Immigrant Day

Tomorrow is supposed to be some huge, massive, immigrant protest day.

This started off when Congress started talking about illegal immigration, and how to stop it. Some of the measures proposed were rather extreme and impractical - like for example bussing up to 11 million people to Mexico.

So the movement started. First it was spread through the illegal community in the USA. Then it moved south of the border, and Mexican media started to encourage Mexican Citizens to not buy American goods on May 1. And so on. As if Wal-Mart cares if nobody shops on May 1 in Mexico City.

The American Media, not to be outdone, decided to turn up the heat on this "story". They put the "May 1 no immigrant day" on active rotation. Every 20 minutes, regular as an old man who eats nothing but prunes and prune related products.

So the door was left open for the "protest" to spread. And it did. Now, everyone who is or was or had anyone in their family who immigrated here is supposed to "show support" tomorrow.

I WILL go to work tomorrow. First off, I do not feel like wasting a sick day for no reason. Also, what exactly would I be supporting by not working tomorrow? And why?

economically, this protest is retarded. Lets say nobody in the USA buys gas tomorrow. And then lets say that everyone drives somewhere to protest. How will they get there? Some will be able to walk or ride a bike, but if you are going to drive you need gas. And forget about public transportation - because "everyone" includes bus drivers.

This means you will buy gas today. Or you will buy gas Tuesday. Or you filled up Saturday. The point is, if you drive X miles a week you need Y gallons of fuel. It does not matter what day you buy the gas on. As long as you use up the same X gallons, not a single gas station will care.

And the same holds true for Wal-Mart. Lets say you shop there and spend $150 a week on food. Does Wal-Mart care if you spend that $150 on Monday or on Thursday? Not at all. Not even a little bit. They will just close the stores, and not pay anyone for the lost day. When they re-open on Tuesday they will have better than usual sales, and still not pay the employees any more money. The "lost day" could end up making large business MORE money. In theory.

Of course, places like Wal-Mart will not be affected at all - it is the small business that will take a hit.

Also, who exactly are the protesters trying to hurt? By not working that means they do not get paid. People who work illegally do not get things like sick days they can cash in when they do not show up for work. And the businesses that will loose sales are the SAME PLACES that give the illegals work in the first place.

Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Here in Miami, there is all kinds of talk on the street about Monday. What will happen? Will everything be closed? Will people decide to have more "school zone protests" and drive on the expressway at 15 mph or block major roads with "human chains" (pronounced human shanes)?

The major immigrant group in Miami are Cubans. And they have no bitch really. US Law is such that it is impossible to be an illegal Cuban immigrant. The "wet feet dry feet" policy says that if you set foot on dry land, you are in. Only those stopped at sea are sent back. This policy ONLY applies to Cubans. Hatians are sent back. People from El Salvador and Nicaragua are sent back. Mexicans are sent back. No matter how dry their feet are, they are all sent back. Except Cubans. They get to stay.

For this reason, the protest in Miami should be somewhat limited. But I do not think that it will exactly be business as usual in Miami. I have already seen the Cuban flag at rallies on the TV.

And why should the legal immigrants take part? They all followed the law. They may have waited months or even years for their papers. Maybe they came here and had to leave family behind, and begin the process for them all over. As opposed to simply jumping a fence then demanding that the anti-fence jumping law be changed. To hell with the process.

Now I know you are probably thinking "easy for you to say, but how did YOUR family get here!!?!?". Well, they came here on a boat. Some on wooden sailing ships, and others on steel hulled steamers. But at the time they came over here there were either no immigration laws (this place was just a colony of England) or the laws said that as long as your boat landed at Ellis Island and you told someone your name, where you were from, and where you wanted to live, you could get in.

But that was then. Laws have changed.

The thing that separates civilized nations from Somalia is the rule of law. Without the rule of law, what do you have? Lets just look at Iraq - another place with no rule of law.

And we can not exactly pick and choose the laws we want to follow. You can break laws, but by doing so you realize that you may get busted and have to face some sort of consequence.

But people just want to get ahead economically! What do you have to say about that?

To that I say I have no problems with people trying to make a better life for themselves. So long as they do so within the framework of the law. People can make money by stealing my vehicle, or breaking into my home - but that is outside the framework of the law. Not that all illegal immigrants are criminals or anything. I am just making a point. People do not have any "right" to simply make money however they want to. They have to follow the law. Right now, jumping the fence is outside the framework of the law.

And by jumping the fence, illegal immigrants have to operate below the radar. This means they are not protected by the law. If they are not paid by their employer, what can they do? Call the EEOC? Not if they do not want to be deported. How about if they get hurt on the job? If they say anything, they are out of here - and the employer gets a light slap on the wrist.

But immigrants do the work that Americans do not want to do! Not exactly. What they do is drive down wages to the point where people who live here can not afford to work. Illegals do not get public assistance, citizens do. You can not have both - you either have a job or welfare. And nobody really WANTS to live in a housing project. So when someone is here illegally, working for lower than legal wages, where does that leave citizens on the bottom of the economic food chain? They can not compete with the low pay. So they stay on assistance.

