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Friday, August 24, 2007

Miami Intensive Post

WARNING! This will be a Miami-Dade intensive post. My three local readers (one posts under "anonymous" because he is too lazy to invent a fake name even if I allow that, the other who posts as -.- --- ...- . , and the lurker who I know is out there somewhere but never comments so I am really just guessing about that) will probably be able to relate to this rant. Everyone else may want to skip to the bottom where I rip on CNN's Rick Sanchez some more.

And now, on with the show! That is on with the show if everyone is all neat and pretty. I think I messed that up. The giant rat who lives in Central Florida will be very upset and kick me out of his club now.

I was going through my email and I get a link from someone I know who has created an online petition for the County to build a giant sandbox for men to play grab ass baseball in. It seems that Miami-Dade County has earmarked $88 million for the project (a retractable roof stadium), but the team wants more money. And you just know that the project will be in the budget! HA! What a joke!

So I created my OWN PETITION. If you are local to Miami-Dade County please spread this link around like Paris Hilton spreads around the clap.

First off, the proposed site seems to be the Orange Bowl. This stadium is old and crappy and really needs to be blown up. However, it is not so easy to just "build something else" in its place. For one, it is surrounded in houses. Parking is already a problem there. And now the team wants an even larger stadium there? That will hold more people? And where would the cars be parked? Huh? Please tell me. Nobody is going to use public transportation - unless the transportation is a shuttle service from a large lot to the stadium and back. And where would that be?

Buy out the property around the stadium? Great idea. It is not very valuable property now. But it will be if suddenly demand for that property increases! Oh yea. If I had a house near that place that would sell for $150,000 today and I knew you wanted to buy it for a stadium - the house would suddenly be worth a lot more. A LOT. I would sell it for a million. Do not like my price? Fine - do not buy the property. Build around my house - and provide me access to my property. Or take me to court to try to get my private property that I own away from me and still claim to hate communism and Castro. Go on. Try it.

So again - where is all this land going to come from?

Of course they want a retractable roof stadium. It is hot as hell here and it rains a lot in the summer. So they could open the roof for sunlight for the lawn, and then close it up and run the AC for the games. Of course this means a very large AC plant would also have to be built. And the convertible roof! That would be cheap to build, right?

Anyone with three brain cells to rub together can see that the $500 million budget is a joke. The AC plant alone will be at least $200 million or so. This $500 million stadium will easily be a billion by the time it is all done. At least. It could end up costing more. So if the team puts up $400 million and wants the tax payers to pony up the other $100 million - who pays for the cost overruns? Thats right, TAXPAYERS do! You see, once you are in for a penny you are in for a pound. Do you let the project go poof because of lack of funds and then have this large construction site in a neighborhood and loose your public money - or finish the project so you have not "wasted" the $100 million?

And now for the best part. The State wants to cut back property taxes. This means the County is looking at a lower budget as a large portion of County funds come from property taxes. So now it gets good! The County is already in debt. There is the famous airport expansion which is up to a few billion dollars now. There is the proposed seaport tunnel which is needed for cargo operations. There are all the bonds issued for parks and other public projects that need to be paid off. Roads need to be maintained. Highways need to be expanded. Public transit is currently being improved. And so on. A LOT of projects.

At this point, Miami-Dade County can no longer afford to give public money to a PRIVATE BUSINESS so they can build a giant sandbox. Really. If The Marlins want a stadium, that is fine. This is America after all. They can do what any PRIVATE BUSINESS has to do when they want to expand. Find the money themselves. Players can vote to either cut their pay or loose their job because the team folds. They can move somewhere else that is stupid enough to fund their sandbox. They can sell stock in the team. They can charge the 10 fans that show up to the games more money for admission.

But asking the County for a lot of money at a time when there is a budget crisis due to the State proposed tax cuts is insane. There are more important things than men playing with balls after all.

So I say to all three of my Miami-Dade County readers - do you want a stadium or property tax cuts? Because if you support this disaster, you should demand that your house not be included in the tax cuts. In fact, you should request that your taxes go UP. Send that letter off to the Governor. Ill help you write it.

Dear Governor Crist,
I am a stupid moron who thinks that grown men playing with balls should be subsidized with public money so that the team owners can afford to pay them more in five years than I will make in my lifetime and still turn a profit on the team. Please do not lower my taxes one cent. I want my taxes raised 20% so all that money can go to the Florida Marlins and their new stadium.
Sofa King Stupid (or your own real name).

Miami-Dade County has reached its credit limit. All the credit cards are maxed out. And the work on existing projects is not over yet! Have you seen the Palmetto Expressway? It is a fucking disaster! What is more important to you - not being stuck in the endless construction zone on an "expressway" or watching men play with balls? You already know what my answer to that question is. And how about the mess on SW 97th AVE right by my house? I can no longer access my neighborhood from 97th ave because the third lane / improved drainage project there has all the side roads blocked off. I have to either use Miller Road or SW 48th ST or SW 92 AVE. Fix that fuster cluck before you spend money on a sandbox.

Oh yea, schools are also going to loose a chunk of money. So if you have kids in school and you want a new stadium - then tell the principal at your kid's school that you demand Alpo dog food be served at lunch, and classrooms be limited to one 40 watt florescent light. Because you know, the stadium is more important than seeing schools are properly funded. And if you do not have any kids (like me!) then tell your neighbor who has kids in public school that their kid's school deserves to loose funding because you think baseball is more important. See if you do not get your ass kicked.

