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Saturday, January 05, 2008

Ranger Lazy

Guess what I learned? There are emulators that run in Windows Mobile systems. What does this mean??

It means that my phone is now also a GAME BOY / GAME BOY ADVANCE. And a Sega Master System. And a classic Nintendo (NES). And it is also a 80206 DOS machine (so I can play Ultima III - the best RPG game of all time, but I may get the emulator that makes it run like a classic IBM-PC Jr 8086 / 8088 based system). I can also make it a Coleco Vision machine, an Intellivision System, and an Atari 2600. Or hell, why not a Commodore 64/128? OK! Done.

TAKE THAT I-PHONE PEOPLE!!!!!! Admit it, I have a better phone. It is OK to admit that the I-Phone you overpaid for is inferior to my Pocket PC. Nobody has to know your shame. Nobody has to know how much you want to play classic DOS games on your phone but you can't. Nobody has to know that you envy the hell out of me playing The Lost Vikings GBA version on my phone, while you sit there with something else in your pocket. See what you get for going with style over substance?

This also pretty much seals the deal that I will get fired from many jobs for playing games at work. Or at least forget to do stuff, like that report that was due three days ago.

Speaking of jobs, I applied for RECREATION SPECIALIST 1 with the Parks and Rec department. Requirements include a 4 year degree in naturalism / botany / environmental science / stuff like that OR any 4 year degree and two years teaching experience. CHECK! I got the degree in anything and the teaching stuff down. I envision what this job calls for, and I am happy with my fantasy. I picture myself in a snazzy park officer uniform and a "Smokey The Bear" style park ranger hat, conducting kayak tours. HEY PARKS PEOPLE! I already have my own kayak. See how super qualified I am? I can bring my own paddle boat. I can also get my USCG captain's license and drive the glass bottom boat - if you cheap bastards wonderful managers ever get one. Jest tell me the license you want. Six Pack license? 100 ton masters license? Whatever. Not a problem.

I also see myself running a line from my kayak to another kayak paddled by someone else. This way I can concentrate on my guide duties while someone else paddles. Hey I have to keep my lazy reputation intact! Let someone else do the paddling thing.

Another possibility is conducting land based tours, making stuff up as I go along. Hey - if the people in the group already knew they would not be on the guided tour! So what if I do not get every single little fact 100% correct? Will the world end? Nope. The people in the tour will have already paid the non-refundable fee. Complain! OK! No problem! Now lets see.....where did I put those complaint forms? I could have sworn I put them right here! But now I can not find them! Hold on while I look for them.

Then I go to the back room and play Ultima III on my phone until they go away.

Oh yea, I may also have to design programs for all ages. I can do that. I am good at thinking up stuff like that. Sort of. Not really. But I can learn.

Not that any of this will happen. I know how these things work. I am an expert. It takes FOREVER. I will not hear anything for months, by which time I will probably have some other position already. That or I will be so broke that I have to live under the I-95 overpass downtown. Although I would probably live under the Julia Tuttle Overpass. If I am going to be homeless, I might as well be homeless with water front cardboard box!

I also put in for other more boring things. Office type boring things. Managerial / professional boring office type things, as opposed to secretarial / administrative type boring office things. I may have to get some sort of certification thing.

But like I said, it is likely that by the time they get done with the process for these things I will be doing something else.

If you are going to apply for a government job - make sure you already have a job now. This way you have work for the year it takes for the process to take place.

And now, more on why I hate StarBucks.


Foamy The Squirrel is full of Squirrely Wisdom.

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Anonymous javajoe said...

They don't call it star BUCKS for nothing.

Blogger Avery Gray said...

That's one smart, cantankerous squirrel. I'll bet my son would like to kick him. Then hug him. I'm raising a well-adjusted kid.

And, I'm sorry, but did I hear you say that Ultima III is the best RPG game ever? Oh, so wrong. That would be Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Or possibly Twilight Princess. I'll tell you when I've beat it.

It's okay. I still like you.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Java - I only get stuff from there on occasion. It is not so much the price, it is the general attitude of the people and employees you find there.

Avery - Foamy The Squirrel is great. I have a feeling that there will be a lot more Foamy here in the future.

Blogger Fuzz said...

Gee, all I do with my phone is make calls, and I use an old perculater to make strong coffee. I'm just not too sure about this 21st century stuff.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuzz - percolators make EXCELLENT coffee. Much better than automatic drip machines. Years ago my dad had one - back in the days of weekend scout camping trips to the woods. I do not know where it is now or I would still use it.

I have three coffee machines. A French Press (also makes excellent coffee), a stove top espresso thing, and an electric espresso / auto drip machine. I use the French Press for gringo coffee and the machine for espresso. The machine makes steam so I can have frothy milk - otherwise I would use the stove top espresso thing.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

good lord Im behind on your posts...butt then again you have not graced me with your presence?

Recreation specialists usually have fur necklaces and answer to the name of "bandy"


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