And illegal workers who work for below legal pay make it HARDER for other immigrants who arrive, by driving down wages. They also open themselves up to exploitation. Yes, you can find a job mixing concrete or digging a hole for a few bucks an hour - but what you have done is allow someone else to exploit you. If you were here legally, you would get at least minimum wage - and probably more. You would get workplace protections like workmans comp if you got hurt.

I would also like to know what nation treats immigrants, legal or illegal, better than the USA. If I were to sneak into France, then demand that I be allowed to take the driving test in English what do you think would happen? How about if I over-stay a Mexican Visa and then demand that the government print all documents in English as well as Spanish?

I doubt that any of those things would happen. So yes, CBP will deport you if they find you here illegally. This is what CBP does - protect the border. And is it that unreasonable to expect that if you get here by breaking the law you should possibly face a consequence?

Anyway, I will go to work tomorrow. And I will expect for some stuff to be closed. And I will expect for some crazy crap to happen in Miami.

But this could end up backfiring on Cubans in Miami. Here is how. The Cuban political machine has placed Cuba on the list of states that sponsor terrorism. This was done as part of the long standing pissing war between the exiles and Castro. But ANYONE from this "state that sponsors terrorists" can just stay here if they get to dry land? Would this not allow potential TERRORISTS to get in the USA? Would you not think that people that try to sneak into the USA from terrorist states should be sent back, or put under questioning? Who are you? Why are you here? What is your mission? Do you know Bin-Laden?

At any rate, I will be going to work tomorrow. And I suspect that many others will go to work as well. And I hope people who do protest in Miami remember the Ellian fiasco - where protesters decided to block traffic. People got run over, and not by rednecks but by other Cubans trying to do stuff like GET HOME before the ice cream they just got melted.

Building A Habitat.

First - the bad news.

Friday I have to show up to work at 6 AM. This means I have to get up at a very un-holy hour. I have to leave NO LATER than 0530. And even at 0530 I will have to haul ass to be on the bus before 0545. This is the good thing about getting an early start, with no traffic I can get to work in 15 minutes or less.

Now I know you are probably wondering how the hell this happened. The coordinator called me when I was driving home from work today. The conversation started off with "(co-worker X) will not be at work tomorrow, and someone needs to open up a room for the people doing the terminal survey at 6 AM and the former prime minister of (nation X) is going to be leaving at 0730".

So I knew what was going to happen next. "Can you show up at 6 AM?". I said that I could. I will have the option to split at 2 PM or stay later and get some OT. Ill probably stay for a few hours of OT - if there is a need of course. If there is no need, I get to leave early.

And tomorrow is also the day I find out if I can get Saturday off. It may not happen. With the shortage of staff, my request may not be approved.

If my day off is approved, then Saturday I will take part in the building of a Habitat For Humanity home. A team from my workplace is going to be there.

I have never gone to a Habitat project. I am thinking I will learn to spackle or something. Maybe I will be put in charge of concrete mixing or something. I have a hardhat, sunscreen, and everything. I may even tote my own framing hammer with me.

If I get to take part in the Habitat project, Ill bring my digital camera and take some pictures. If I have to go to work, then Ill take some photos of my office aquarium.

The Experiment

So you may remember that I put a small aquarium in my little office.

More about the office aquarium soon.

What I really want is a 75 - 90 gallon freshwater planted setup, with a soft slightly acidic water theme. This is similar to the water you would find in the Amazon.

Now for the fun part. Water in Miami is hard as a brick and has a high PH. My tap water is filtered through millions of tons of limestone. So 90 gallons of soft, slightly acidic water is not exactly going to fall from the sky.

So what I did was set up a 5 1/2 gallon experimental aquarium at home. With such a small tank, I can play with holding the PH at 6.7 or 6.8 to see just how much of a pain in the ass that will be. And the best part was I already had all the stuff I needed without having to buy anything.

Here are the details:

Lights - two 13 watt power compacts at 5500k and 6700k.
Gravel - Seachem Flourite (red)
Water chemistry - PH 6.7
Plant supplements - API "Leaf Zone" and Seachem Flourish Excel

I filled the tank with distilled water, because distilled water has nothing in it. It has nothing to buffer PH or hardness. Therefore, it is easy to work with.

I used some Seachem Discus Buffer and Seachem neutral Buffer to set the PH to 6.7. The Discus Buffer is made to work with the neutral buffer to hold the PH at any level from 6.8 - 5.5, depending on the ratio of neutral buffer to discus buffer used. As for hardness, the discus buffer has compounds in it that tend to lower general hardness, while the neutral buffer has compounds that tend to prevent PH swings.

