the page with exploder, and it seems to work fine. Maybe it is my laptop wide screen and/or video settings?

15:50  
Blogger Fuzz said...

Lazy- I get the overlap thing too. It is annoying. I use safari so I thought it was just me.

We don't have a generator ourselves, but we get to listen to everyone else's.

19:28  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I don't see anonymous. Were you hit by a dingleberry as well as a potential cone of death?
I'd rather do housecleaning on my blog than in my house. My house needs it badly, though.

02:29  

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