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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Stupid Laws

Why the hell can't I buy beer on Sunday in Alabama? Seriously. Once I was in Alabama on my way home from Mississippi. Long story. I have some family that live in Mississippi. Anyway, since I was sitting in the back of the mini van and there were old people that had to stop to piss every 30 minutes I figured I might as well drink beer. It was not like I had anything else to do. And of course people in the mini van had to talk about stuff. And listen to shitty music.

The beer was medicine. It was either drink the beer or bust out a window and jump out of it - ending it all. And if the van had to stop every 45 miles for someone to piss anyway, why not drink? It is not like I ever had to say "you really need to stop this car before I wizz all over the place back here".

Somewhere in Alabama I ran out of beer. No problem! Ill just buy more. Well not so. I went into what passed for a "supermarket" and some redneck says to me "yall aint from around here are ya?". The beer was the clue. In Alabama you can not buy beer on Sunday.

So the guy then tells me that I have to drive another 75 miles to Florida, where I can buy all the beer I want. I say something like "I live in Florida, and what is this retarded bullshit about not being able to buy beer on Sunday here? Do you think God does not know you just buy extra beer Saturday?". Cause everyone in Alabama gets drunk on Sunday. But they think they are fooling God because they do not buy the alcohol on Sunday. And who says Sunday is the 7th day? What if God works a crazy schedule and his days off are Tuesday and Wednesday? That would make Sunday Thursday, and therefore alcohol sales should be banned on Wednesday! But oh well.

I was never so happy to be back in Florida. I almost cried at the State border.

What brings this up? Beats the hell out of me. Maybe I was out at The Bar in Coral Gables again. I can't remember.

Actually I can. The Bar has Sierra Nevada Pale Ale on tap. That is some good stuff. Real beer made here in America.

All sorts of crap is going on, and I have no idea what that crap is. This is always fun.



Blogger Ed Abbey said...

Minnesota is the same way if you ever find your self in a minivan full of old people there.

Makes me love Iowa where if you need a fifth of Jack Daniels right before church starts on Sunday, you can go into any grocery store and buy one, or two so that you can share with the others in your pew.

Blogger carl r said...

In Michigan, if you take a dead rat to a county seat, you get a 10 cent bounty.

And oral sex is illegal. My girlfriend tells me to ignore that law...

Anonymous morebeer said...

You do not need to go all the way to Alabama. Miami Beach say you can't buy beer in a store after 11pm. But you can go next door to the bar and drink all night long. So it must not be ok to get drunk at home at night

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll tell you what kind of crap is going on, two days in a row now, I've loaded your site on my pc and it has froze up solid. what is the deal with that?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Ed - if you fart in church do you have to stay in your pew? I would think so.

Carl - I think oral sex is illegal in most states - including Florida. So nobody does that here. Ever. Not even when they are drunk. That is the king of all stupid laws.

Morebeer - Miami Beach is retarded. I avoid that place at all costs. This is America, and if I want to buy beer at 7 AM on Easter Sunday I should be able to do so. Anything else is communist bullshit!

Doozie - sometimes when I load Krok's site Firefox locks up. I will have to investigate what the crap is going on.

Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

Oh sure bad mouth my site.

One of the hottest chicks I ever new went to Alabama with her boyfriend to start a chicken farm. This confused me and i still think about it 30 years later.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Krok - she probably did not remain hot for very long.

Blogger TLP said...

Until very recently you couldn't buy beer on Sunday in PA. Silly. Just plain silly.

Yeah, old people do pee a lot. A LOT. I'm an old people so I know. If a car full of old people starts for the border, they never get there. Too many pit stops.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

TLP - tell me about it. The drive home took forever. But it was OK. I was not really in a great big huge hurry to get back.

Blogger Dusty said...

MA and VA don't sell alcohol on Sundays either.Damn Blue Laws!

I never got used to it in MA many sundays all I had was some herb..which come to think of it..wasn't THAT bad.

Blogger carl r said...

You said I think oral sex is illegal in most states - including Florida. So nobody does that here. Ever. Not even when they are drunk.

Well, I've been to some interesting parties at Spring Break, and I know that people do, in fact, do that in Fla. Or at least, it has been done, in Fla.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Dusty - I think the green leafy substance should be decriminalized. It would take a lot of money OUT of the hands of gangs. Of course they would just do something else, but every little bit helps. Legalize it.

Carl - NO WAY! People getting freaky and breaking some stupid law that can not be enforced without putting cameras all over the place and creating the "proper way to have sex" police? You must be making that up.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Can't buy alcohol in Colorado on Sunday either. Not even 3.2 pisswater. However, since I drink very little, these two four packs of coolers will last me well into the fall.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

If you fart in church blame it on your brother! That's what I always did.


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