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Monday, November 26, 2007

On Animals And Ass Wiping

So I was thinking. What animal would NOT be a good marketing device to use for the purposes of pitching ass wiping paper. And I came up with the porcupine. I do not think I would by therapeutic paper if it used a porcupine as a logo.

But someone would. People will buy just about anything. Now I know that many people are on a tight budget. But there are some things that one should just not cheap out on. Toilet paper is one of those things.

Skipper has a big week ahead. He does not know this, but he is going to lose some weight this week. Not much weight, just an ounce or two.

Or to be more precise - he is going to lose an amount of weight equal to the weight of two cat testicles.

If this is not done, he will be spraying things very soon. He also runs into the back yard sometimes. If he is not fixed he will start getting into fights and stuff. Skipper is not a very big cat - he will get his ass kicked. The cost of patching Skipper up after he gets his cat ass kicked is far greater than the cost of his weight loss operation.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I had to get Isis patched up once after a fight. I'm actually surprised I haven't had to do it more. She weighs maybe 7 pounds tops. She's one scrappy little animal!

05:33  
Blogger M@ said...

This reminds me of the Chastity Bear schools use to promote sexual abstinence.

10:43  
Anonymous Karen said...

We have been responsible for probably a pound of cat testicles and a couple pounds of kitten-making-momma-parts. Cats without sexual issues are cats that are much easier to live with. Once they forgive you and quit peeing on your leg at night when you're asleep.

12:22  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

So you are mutilating your cat now?

I guess it's worth it...kinda like declawing over leather couches.

I just tested my blog again and I'm at College (pre-grad) level of reading. That thing is rigged.

17:31  
Blogger Fuzz said...

One of our daughters had her cat "fixed" and he still pissed her (and her house) off.

18:23  
Anonymous krok7 said...

I wish I could get rid of my testicles too, as i've gotten older they hang so low that it's hard for me to wear pants with a crotch. How much do they charge?

18:29  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - I once had to adopt a stray cat because he kept beating up my fixed girl cats. If the girl cats would just have put out, then the tom cat would not have had to beat them up.

M@ - Chastity bear? I must have blocked that memory out.

Karen - This is true. I fix all the animals that end up living here. In theory, if you fix cats then you "help control the pet population". Yet no matter what - the pet population here keeps growing.

Emma - Bob Barker told me to do it.

Fuzz - All the cats here EXCEPT Skipper are fixed. To be fair to the other cats, it has to be done.

Krok - the vet does it for cheap. If you want, you can even come to Miami next time you are in Tampa and the County will do it for almost free. Just go to the mobile low cost spay and neuter clinic early in the morning.

20:12  
Blogger Avery Gray said...

Hey, it's nothing. I just had my husband done, and beside the big plastic cone on his head to keep him from licking himself, he was fine. Good luck to you and your cat!

00:37  
Blogger actonbell said...

Good luck with Skipper. I agree, it needs to be done.

Cute porcupine! And you've inspired a post...

19:02  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Avery - I think the same happens to most married men.

Action - I did? I hope you did not try to wipe with a porcupine! Cause that would hurt.

01:51  
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02:47  

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