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Thursday, January 18, 2007

Exciting Day. Not Really.

What an exciting day this was!

First, there was that stupid test I was supposed to take. I get up early and stuff, and head off into the wonderful Miami traffic.

I really hate this place. People are so stupid, it amazes me they can remember to breathe. 60% of the drivers I looked at were yapping away on their cell phone, totally ignorant of anything outside their car. So this slows traffic.

And then when I got on the so called express way, it was backed up to hell. There is road construction going on. And by "construction" I mean there is some signs of work being done (crazy lane markings, graded but unpaved roads, concrete barriers, etc). There are also a whole lot of construction machines. But no workers. The equipment just sits there. So this slows everything down.

I know about this. So I left with enough time to account for the stupidity.

But I did not account for ALL the stupidity. The north south expressway is where the "construction" is going on. So I kind of expected that to be all screwed up.

The east west expressway should have opened up a bit after the first exit. It usually does. But as it turned out, some idiot had an accident and rolled a Chevy Blazer. The driver was probably yapping on the cell phone at the time. Anyway, the accident was over. All vehicles involved were well to the side of the road. All the emergency vehicles were gone, except for one police car and a few tow trucks. The rolled Blazer was on the flatbed.

And EVERY ASSHOLE ON THE ROAD had to slow down to look. OHHH! Look at the smashed up cars! Hey kids! Grab your cameras! Lets take some photos!

And so the traffic was backed up for much longer than it needed to be. Up to the point of the accident I was going maybe 5 mph. After I passed the exact point where the accident happened I was able to go 80 mph. Just like that. So most of that eastbound slowdown was 100% not necessary.

As a result, I arrived at the testing location at 9:01 AM. Yes 9:01. According to my phone.

The doors to the testing location closed at 9:00 AM. 1 fucking minute. Had the assholes NOT felt the need to stop and look at the accident, I would have made it where I needed to be with plenty of time to register and get seated and stuff.

I hope EVERYONE who was responsible for the "slow down to look" thing roll their vehicle tomorrow. Really. I do. Screw them. The world will be better off with that many fewer idiots polluting the gene pool. And it will mean that much less traffic, because thousands of cars will not be on the road Friday. They can all stay home Friday and look at a crunched up car all damn day.

Now it is a law in Florida to slow down OR move over one lane if there are vehicles stopped on the side of the road. Fair enough. But people were stopping to look. Traffic in the two lanes to the right could have moved at at least 30 mph - well within the slow down or move over law. Traffic in the left two lanes could have continued at speed - also within the law. But people were stopping to look. I hate that shit.

This is common in Miami. This city has to have one of the lowest collective IQs in the world. The Special Olympics should be held here every year, so that people do not have to travel very far to participate.

But not all was lost today. I was able to finish the "cargo carrier to bike rack" project. I bought the bike rack part last year. It has been sitting around for at least a year. Well I finally bought the bolts, nuts, and washers to attach the thing to the carrier. Ill have to remember to take a picture of the thing. One day.

And about the letter from yesterday's post? I called someone. They are re-auditing things. I think that the error will be resolved. No harm no foul. Life goes on. Computerized systems are supposed to make life easier. And they do - most of the time. Just not all the time. This is a case where the humans just have to correct the computer. And then punish it with "the magnet".

And seriously, if you are going to come to Miami for any reason consider your options. There are beaches all over the place you know. Want to go on a cruise? Use the airport shuttle bus thing. And if you want to spend a few days in the city AFTER the cruise? Consider your options. Try to stay someplace where you will NOT need to rent a darn car - unless you want to spend 40% of your vacation time stuck in that rental car. Rent a nice one! Do not cheap out! Trust me - get the Lincoln Town Car.

If you are going to the Keys - you may be tempted to fly into Miami or Ft. Lauderdale, rent a car, and drive to the keys. Good idea in theory - except you have to drive in Miami. Trust me, take the American Eagle connection to Key West. Once you are there you will not need a car.

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I always love the vulture factor with accidents. I sometimes wonder if they are planning on swooping out of their car and grabbing a piece of mangled flesh.

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

Yet another reason why if my dream of having a bank of surface to air missles mounted on the roof of my car were to come true, I would be locked away for life in prison.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I love that - the vulture factor! I may steal it.

Surface to air missiles are out. I want to invent the "vaporizing ray of death". This way, no residue will be left over. Missiles will leave too much wreckage.

Blogger actonbell said...

First off, my condolences for being late to the test because of immature papparazi wannabes. That sucks really hard.

And thank you for the asshole-addendum to the management rules. It's so appropriate to my situation.

I always look AWAY from accidents because of my fear of gore. If I were to see too much, I'd be another wreck.

Blogger Fuzz said...

Too bad about the rubberneckers. Too bad about the lousy 60 sec. I often ask my wife to drive in the Big City, I don't handle it very well.
I missed a plane once on account of some wreck. It was very frustrating.


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