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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

There Was This Crazy Person Who Lived In A Zoo

Who says you have to be rich to live in a zoo? Anyone can have their own private zoo. Just leave food outside. Really, that is all you have to do. Leave food outside. In no time you will have a zoo.

So what do I have at my zoo? Glad you asked. I just happen to have a new waterproof camera.

This is Gigi. She is the oldest cat. When I got her, she was a sick little kitten who was also wild. She had goopy cat eye disease, so every morning I had to open up her eyes (they would get glued shut overnight from the eye goop) and as soon as she could see me......she would start hissing. Then I would have to give her eye medicine and ear mite medicine and probably other stuff. She is nicer now. Sort of. She will jump up on you when she feels like IF you are sitting in the right chair - but if you touch her too much then she gets pissed off and attacks your hand. Gigi hates all the other cats.

The next oldest cat is Sake.

Sake was rescued from a box of kittens in front of the supermarket. Someone was there giving them away. She is the only cat known to be born to a house cat. She was not wild. But she acts wild. In this photo she is eating. You can not touch the cat or her food while she is eating, or else she growls and smacks you with her paw. She likes to growl and hiss and generally act like a bitch, but she never bites. Sake hardly ever wants to hang out with anyone. You pet her and she gets mad. You pick her up and she gets mad. Try to hold her and all she does is growl. Only when she is in a rare mood will she allow human contact. The glowing eyes are how they really look. It was not caused by the camera flash.

Next up is Fred!

Fred has a slight weight problem. But what does he care? He has no testicles. Therefore he has no desire to impress any girl cats. So why not be fat? I am surprised he has not lost all his fur or developed a bald spot. Fred will bite the shit out of you if you piss him off. And how do you piss off Fred? Hold him against his will. Or you can rub his belly. You can also try to move him when he is comfortable and/or sleeping. Fred likes to sleep with people, so he is known to want to hang out with me at night. But once he is where he wants to be - I am not allowed to move. If Skipper is already hanging out with me Fred will jump up, see Skipper, hiss and growl and get into a squabble - then jump down and go somewhere else.

After Fred came Cleo.

Cleo was semi-wild when I found her. I was looking for another cat that just vanished without a trace, but what I found was Cleo. She was a sick little kitten. She had liquid poop disease. Some sort of allergy or something. I had to give her these little pink pills and after a while the liquid poop just went away. Now she is OK. She is very nice when she wants to be. If I pick her up she does not like it. But she will jump up to hang out with me - if there are no other cats nearby. Skipper loves to chase her around the place, but Cleo does not like it very much.

Skipper is the youngest cat. He was in yesterdays post.

But that is not all! Oh hell no.

This is Max The Lizard. Max is a Savanna Monitor. He likes to eat rats. He will also eat eggs, canned cat food, canned tuna, and pretty much anything made from animal protein that I put in his cage. Max never bites me, but he does puff up and hiss and he tries to whip me with his tail sometimes. I can put Max on a lizard leash - but really he does not care for that too much.

There are also some fish which are currently un-photographed.



Blogger Daisy said...

You have a very wonderful menagerie of cats. I think each one seems very special in his or her own way. I am a biter, too.

Um, I am a little scairt of Max. He is much, much bigger than the lizards I usually chase.

Blogger Yippeeskip said...

Um, what are you, the pied piper of cats?

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

For the most part, it appears that you are running a cathouse.

Anonymous The Amazon Woman said...

Darn it!! Ed used up my line.

I was going to say, this cathouse is the very reason you cannot find good dates. (at least none that are blog worthy)

Your lizard is very cool. My sons name is the same as your lizard. Weird.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Daisy - it seems all I do is clean up cat poop and distribute cat food.

Yippee - Not all of them are really my cats. Only Skipper and Cleo are mine.

Ed - This situation was not planned. It just sort of happened.

Amazon - there are other reasons too. I need to obtain a better job (or get my old one back) so that I can live like a real person again.

Blogger Dusty said...

Very nice post Lazy. I have twice as many house cats as you do and all but one were sick feral kittens when they came to live with us.

I heart you more than I can say for taking the sick little creatures in. You are now a GOD in my book ;)

oh yeah..I also have an orange tabby named Fred! trippy no?

