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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The Gnats

Lets see here.....what is going on?

Nothing. Welcome to the summer doldrums. You wake up, it is hot outside, then it rains, then the gnats come out, and every time you breathe you inhale gnats.

Where the hell are a swarm of dragonflies when you want them? NOWHERE! In fact, I can not remember the last time I saw a dragonfly. This may explain the gnats.

Of course this is probably my fault. I have been dumping over any container of standing water I can find. Standing water breeds mosquitoes. These are BAD! HORRIBLE! But dragonfly larva also need standing water.

So what the hell can I do? Apparently nothing.

I hate it when gnats get up your nose. Once I was riding a bike and that happened and I started to sneeze and then swat at the air in a feeble attempt to clear a path - and then I crashed into a line pole.

So there I was, probably letting loose with a string of no-no words, bleeding, and furiously picking at my nose. With my pinkie finger so I could REALLY REALLY reach up there deep. Digging for gold. The idea was that I could SQUASH the gnats so they would stop wiggling.

It must have been quite a sight to see. There is that crazy guy again! Cursing and bleeding an nose picking. And it looks like the front wheel on that bicycle is....bent or something???

Good thing Homeland Security was not around back then. I would have probably been added to several watch lists. And for good reason. YOU do not want to have to sit next to the bleeding nose picking cursing guy during a trans-Atlantic flight now do you? Of course not. This is why people who frequently do this need to be on the famous "do not fly" list. Everyone can agree on this much.

But it was all the fault of the gnats. I hate those things. Did I mention that?

So anyway, that is a good summary of how things are going. Wake up, it is hot, then it rains, the gnats come out and the humidity is about as high as it can get so everything is steamy and you sweat like you are melting, then it rains some more, then the day is over.

Except for today. It only rained a little where I was at. See in Florida "rain" does not mean you will get wet. It can be raining in your front yard, but not your back yard. Really. I have seen that happen before.

You may be driving home in a terrible thunder storm, through standing water caused by an urban flash flood (some genius decided that everything in Miami must be paved, so that water can no longer soak into the ground - it just runs to the lowest point in the area). But when you get home - everything is bone dry. Never rained there.

But the gnats will be out anyway. They do not seem to care. I have no idea where they come from. I suspect they live in hedges and/or the lawn. Maybe just underground? Who knows.

Now what does this have to do with anything? I forgot. I think I was getting at a point. But whatever that point was is lost to time.

OH YEA! Thats right. It all boils down to Friday the 4th of July. So far the weather reports are promising. They are calling for a "slight chance" of showers and thunderstorms. Pretty standard report really.

The water mission is still on.

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Blogger TLP said...

So far (so good) we've had a not-so-bad gnat year.

To get rid of gnats in a small area try a bowl full of vinegar with a drop or two of dishwashing soap (not dishwashER detergent). The gnats will go for the vinegar water, and be trapped because the soap won't let them out. The soap changes the tension of the water's surface.

I think that gnats breed in decomposing stuff, not actually in water.

Of course, none of this will help you on a bike ride. The gnats you meet on the street are from other folk's yards.

Blogger Fuzz said...

So tlp explained why they always go for my wine. Thank you.
I saw dragonfly when we went to the creek over the weekend.
Once on a camping trip we told the tale of Kole, the King of the Gnats.

Blogger doozie said...

Maybe you should travel over to idaho.........I can protect u?????

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

TLP - that would explain why the swarms like freshly mowed lawns so mucb.

Fuzz - They go for just about everything. And they get stuck in your hair. Send any spare dragonflies you have to me. I need them.

Doozie - Idaho is so darn far away. And that sucks.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I was once riding a bike and yawning and a small fly literally flew right down my throat. So I can say now that I have eaten a fly. Guess at least I didn't have to chew!
I heard somewhere that every person eats an average of 8 spiders in their lifetime. The spiders apparently crawl into the mouth of the sleeping person and get swallowed. Guess they aren't the huge gigantic kind that live in my bathroom in the summer. Still, that was something I really could have done without knowing. And now I'm passing it on so others can be disturbed too.


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