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Monday, October 01, 2007

On Sunburn

Some people seem to be concerned about sunburn on Columbus Day. And I can see why this could be a problem for some people. If you get drunk and nude and pass out in the sun for an hour or so it could get really ugly.

But there ARE some people with no tan lines. And for them it may not be as big of a problem. A little SPF 6 or 8 and they are good to do.

And then there are the rest of us. Those people with parts that have never seen the light of day. For people like that, there is not enough SPF in the world.

And what if those parts that never see the light of the sun get sunburn? That would be terrible. I got the top of my feet sunburned once and that was pretty bad. It hurt to wear shoes and walk. And then there was the cruise I took last summer where I decided that it was a good idea to hang out on the deck in the sun without a shirt or sunblock. I was in pain for a good 2 or 3 days after that.

So I can only imagine what would happen if I got other parts burned. Talk about hurting when you pee. And how would number 2 work? Probably not very well. And then there is the problem experienced when a hot chick walks by. That could REALLY hurt.

So I will be wearing extra pants, just to make sure. And Bullfrog Surfer Formula sunblock. I like that stuff. It is not all oily and greasy and does not stink like a pineapple or coconut or some other tropical fruit. Really good stuff.

And parts that have never seen the sun shall continue to not see the sun. I think this will be for the best. I think that it would be dreadful to get a first degree burn there. Or there. Or on that. Simply not going to happen.

Speaking of water, lets say you go swimming at he gym and some grouchy old lady gets in your way because she will not stay in the "walking in the pool" lane and gets into the "slow swimming" lane. Well maybe this will give you an idea.

If you see any brown sharks during Columbus Day , it is critical you keep them away from your boat hull. Or pull up the anchor and move somewhere else. Once you verify that it is NOT really a candy bar floating in the water. I call "NOT IT" for that task. So someone else has to verify that the brown sharks are in fact not really candy bars. NOT IT!

I hope this post lived up to everyone's expectations.

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Blogger TLP said...

Gross. Up to par for sure.

Blogger Daisy said...

Hahahahahaha! That's yucky! I have a long brown catnip cigar that we have to put away whenever guests arrive. Because it does not look like a cigar.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhhh...the old baby ruth trick. I hope catty teri uses this one!

as for you..are you having some sort of obsession with bowel/genital area stuff lately? do you need to be desensitized?

Blogger AP3 said...

Rabbit, rabbit! Is this Columbus Day? Who knew?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

TLP - I can not disappoint my fans.

Daisy - Caddyshack is one of the funniest movies ever. The pool scene will never die.

Doozie - I hope so too. And I hope she tapes it. It would be a laugh riot.

AP3 - Next Monday, October 8, is Columbus Day. I have to get ready for it. The actual day is a non event, the floating party peaks Saturday night.


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