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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Pre Thanksgiving Post

Welcome to my annual (not really - I think this is the first in the series) Pre-Thanksgiving post.

This year I am thankful for Publix. The deli is going to prepare the food this year. My parents had to bail out to Arizona and they just got back today. So nobody has shopped for anything.

So I said "Don't worry - Ill handle dinner this year". I have a turkey fry kit and a smoker grill and crap, so I could cook a turkey. And really - it is not that hard to bake one. You stick it in the oven, set the temperature, set the timer, then plop down in a chair on the porch and drink beer. Really hard there.

But what the crap. For $40 Publix will cook a 9 - 12 pound turkey, hook me up with some dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, and whatever else I get for $40. What a deal huh?

All I have to do is remember to make it by the Public before it closes and pick up the food. And while I am there I might be out of beer so I will need more of that.

You all may remember Special Ed, the stocking manager at Publix. Well he must read my blog - but he never comments because....well he is special. Anyway I think he reads this blog because there is a bountiful supply of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale in the beer isle. Good job Special Ed! You get a gold star for this week. You can stick it on your helmet.

So I got a few things going on that are good. I got the food hookup, and there is plenty of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale at the store. That is a start.

But there are some other things that SHOULD be done - and they are not. This is not really that good. It seems that Special Ed's friend, Special Eddie, was put in charge of something somewhere. Can't really say much more than this - but those on the inside will instantly understand from the photo to the left. It is almost like the photo above - but there are some very important and significant differences. If you get it you get it, if you don't then you don't. Cant do much more than that. Special Eddie does not get a gold star for his helmet.

Oh yea - this is important. I UPDATED THE IGUANA MUSIC! Got it? Good. Cause I did. I updated the Iguana Music and this is a good thing if you like Devo, Aerosmith, Jacks Mannequin, Alanis, early Pink Floyd (with Syd Barrett), and.....TOTO! If you do not like any of the stuff I just listed - then you will not care. In fact, you may be less likely to check out the Iguana Music.

What the hell is Toto doing on the list???? I do not even know. Must be magic. Evil dark magic. I must have lost my tail - evolving up from little snails. I say its all just wind in sails. Are we not men? We are Devo! Are we not men? D E V O.

I am a pinhead now.

If you don't get it - you really need to queue up some Iguana Music and keep listening till you do.

And lastly, I have not informed anyone that I so plan to bail out on the family Thanksgiving dinner. I have alternate plans. Other places to go. Other things to do. I have a plan for the bail out however. Dinner with the family will be early because old people have to eat while the sun is still up. So I will have a light - very light - lunch with the family. And then bail out. While nobody is looking. I keep a life size full color cardboard cutout of myself in the truck for just these types of occasions. Nobody will notice.

I got invited to another dinner somewhere else. At a more reasonable time. And by "more reasonable" I mean not lunch time. All home cooked, and not from the Publix deli. Oh yea, I almost forgot the most important thing here - chicks will be at the other dinner somewhere else. I may have forgot to mention that.

Ill make more moves than Allied Van Lines. If you do not get that, you need to listen to "I Want To Be A Lifeguard". It is the first song in the Iguana Music list. I just like using lines from Blotto songs every now and then.

No really I won't. Cause that is not how I roll. I learned long ago that making a total ass out of yourself is not very helpful. I will not be like Allied Van Lines at all. I will not make an ass out of myself - even if that is my specialty.

The timing is perfect. It is Shark Valley weather again. Nice and cool. Shark Valley is a cool bike ride. Only 15 miles - so not that long. Taking it easy, anyone can ride it in 2 - 3 hours. My lazy ass has done the entire loop in about 1 hour riding time - but I did stop to check out the overlook. And then there is the main part of Everglades National Park - with a lot more areas for bike riding and even some cool kayak trails. With extra alligators. And maybe even crocodiles!

Labels:

16 Comments:

Blogger M@ said...

Mmmmmm, beer.

08:58  
Blogger TLP said...

Hey! I AM listening to your Iguana Music! So zip it.

Invited to a chick's for t-day? Ooooooohhhh, interesting!

09:22  
Blogger tsduff said...

Your blog is pretty funny. I like the idea of a cardboard cutout... hmmm, must try that.

Happy Hunting oh, I meant Happy Thankgsiving at the chicks house.

14:05  
Anonymous krok76 said...

The Lazy,

When I'm with a woman that I don't know that well and want to have sex this is what I do. I ask her to show me around the house and when she shoes me the bathroom I shut the door and bang her next to the sink. I hope she doesn't have a pedestal sink, that gets tricky.

17:02  
Blogger actonbell said...

Have a great Thanksgiving! Glad to hear that you're awash in Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. I just noticed that our local distributor has S N Celebration Ale--ever had that? It's about $32 a case. Someday, we'll have the 6pack selection you do *sigh*

19:13  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

M@ - It really is not that good. There will be ICE WINE there!

TLP - the Iguana Music rules. Thanksgiving day will be OK. There will be good food and home baked pies and all manners of good stuff.

tsduff - I have excellent ideas. The life size full color cardboard cutout of me is just the tip of the iceberg.

Krok - I think I will not try to do that. That may qualify as "making an ass out of myself". Actually - I am fairly sure it would qualify as making an ass out of myself. Also I may get shot. Everyone here packs heat. There will be good food and ice wine there. What more do I need? Nothing. Thats what else.

19:14  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Actionbell - Buy that Celebration Ale! Is the case 24 beers? If so, that is not a bad price. One of these days you need to set up a paypal account so I can send you money so we can go in 50/50 for some cases of beer. Like the Celebration Ale. We may have 6 packs, but we do not have the selection you have.

19:16  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

Make sure not to burn down your house by overfilling the oil. You wouldn't want to have to live on your boa...oh, what am I saying..this is you we are talking about.

Mr. Coffee is very spoiled. He says I'm a good cook. I've never deep fried a turkey but I've had one that was SO good.

I noticed you have Coffee by Brak on your player. Space Ghost cracks me UP!!!

00:30  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Emma - did you know that Adult Swim had "The Brak Show"? They bought the rights to Space Ghost and a bunch of other stuff and just went wild creating "new" shows. Using a lot of the original animation. Great stuff.

01:13  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Toto is on the list for the same reason that people like me have been allowed to exist: people who can listen to Abba AND Scandinavian death metal--on the same day, and likely in the same mix. Because that's just how twisted the Universe is!
Personally, I like the Publix solution to Thanksgiving. It's cheaper than what I've gone through to feed three people! Sheesh! I really feel like listening to some Death Metal after that realization!

01:43  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - Toto is included because I happen to like the Africa song. It is all mellow and stuff. And Kilimanjaro does rise like Olympus above the Serengeti. I hope to see that one day. Probably not going to happen however.

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