And so on. The money already earmarked needs to be retracted and put back into the general budget. It is needed there more. The County has done just fine without a domed retractable roof baseball stadium for over 100 years. It does not need one now.


And in other news - it is time to RIP ON RICK SANCHEZ! My Miami area readers will know why this is so much fun, and so easy to do. We are all glad he is not here anymore. See he was a local TV news creature, but he left Miami to go work for MSNBC. And less than a year later he returns home. Guess he could not hack it there. But would his old employer hire him back? NOPE! So he makes the awful "Rick Sanchez Show" that aired on a daytime slot along with Dr. Phil and shit like that. The ratings were terrible, and the show was canceled. So he went to CNN and they gave him a job.

Anyway, while he was here he made some horrible karaoke. And guess what? I found a recording of it! So in the left sidebar you will see a photo of Rick Sanchez. Click it to hear the comedy bit that was a huge hit on a local radio show. The comedy bit that Rick has probably forgotten all about. I hope someone from CNN reads this and steals the bit then plays it in the office. That would so totally rule.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is more than I can comprehend at this time in my life. Would you like some advice on catching your love interest?

Blogger Daisy said...

Rick Sanchez, blech. I guess it could be worse... it could be Bill Kamal. Hahahahahaha!

Blogger TLP said...

OMG. I've seen Rick Sanchez on CNN, which my husband watches non-stop. He's bad enough just talking. That music track is HORRIBLE!

On the stadium stuff: I cannot for the life of me understand how tax money is spent on private stadiums. But it is, and it's done everywhere. And people do not protest it enough to stop it. Just NUTS.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Doozie - why not. Send me email. You are supposed to do that anyway. I will read it.

Daisy - I do not think we will be seeing anymore Bill Kamal. He is persona non grata at this point. Even by Channel 7 standards.

TLP - That is Rick singing. To his wife I think. Or maybe his girlfriend. And did you catch the ending? "I consider you to be a gift from God". WTF? What kind of macho caveman bullshit is that? So his wife is a gift and therefore property? You know my position on the stadiums.

Anonymous famousanonymous said...

Spy reports say that the officials still plan to spend the money fixing up the Orange Bowl. The idea is that they want to use the place for a giant party when Castro's death is not a rumor. After the party it will then cost even more money to tear it down because the cement used for repairs would not be dry yet. Also let's not forget the money made from contractor kick backs.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Foe someone who claims to loath Rick, you sure are up his ass, huh? You know alot about him. So lucky that CNN felt sorry for him and gave him a job. They are so nice over there, even putting him on on prime-time and on American Morning. Those folks are so cool! I am sure it has nothing to do with ratings right?

By the way, when he was in Miami, he was the anchor with the highest ratings. You sure do write alot about this guy. You must have a crush on him. Nice blog. How many regulars you have on now....7?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Famous - I just want to know who plans to go back when Castro is officially dead. He may be dead now. And will the "wet foot dry foot" policy change? I mean, with Castro dead there is no bad guy to run away from anymore. Will Cubans then be treated the same as Mexicans? Probably not. And nobody is leaving. The County needs to take back its Orange Bowl money and sell the land to a developer so that they can tear that crap down and build condos.

Anonymous - there is no accounting for taste in Miami. Look at the colors people paint their houses. Mango Mauve? Holy crap man! Channel 7 got the ratings not because of Rick, but due to the tabloid style of reporting they brought here. Channel 7 still gets high ratings even without Rick. His leaving seemed to have little impact. People in Miami seem to care more for flashy graphics and police chase videos than the news.

I know a lot about stuff because I was one of the few people born and raised here. Most people in Miami are from somewhere else. From another Country, or another city in the USA. I was here, and am still here. Observing things. Taking notes.

And I do not "loathe" Rick. I could really care less about him - as he could care less about me. In fact, I think most people on the TV are assholes. But Rick and Larry King are Miami assholes. So it kind of hits home.

Blogger Dusty said...

The Marlins will do what every other MLB and NFL team do..threaten to leave if the city, county or state doesn't pony up the bulk of the cash to build them a new playhouse.

Its bullshit but every team does it. The municipality puts it out there to the masses as 'we need them' and end up supplying most but not all of the money.

Its really a good ol fashioned pissing contest.

Wayne Huzinga(spelling wrong) did the same thing for decades then said fuck it and sold his team.

I refuse to watch/listen to the Rick Sanchez thang. I ain't from FL so I don't give a shit and I don't watch CNN.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Awww, Anonymous is such a brave little sweetheart.
I'm pretty sure the stadium thing will be approved. City governments usually enjoy watching grown men play with balls. The lowlifes living in the nearby houses will just have to tough it out--like always.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Dusty - the team has already threatened to leave. And I sent the team a letter stating I would be more than happy to supply each player a baloney sandwich for their trip out of here. I could also find people willing to pony up some one way Greyhound Bus tickets for the team. The team is really only asking for about 1/5 in public money. I say, where is my 1/5 to build a business for me? Fuck them and the horse they think they rode into town on. The stadium will be way over budget and the public will end up spending a lot more. We can simply not afford that shit anymore. The County is close to being broke.

CM - the holdout is actually the Shitty Of Miami. Dade County already approved the money. The Shitty of Miami is supposed to come up with $20 or $30 to close the deal. The city is broke and has not committed yet. Good for them.


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