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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Totally Safe

Today this post is 100% safe. There will be no in depth discussion about should it sink or float. I promise. Not even a little. And there will be no discussion of noises that one might make while at an important business meeting or interview or in church. Really.

And I swear - no talk about the hazards of football season. Do people go to the games to drink and act like idiots or watch a bunch of men play with balls? It is all very mysterious. And the lines can get very long.

Where do I find this stuff at?? Jeez. It is all very tasteless. Very tasteless indeed. Or so you think! You want tasteless? Well here you go! Now that is just terrible. Horrible. The worst. And on the same day CNN has this puff piece about Diana - I post this stuff. I must be terrible.

So maybe this will be better. Although this song link may need to be updated. I do not know. I do not really keep up with stuff like this. I just find the links and post them here. For better or worse. Usually worse. What show was this from? I Dream Of Genie? Sad. I wonder if the song is true? Very tasteless.

Now where was I? Oh yea, posting about comments from yesterday. Some left wing nutjob seemed to find it hard to believe that not even I know what I am doing. Well it is true! By the way, the last link is not to another comedy MP3 file less than 300k long so anyone can download it. If you can call all of those links "comedy bits". I would say some are just crude and should not be funny - but when I heard them on a local radio show while driving a delivery van around town I thought "I am going to hell for laughing at these bits".

This is how it works. Later today I have to go to this thing. Some sort of boat class that somehow I managed to get involved with, and even if I barely know an anchor from a spinnaker they let me help instruct the class. And not knowing an anchor from a spinnaker is bad because one is this large chunk of metal you throw overboard to hook into the bottom and keep the boat from moving, and the other is a sail designed to grab the wind that is blowing from 90 - 180 degrees off the bow. So one should know a chunk of metal from a sail. But the good part is that the people in the class are there because in theory they do not know either. So I just make stuff up and hope it floats.

There I go! I promised there would be no talk of what should sink or float. Depending on its density and composition.

Now in this class I have to do a recon mission. Using large amounts of skill and tact, I have to find out what my plans are for later this week. I have to discover a few things.

1. What some other people in the class have planned.
2. If they have anything more important to do than go somewhere and hang out.
3. If they do have plans, if they can ditch them to do something else.
4. what they want to do.
5. What day(s) they are free to go places and do stuff.

So until I know the answers to one or more if the above questions I do not know what the hell I am doing later this week. I may just sit around here and sulk and feel depressed and finish drinking the bottle of wine I opened up today. And open another. See I am running low on beer from Sanibel (seems like a long time ago) but I remembered I have like 6 or 8 bottles of wine. Hey - might as well drink that stuff. I have only had it for a year or more depending on the bottle. It is just going to go bad.

Or I might go someplace. Get some food. Are there any good movies playing? Probably not. But I know some places to go where I can just walk around and there are a lot of cool places all over. Or splash the boat and enjoy Biscayne Bay because it will be empty because school is in session and people will be at work. Or whatever.

So there. I do not know what I will be doing. There is no way to be able to tell what I will be doing. I have to wait till later today. I know what I would like to do - but I do not know what I will end up doing. But this kind of thing happens fairly often. One would think that by now I would be used to it.

One more thing. Remember Joycelyn Elders? You know, the Surgeon General from 1993 - 1994? Ah the good old days, when THIS was all we had to worry about.

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6 Comments:

Blogger cathouse teri said...

Don't like the triple D's? Well not many do! Actually, everyone has different tastes. I think a man who wants a woman who has ONE certain type of body or hair color or size, etc, is sexually immature. A man who has experienced many types of women and has discovered that there is quite a variety that is desirable has developed as he should.

12:08  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Teri - Who can tell what color hair a woman has? And nobody has control over how tall or short they are. To a large degree, the same holds true for body type. So all these things are not held against anyone.

16:30  
Blogger Dusty said...

Lazy..interesting yet rambling post..your never dull however! :P

I hope you get to take your boat out..I am so jealous of your proximity to the water I could scream!

I have, up until the last 4 years, lived on the coast..and I miss it terribly. Now, to see the coast, I have to drive two fucking hours..bah!

21:44  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

I'm commenting here because I've been busy...but I did read it. A see it. And listen to it.

21:44  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

So what did you think of the bits? I think only two were in horrible taste.

22:38  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I guess I'm unamerican, but I can't give a rat's patoot about football. I find it hard to even find the time or energy to watch hockey anymore, and that's a sport I actually enjoy. Grown men (or women) smacking a rubber disc around with sticks and sometimes beating the crap out of each other. Now that's a sport!
I have the build to be a hockey player--the kind of body that could easily be used to check the living hell out of somebody, leaving them as paste on the rink wall. Unfortunately I lack the skills and my back gave out a few years ago. But I can dream!

02:53  

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