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Friday, August 31, 2007

The Story Will Just Not Die

Taking up where I left off yesterday, this Larry Craig thing will just not die! Now the news channels are playing the police interview with the guy. Do we really need to hear details of exactly how this guy takes a dump? I do not think so. And what the hell kind of crap is the "bust" all about? Shoes touching? That is it? I did not want to listen to the whole tape because frankly it is boring. Who cares. Not me.

Now I may have posted here how much I hate using public cans. I would much rather just use a tree. The tree is cleaner and the woods do not stink. Now I want to use the tree even more!

The cops are trolling the bathrooms? Is this really such a huge problem? Are bathrooms really a great place to pick up a date? All this is very distressing. I would think that with all this internet stuff and Craigslist personals, nobody would have to troll the bathrooms anymore looking for something.

And what if I go in to a public toilet to drop a duce in the brownie bowl? I guess I should keep my feet planted in front of the toilet! Which is what I was doing anyway. You see, personal space is very important. I keep all my stuff well away from my stall walls, and you keep your stuff in your stall. Never should anything touch anything else. Ever. Not even to pass the important papers from one stall to the other. I check BEFORE I go in if there is a supply of the important papers in there. If I am going to need them that is. If not, then I pick another stall. Or I use the woods and a leaf or something. Or I get some of the hand drying off paper towel things from the sink area. Self sufficiency is the name of the game in the men's room. Never should one ask for any sort of assistance or help.

IMPORTANT DETAIL! Learn how to identify poison ivy. NEVER use poison ivy to wipe with if you use the woods. You will be very sorry if you do.

And you also never try to talk to anyone else in the room.

But really what I want to post about today is how there is no real news in the USA anymore. This Larry Craig thing is not news! His interview tape is not news. His press conference is not news. Nobody gives a shit. Or at least I do not give a shit. This is something that belongs on some lame daytime TV show ala Jerry Springer or Oprah. Not "the news". The news is SUPPOSED TO BE informative and relevant. But what we have is bullshit about unimportant crap that nobody really cares about.

The "news" has become an all day, never ending, gossip show. And the public is buying it up! No wonder the nation is getting dumber and dumber (and wider and wider). People are watching this crap and THINK it is news! Well it is not.

I need to hold up a Brinks truck and get a few billion dollars so I can buy my own news network. I will install an electric zapping device on all the chairs used by people on the air. Whenever they cover non-news - ZAP! 50,000 volts at low amps to the ass. What counts as non-news? Whatever I say counts as non-news. It would be funny to watch my news network!

Is there not a WAR going on right now? Could have fooled me - because if I turn on CNN or Fox or whatever right now all I will hear are details about who did what in the bathroom. Is there nothing more important going on? I guess not.



Blogger TLP said...

Amen brother. I am so sick of this stuff on Craig. And yes, why are the cops trying to catch guys who troll for adult guys in the men's room? Nothing else needs their attention more than that?????

Craig is a liar and a hypocrite. End of story.

I did hear the tape on his arrest. Saturday Nite Live could use that tape as is. No changes needed. The cop sounds as dumb as Craig.

Blogger actonbell said...

As Oscar Wilde said, "Men who moralize are usually hippocrotes..." how true.

Heh, the Waitresses! I forgot about them. Yeah, that'd be good.

IF Larry Craig were some unknown guy, it might be viewed as discrimination for the cops to be trolling certain restrooms.

Craig deserves this, though. I do not feel sorry for him in the least. He tried to use his power against a group of people who only want equal rights, and are not afraid of declaring themselves.

Have you seen Train Spotting? Your remarks about public cans reminded me of a gross but hilarious segment of that movie.

Anonymous krok9 said...

The Lazy,

Once I went to this woman's birthday party and she was showing me around her house and yada yada yada we had sex on the bathroom counter and then joined the party again like nothing happened. I never saw her again. It was weird and I would like to do it again but not with Craig.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

TLP - there has to be something else more important going on. I could not get past 30 seconds of the tape. I do not want to know about who is playing footsie with cops in the tea room.

Actionbell - You said it! Or Oscar Wilde said it. At least someone said it. Craig probably does deserve all this. Mr. "vote against the homos whenever possible" turns out to be a closet case himself. What were the odds of that? OH 99%? I did see Train Spotting. I know that scene you are talking about. GROSS!

Krok - Leave it to you.

Blogger The Devils Scribe said...

I was thinking about this last night in the shower. Gay people have awesome freak sex in bathrooms. But what if you arent gay? Where do girls go to get the freak sex? It doesnt seem fair and Im not willing to switch teams.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Scribe - I never thought of it that way. It also seems like picking up chicks is a lot harder than tapping the secret foot code in the men's room.

Blogger Fuzz said...

You might like the book, "How the News Makes Us Dumb".

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuzz - I could probably write a chapter for that book.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I think the cops busted George Michael trolling for sex in a men's bathroom too. Does this mean that George Michael is going to go into politics?
Personally, the bathroom seems like a really disgusting place to have sex.
When I used to have time and money I would sometimes go to this gay bar (gay guys bar) with friends. Because most of the patrons were male, there were men using both the men's and women's bathrooms. I wasn't worried about there being men in the women's bathroom at that place. I was worried about my seat touching the toilet seat! That bathroom was vile! I don't think any of the guys were having sex in there, believe it or not. Some places are just too gross.


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