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Sunday, December 09, 2007

What Is Larger Than The Moon?

It seems I promised Scarlet a link. Well I lied. I was going to post a link, and then I found this.

This is even better than a link! Had I just posted a link, you would have to click it and then a window would pop up and you would have to download some MP3 file and then it would play. But this way the link is embedded in the post! Much better.

The You tube thing was inspired by something about the empiricist camp VS the rationalist camp. Rene Descartes was mentioned, and so of course I instantly thought of the Monty Python Drunk Philosopher Song. Rene Descartes was a drunken fart "I drink; therefore I am".

This is how my brain works. I can take anything and reduce it to a silly song and/or some other kind of tom foolery.

Like this little snippet of tom foolery. Did I ever mention I hate that "who wants to be a millionaire" show? Well I just mentioned it if I forgot to do so before. I can not stand idiots. What makes it even worse is when you have to hear some idiot's thought process. You know that they are a friggin moron. You know they do not know their ass from a hole in the ground. Yet, you are forced to listen to them reason shit out and no matter how much you yell at the TV it does no good. They just keep digging that hole.
Yes, elephants are larger than the moon. Seriously I hope this moron left the show with nothing. But she probably made it to the $250,000 question and left with at least that much. America likes idiots. Some people, mostly my mom, keeps saying "but don't you feel sorry for them?".

HELL NO. No way. If you are an idiot and you are dumb enough to think you are smart and get on a TV quiz show and you think elephants are larger than the moon - you deserve whatever you get. As long as that is not $250,000. You deserve pain and humiliation. You deserve years of ridicule. You deserve to be forced to sit through 2nd grade again, because clearly you were smoking pot the first time around.

You know who I feel sorry for? ME! Thats who. Am I on that show? Hell no. The "fastest thumb" questions are usually something retarded, like "which order did celebrities enter the Academy Awards Show?" or something stupid and unimportant.

I SHIT ON THE ACADEMY AWARDS. There. I said it. I shit on the Academy Awards. I do not care who wins, or how many times someone wins. Not in the slightest.

But if I ever did get on a quiz show, they would ask me some sports / celebrity question that I would not know the answer to. The ironic thing is that the average idiot would know these things.

This is why America is doomed - people know who is currently married to who, but nobody knows how many tentacles a squid has (10 by the way). But if you ask me, a squid is far more important than any movie star. I would much rather see a live giant squid than spend a day with ANY celebrity. And you know why? Because the giant squid will not say something stupid that pisses me off. Like "yes I care about the starving people in Africa" while eating a $5,000 dinner flown in from London or "we should all do our part to stop using so much" while making fun of people who fly commercial because that is for poor people who are not important. Or better yet, sporting around in yachts that get 10 gallons per mile. Giant squids would never do any of those things.

And what would I do if I won a million bucks on one of these shows? Probably something stupid. Like getting a larger boat. Something with a cuddy cabin, diesel engines, a generator, and what the hell AC for the cabin. It would have a decent size fresh water tank for showering and a water heater because cold showers suck and so on. And with diesel at the marina approaching $4 a gallon - I would need that million bucks.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

Thanks for that "link," Lazy Ig. "I drink; therefore, I am." I will remember that one. Wait, I'd better write that down....

NO WAY she said "elephants"! NO! WAY!

Did you Photo Shop that in? That's worse than Indians getting smallpox from British blankets because they refused to get their mandatory vaccinations.

09:13  
Blogger actonbell said...

1. What a coincidence, I just looked up those Monty Python lyrics in response to something else

2. Elephants! That's funny. Reminds me of Terry Pratchett's Discworld Series, scifi/fantasy: the world is flat and supported by four large pachyderms, which are in turn supported by a huge turtle...

3. Fame does strange things to people. A squid, though?

4. Congrats on finding your wallet!

13:49  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Scarlet - it is a great line. Descartes probably said it originally, but changed it to "think" later during the editing. I do not know if the lady really said "elephants". I do not have a copy of photoshop, all my photo editing has to be done with Paint.

Actionbell - the Drunk Philosophers Song is always useful to know the lyrics to. It is actually a good drinking song. I would rather see a live giant squid than a famous person. I could sell a photo of a real live giant squid for a lot of cash. EVERYONE has seen photos of celebrities, but a live giant squid has never been seen - except for a few grainy frames of video. A full color high resolution photo of a live giant squid would be much more useful to me and the planet than a photo of some asshole that has been in some movies.

19:40  
Blogger Doozie said...

can I get you an adult diaper?

20:32  
Blogger AP3 said...

I can't stand "Millionaire" either. "Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader" is equally depressing. 'Cause you know what? I am.

20:53  
Anonymous krok50 said...

I'm smart enough to know I'm too dumb to go on a show that requires smarts, I guess I just have good common sense.

21:59  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Doozie - YES! I need some NASA Space Diapers. They would come in handy for long road trips, or heavy beer drinking.

AP3 - I can not stand the millionaire show. The pace is way too slow. You either know the answer or you don't! I do not want to hear anyone's thought process. They would never let me on the 5th grader show because I would win the million bucks.

Krok9,854,921 - You could win at least $25,000.

00:14  
Blogger Avery Gray said...

I'd choke under the pressure. I had a job interview once where they asked me some math questions (it was a technical job, so it was expected). I scored 730 out of 800 on the math portion of my SAT's. I'm not an idiot when it comes to the numbers. But because I was nervous, I had to check my work when they asked me what was smaller--three-eighths or one-half. I would normally be able to tell you in my sleep, but not that day. No, that day I had to write it down.

I'm not good under pressure. I did get an offer for the job, though.

13:45  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Avery - When someone asks me about fractions I think about beer. Would I rather have 1/2 a pint, or 3/8 of a pint? Then the answer is clear - give me the 1/2 pint. Or I can think of the boss. Does he/she/it have 1/2 a brain or 3/8 a brain? Clearly - the answer is 3/8.

13:59  
Blogger Lavender said...

you make me laugh! :p

07:29  

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