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Thursday, July 12, 2007

What You REALLY Want To Say

Not too long ago I posted a great cartoon jingle to open any movie. Don't talk, watch. The death metal song featuring hardcore movie snacks that threaten to stab you if you do not shut up.

Well here is another public service announcement. It is what you REALLY want to say to others at the movies. WARNING! This is really what you want to say. It is not work safe. Nothing you REALLY REALLY want to say to someone else who is annoying you is work safe.

They really should play this before every movie. I swear I have seen people at the movies playing on a PSP. Why would you pay to go somewhere just to play your PSP? Just keep your ass at home! Play with yourself all you want there. Keep a towel nearby.

Movie Review!

Reno 911!: Miami. Probably the best part of this movie was being able to say "Hey, that is the Parrot Jungle Island!" or "I know that causeway, I was stuck on it for hours one day because some asshole did something stupid" or "that is not a police department, that is the pit of the Miami-Dade County Emergency Operations Center at the Miami-Dade County Fire Rescue HQ building on NW 40th street not too far from the Doral Ale House". And "Is that the security checkpoint at the cruise ship terminal?". And stuff like that. Otherwise, the movie was about as good as the show on Comedy Central. In other words, not so great. It has its moments here and there. But mostly this movie was a horrible waste of everyone's time. Assholes come to Miami to film bad movies, shutting down roads to local traffic for DAYS at a time. Oh but it brings money to the city! Yea, well not to me. I do not get any of that movie money. But do I get stuck in the traffic? Not really. I do not live on the beach. But someone gets stuck in the traffic. And I am sure it pisses them off.

So please, if you want to make a movie in Miami try to do better than "the fast and the fuckwitted 2" that shuts down the MacArthur Causeway for 3 or 4 days just to shoot a car chase scene that lasts 10 minutes on the film. If the movie is going to be crap, and I am not going to get paid off with any of that movie money - shoot your crap film somewhere else. Like Naples. That is an excellent place. I do not live there.

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Hell, I'd say the movie was worth it just for that great public service announcement!
I actually haven't seen it.
If I want to watch a movie all the way through, I have to watch it in the theatre. Otherwise, no matter how much I'm enjoying it, sleep deprivation takes over and I miss half of it. Sure I can go back to the scene, if I have it on the DVD. But it's frustrating.

Blogger TLP said...

I'm a bit like cheesemeister on the issue of movie-watching in a theatre. I enjoy movies AT the theatre, but in my case, I just can't sit down in my own home that long. I always think of something else I could/should be doing.

Love the "shut the fuck up" video.

Anonymous reno911hater said...

It appears Reno 911 finally did something to deserve to exist. Now if they could practice what they preach and go away the world would be a better place.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you got so fired up you forgot the tail whip thing. I saw this movie too, just the other night and it was indeed a waste of time. There were maybe one, two funny parts at most. I never watch the show either, you have to get TEEVEE to do that

Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

Holy crap that's me. Why on earth do they allow blacks to go to a movie? I guess they make so much money selling crack and robbin the 7-Eleven that they enjoy going to movies and ruining the experience for the whites. I may borrow this for one of my lessor blogs.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

CM - the movie was not so great. I rented it because I do watch the TV show sometimes. Plus I have Netflix so it is not like I went out and paid to rent it. I pay $18 a month regardless of what I rent.

TLP - I like going to the theater too. But I do not do this very often. DVDs usually have extra goodies, like the Reno 911 PSA spots. I can only find 2 of the 5 on You Tube.

Reno911Hater - the show is not that bad. Actually it is a good spoof of Cops. But as a full length movie it just misses.

Doozie - I would give it three tail whips. OK but not great. A movie has to really suck big time to get less than three tail whips.

Krok - I thought you would like that. You would like the "do not shoot your gun in the theater" PSA more. But nobody has posted that on You Tube yet.


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