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Thursday, May 07, 2009

Ode To The Asshole At Publix


Who took one bottle of Sierra Nevada from the 6 pack.

Why would you do this? Single beer bottles are NOT bar coded. You can not just buy one. You have to buy all 6, or not buy any. That is how it works.

But no - you had to take one. I hope you choked on it. I hope the bottle cap became firmly lodged in your trachea - blocking airflow forever.

Because you see - once you removed the one bottle the six pack became a five pack. Nobody buys five packs. NOBODY. The store can not just charge me for five beers, and they will not sell me the five for the price of six.

What on Earth were you thinking? You just wanted one? Why? Are you such a pussy that you were afraid of the beer?

You really should just stick with Miller Lite.

I went to the store, to forage for dinner. And get some beer. I was thinking "some Sierra Nevada Pale Ale will be good right now". So I go to the beer isle and all I can find is one five pack.

Needless to say, I was less than amused.

If you are the mega douche bag responsible for the beer injustice at the Publix located on Miller Drive and SW 94th Ave - you suck. I hope you stub the shit out of your toe or something.

I had to go with the Samuel Adams Boston Lager. Not a bad beer really. I like the stuff. But what I really wanted was the Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

7 Comments:

Blogger Lily Strange said...

If only I could figure out how to invent the anti-asshole bomb, there would be a lot less people in the world.
Today must be the day for them to come out so we can rant at them. Mine is a far different subject, but both offenders are certainly douchebags. Lets hope that they are neutered before they have a chance to meet and mate.

04:29  
Blogger Fuzz said...

In a similar situation I have slipped in a bottle of Sierra Nevada Porter to take up the slack.

06:25  
Blogger actonbell said...

Gee, I'm sorry about your Sierra Pale Ale. That is great stuff. It's a mystery!
But, as you say, Sam Adams is always good, and at least you had good beer. Life is too short to drink crappy beer.

18:30  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Lily - That is a pretty messed up situation you posted about. People can be assholes.

Fuzz - I have done just that. Grab another bottle of something else and make a 6 pack. But that does not solve the root problem - it just creates another 5 pack. And the porter bottle caps are red - the pale ale caps are green. An alert checkout clerk will notice the red cap. And of course, there is still a 5 pack - so the cycle continues.

Action - Sam Adams is good stuff. I like it because it is almost always available. I like Sierra Nevada better - but it is not as available as Sam.

18:57  
Blogger Utah Savage said...

I feel your pain.

20:12  
Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

Lazy Ig, do you ever see any Schlafly beers down there? It's pretty good stuff. If you're ever in St. Louis, you should go by their Bottleworks or the Pub and get some free tastings. Yum. Love that Scotch Ale they make, but I think their really popular beer is their Pale Ale.

08:42  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Scotch Ale is OK. Every so often Ill be seen with one. It is hard to find here, so I do not always get it. I like the smoked flavor - but sometimes a Scotch Ale is too sweet for me. I like the hops bitterness better. Pale Ale and India Pale Ale is really my style of choice.

You still into Chimay Blue?

19:06  

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