Tour Guide

People from out of town arrive today. Guess who gets to play "tour guide". I really do not mind.

I just hope they do not want to go to South Beach. I hate the South Beach traffic. I hate the South Beach parking. I hate the South Beach drink prices. I hate the South Beach VALETS! Those people are PARASITES ON SOCIETY! Yea, take this $20 to park my vehicle for me. Yea I could do it myself - but fuck it. Here is $20. Please re-adjust the drivers seat for me! And change the radio station! GO ON! Please! I insist.

Oh wait - I forgot! I can't just park myself. YOU VALETS TOOK OVER ALL THE SPOTS! I have no choice.

SLUGS! I would rather pay a homeless person to piss in my gas tank than pay you to park my car.

I also hate the whole South Beach scene. The waiting in line so some scumbag behind a velvet rope and decide if you are worthy enough to get into some club. Hey scumbag behind the rope! Does your probation officer know you are out past midnight? How is that ankle bracelet the courts told you to wear going?

Really - take my word for it. South Beach sucks. Unless you like to pay for overpriced drinks and pay scumbags to mess with all the controls and settings in your car and stand in line to get into clubs and crap. If you like that then you will love South Beach.

But EVERYONE wants to go there. They think it is great.

I already know the people want to go to "the beach" today. But that is OK. I will pick the beach and go someplace half way decent.

I think they are going to get a place on Miami Beach anyway. Then they can go to South Beach all they want. And look at the fruits. And deal with the valets and scumbags guarding the entrances to the clubs - telling you that you can get in now IF you agree to buy a $500 bottle of vodka that you can get anywhere else for $30.

Classic. But not for me.