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Thursday, October 25, 2007

Project X

So what is Project X? Can't tell you. You would have to apply for security clearance. And by "apply for security clearance" I mean "send me $100 cash". Cause that is how I roll. I do not need your fingerprints, your social security number, your drivers license number, your photograph, or any of that stuff.

If my good buddy Ben Franklin will vouch for you - then you are good to go in my book.

By the way, speaking of my good friend Ben Franklin - did you know he was a nudist? Yup. That is right. Franklin was so sure that fresh air was important for good health that he took a daily “air bath”. He wrote to the French physician, Jacques Barbeu-Dubourg, describing it thus: “I rise early almost every morning and sit in my chamber, without any clothes whatever, half an hour or an hour, according to the season, either reading or writing.”

He would also hang out near the window - so as to get the full health benefits of the fresh air. While bare ass naked.

How about that for a mental picture? This guy, taking an "air bath". While standing by the open window, just hanging out all over the place.

Now if I lived back then, I would have beat the artist who painted that picture with a stick. I mean, if I were going to pay an artist to make a portrait of me, I would say "dude - remove about 100 pounds from that painting or I shall kick you in the nut sack".

Would you pay for a painting of yourself that made you look THAT FAT?

But anyway - back to that mental image! Maybe there was something to the air bath thing. He did live to age 84 - back in an age when making it to 50 meant you were an old fart.

Anyhow - Project X. What is it. I am secretly working for the US Navy on a plan to make a warship invisible to submarines. Using Einstein's Unified Field Theory it is possible to bend light, and therefore make a large ship invisible.

OH WAIT! That is not Project X. That is the Philadelphia Experiment. Never mind. I just made that all up. I blame the electromagnetic fog I was exposed to during the experiment.

Project X is actually a catch all massive multi-front project. This way if one part leaks out, the public thinks they know everything. HA! But you don't! You only know of Project X Section A Sub-Section D. See how that works?

One part of Project X involves a whole new Iguana Music playlist. It is going along - slowly. Finding complete works is proving to be an issue.

Another part of Project X involves this weekend, and possibly the boat.

The rest is classified. You will have to get my good buddy Ben Franklin to vouch for you.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Dusty said...

Damn, I didn't know that stuff about Ol' Ben F. Wotta friggin trip!

Your a wealth of knowledge my dear sweet Lazy.

Thanks for the mental image first thing in the morn..jeez!

11:39  
Blogger TLP said...

Got this from Google. Forgot to make a note of who wrote it. I'm nasty that way:

" Benjamin Franklin was born on January 17, 1706 in the Puritan town of Boston. Unfortunately for his parents, January 17th was a Sunday and back then it was believed that a child was born on the same day of the week that it had been conceived. This would have meant that his parents had engaged in marital relations on some Sabbath day nine months previous, which was considered a sin by the staunch and strictly religious Puritans. Franklin's father rushed him, only a few hours old, out into the cold to be baptized at a local church. He told everyone Benjamin had been born two days earlier to avoid shame."

17:04  
Blogger M@ said...

Guys back then totally needed a fucking clue about ads. I don't know how they even procreated.

20:46  
Blogger M@ said...

abs

20:46  
Blogger AP3 said...

Good luck with Project X, and godspeed.

Ben Franklin was a strange dude. He said, "Fart proudly!" I like that.

I would insist that my portrait painter made me look 50 lbs lighter.

20:48  
Blogger Ba Doozer said...

I'll apply for security clearance...how's about I give you a knuckle sandwich???? HAND IT OVER

22:56  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Dusty - I learned about the "air bath" from a trivia game.

TLP - so who spilled the beans? How did we find out Ben F. was born on a Sunday? His parents probably did do it on a Sunday. Forbidden sinful sex is always the best kind.

M@ - I think Franklin was rich. That might have had something to do with it.

AP3 - The many facets of Project X are going along. Sort of. As long as the most important aspects pan out, I do not really give a shit about the other parts.

Doozie - there you go again. Assuming I am not in to the kinky rough stuff. I might like getting smacked around a little bit. Not too much. The safety word is "pineapple".

23:51  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Ben Franklin was a wild man! That's what I like about him.I'm cool with the fact that he liked to let it all hang out for his health but I'm glad they didn't put him on the $100 bill in his birthday suit.

13:54  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

If I ever had to get a portrait made, I would use the Joan Rivers method. A real tight corset that lifts all the jelly in the belly up to the chest. Then it would look like I have a really enormous rack and I would be remembered throughout the centuries as a real stacked babe.

14:01  

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