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Friday, October 31, 2008


First, for your viewing pleasure - A SPOOKY SHORT FILM!!!!!

And I thought Fred the orange cat was mean because he will bite the crap out of you if you annoy him. And how to you annoy Fred? Try to move is fat ass. If he plops down next to you then fine. But if you try to hold him, or move him, or touch his paws, tail, or belly - you will probably get bit.

Up next - Lazy Iguana's Halloween Safety Tips!!!

Tip 1 - spring for some GOOD CANDY. It is OK to have a few bags of the cheaper stuff - but you need some premium candy to spice things up.

Tip 2 - make up goody bags. Fill the bags with an assortment of stuff. MAKE SURE that at least one or two premium treats are in each bag.

The bags make it easy for the potential problems to remember where the candy came from.

For you see, this year Halloween falls on a Friday. And there is no school Saturday. So handing out crap candy is just asking - no PLEADING - for your place to get toilet papered. Or egged. Or whatever.

The way I look at Halloween is that is a holiday celebrating extortion. Give me good candy - or else I pull a prank on you. A prank that involves your front yard and a bunch of toilet paper. Or your car gas tank and a bag of sugar. Or a dozen raw eggs and your front door. Or a bag of dog poop set on fire and left on your porch.

By the way - if you open the door and see a bag on fire - DO NOT STOMP IT OUT!!! It is a trap. As demonstrated in this training film.

Tip 3 - as soon as Halloween is "over", throw out the pumpkin. Leaving a carved pumpkin on your door steep is an open invitation for someone to smash it. Or blow it up with fireworks.

Lets see - what else. I think I covered everything. I got the spooky video covered. I got the Halloween tips covered. Yup. Got it all.

Ill be going to the FLIBS today. The Ft Lauderdale International Boat Show. It looks like Ill go to the big boats area, which is on the water at a marina. I have never gone to the big boats area before. So it will be cool. I guess.

I printed out my ticket so I will not have to stand in line, like a jackass, when I get there. I think I have a free parking hookup taken care of.

There will be photos.

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Blogger Dusty said...

Your promising photo? Cool!

Halloween represents one thing for me:

My only child's birthday.

Thank God too as I am bad with birthdays and anniversary's. ;p

Blogger The Doozie said...

those punks can kiss my butt. After all if they toilet paper me, they would have to get about 1,000 packages of tp because of the size of this apartment building.

candy shmandy. I'm all about razor blades

Blogger Hobbes said...

Thanks for the informative videos.
Happy Halloween.
The Weirsdos are asleep right now, so I am not listening to any music.

Blogger TLP said...

Love the post below!

Too late for me on the tips, but I do give out good candy. Full-sized good candy bars. I may be old, but heck, I remember going trick-or-treating. I'm happy to treat, even though I don't believe I would be TPed in any case.


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