Blogger Avery Gray said...

I'm sensing a pattern here. Is there a reason you surround yourself with creatures that don't like to be touched? Or did it just work out that way?

I think you must have a pretty big heart if you feel compelled to rescue these poor animals and care for them. You should have no problem with the female human kind.

BTW, the gift card is on its way!

Blogger actonbell said...

I agree, you're a better man than I am for taking in all those cats. I have enough trouble with one.

Skipper is beautiful! And I mean that in the manliest possible way.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Dusty - you have 10 cats? That is a lot of poop to clean up. Fred is a good name for an orange cat. When I got Fred he was a stray kitten covered in grease from a car engine. He was loose in the supermarket parking lot - the same supermarket Sake came from. But Sake was from a box with someone sitting by it holding a sign that said "free kittens". I had to put Fred in the toolbox of the truck then go back inside the store to buy some Dawn dish soap (it cuts the grease). I gave him a bath and put up "found cat" signs. Nobody ever called. I think he was a pet, or maybe a kitten that could not be given away because he had a collar made of fishing string, beads, and a clasp that looks like a kid made it. He was also not fat. I call him "Fat Ass Fred", or sometimes just "Fatso".

Avery - some cats like to be petted and handled, some don't. The batch of cats I had before these cats were all nicer. I had an orange female cat that would hang out with me all the time. For hours on end. Skipper comes the closest to this, but only if I am in bed. Fred will jump up to see me if I am in the recliner or the bed - but only if Skipper is not around. Of the girl cats, Gigi will jump up on you only if you are in the recliner, Cleo will hang out at the foot of my bed, and Sake is generally a bitch who only wants you to feed her, scoop the box, and open the doors to let her in and out.

Anonymous krok74 said...

The Lazy,

I bet you smell like lizard poop. Have you ever asked a friend for an honest opinion of how you smell?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Krok - I just showered with Axe Shower Gel - "Snake Peel". It is yellow in color and has manly desert minerals in it. It has TITANIUM in it. Can't get more manly than that.

Blogger AP3 said...

That's quite a petting zoo you have there!

Max looks like he's smiling. Strange lookin' kitty, though.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sake should be named "satan". there's a wild look about that cat.

I'm not sure about guys with 5 cats and a lizard. I'll need to consult the manual on this

Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

They're all so adorable! Except for the lizard guy. Are they all in the house?

One of my cats is in my lap right now, lying across my arms like a baby while I try to type. He really thinks he is a baby.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

AP3 - the cats are all afraid of Max.

Doozie - The current living situation is whack. When it improves I will probably be down to two cats - Skipper and Cleo. The other three will continue to live here with people who like them. I may or may not also take Fred. But Sake does not like me and Gigi is happier living where there are the least number of cats possible.

Scarlet - Max is easy. He never gives me any trouble. He eats once a week, makes no noise, never stinks, and I never have to clean up Max poop. Skipper is supposed to stay in the house till he gets fixed. The other cats do go outside. They hang out in the yard, but sometimes venture into the neighbors yards. With 5 cats you have to let them out. If they go out and shit, then there is less box scooping required.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

The hairless cat in the bottom picture is really cool!
Only kidding. They're all great. People who aren't "cat people" don't get it. I've never been without at least one of the furry nuisances in my life.

Blogger Kristen said...

Hurrah for cat people. I have a new friend up in Newington (that's Canadian for "middle of nowhere") who's got two cats and two dogs. The cats are awesome. One is an orange and white tabby like Fred (but smaller) and the other is all-black. The black one is a Persian, but she's got short hair - so her face is all smooshed up, but she doesn't look as snotty.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - The first cat I remember was Tar Baby. He was all black. My parents had Tar before I was born. I can remember playing with Tar by pulling his tail when he would get on the chairs and let his tail down. I also remember playing "drop Tar in the toilet to see what happens". Tar never bit or scratched me. Amazingly enough. After Tar died we were cat less until I found Princess one night. I was in first or second grade. Princess lived for 20 years, and probably got put in the toilet more than once. And thrown into the pool. Since then, there have always been cats around.

Kristen - All cats are smaller than Fat Fred. Fat Fred is large. And fat. He is big boned AND fat. Both at the same time.


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