So far, the experiment is working out OK. Set up exactly like the 5 1/2, a 90 gallon would be fairly expensive. but I could cut some corners. For one, Flourite is expensive. $16 for a 15 pound bag. I used most of the bag for the little tank, so a 90 gallon tank could require at least 15 bags or more. To reduce this I could mix the Flourite with regular gravel 50/50, or special order larger bags from some internet supplier. Another option is to use regular cheap gravel and supplement it myself with stuff from a garden supply store.

Here is what the experiment tank looks like now. The fish you can see are neon tetras and a dwarf honey flame gourami. If you click the photo it will open up a larger photo, where you can see my Glo-Fish hiding behind the neon tetra towards the top of the tank.

Glo-Fish is a genetically modified zebrafish. A researcher spliced some jellyfish DNA into some zebrafish eggs - all to make the internal organs easy to see. The result was a pinkish/red FrankenFish creature. They say it will glow in the dark if you "charge" the fish with some UV light. But the Glo-Fish like the same water conditions as regular zebrafish, which makes them easy to keep.

Of Mice And Max.

There is no reason for me to make a list of things I want to do. I make them anyway, but I am just fooling myself, I never get the stuff done. Not even close.

Lets take today for example. I did manage to get to the bank to pull out some money, but that is about it. I was too lazy to wake up before noon, and so it was not worth it to load up the kayak. I figured that would happen.

I did remember something I forgot to put on the list. Max the lizard needed some food. I get Max his food on one of my two days off. Today he got 7 mice. This will keep him going till next week when I will get more mice. If he looks too hungry in-between mice days, I will feed him boiled eggs or just about anything else protein based. Max will eat just about anything. But mice are what he likes the best.

Anyway, on the plate for tomorrow is work. I have to go in on my second day off for some OT. I have to be there by 0630 (AM) and I will be out by 0830. But if I go in on my day off I get a minimum of 4 hours, so this will work out well. I can probably find something to do to fill in the other 2 hours - and if I can't then I leave.

This will at least get my lazy ass up before noon. So there is a chance I will get to do the beer kayak experiment. And I will make a little extra money too. Not a bad thing at all.

The telescope is cool. I went and looked at it again, and this time I was able to mess with it because the sky was not as cloudy - but the conditions were still fairly crappy. I will probably buy the thing. I had the cash to get it today, but decided to hold off. The guy is not going to sell it unless I say I do not want to buy it. There is no rush.

Weekend!

It is Monday night. This can only mean one thing! MY weekend is here. In my warped alternative reality Monday is Friday, and Friday is Tuesday.

Anyway I have already covered all this before. So onto the next section.

On my Saturday, I have an action packed day planned. While most of you are at work, or stuck in traffic, I will be doing something else. Unless you are retired that is. Retired people do not have to do the whole rat race thing either - unless they choose to do so.

And now it is list time!

1. Go to the credit union and pull out $1,500 in weekend fun cash.
2. Go home and stash the cash.
3. Load the kayak carrier into the truck.
4. Load the kayak into the truck.
5. Put the TEST BEER into a cooler.
6. Get the fishing pole into the truck.
7. Hook up with some frozen shrimp.
8. Drive to the Key Biscayne Causeway.
9. Launch the boat from the beach.
10. Paddle under the old causeway.
11. Fish.
12. Consume beer under controlled scientific conditions, in order to ascertain what the official beer of summer 06 will be. So far the control group is leaning towards the Summer Ale. But the control group really needs to get out on the water to put the two beer choices to the test. And by "control group" I mean me. It would be totally unethical to experiment on someone else.

The $1,500 in weekend fun cash is for the Meade LX90. I took a look at the thing today. It has the UHTC option. UHTC stands for "ultra high transmission coating". This is an optional process that Meade applies to the optical surfaces of telescopes. The standard aluminum coatings provide 76% - 80% reflectivity (depending on the wavelength of light), but the UHTC bumps that up 14% - 18% (again, depending on the wavelength of light). It amounts to about the same as bumping up the apature another 1/4 of an inch. I also discovered that the scope has what Meade calls "level north technology". I have no idea what exactly this means, but I think it means the scope can detect where north is and will level itself. Enter your zip code, tell the computer what time it is, and it aligns itself. Nifty. The guy may not include the wedge or the focal reducer, but it will come with an electronic fine focus controller, which is pretty cool.

If I were to buy all this stuff new it would cost me about $2,200. I am still iffy about the buy, but I have been looking at scopes for a while and this is a decent deal. When I went to look at it today there were too many clouds to set it up. When I go back tomorrow I hope for there to be less clouds. If the clouds are still thick then I will have to wait for Saturday to exchange the paper for some equipment.

Looking Back In Time

Who would not want to look back in time? Nobody - thats who.

I have the chance to grab my very own looking back in time device - for the everyday low price of only $1500. Now I had not planned on buying any such device. I have considered buying such a device, but just never got around to it.

There are many reasons for this. For one, I did not know exactly what device I wanted. There are so many out there. I had it narrowed down to something computer controled, and something at least 6 inches in diameter. I also wanted to spend LESS THAN $2,000.

These two requirements did narrow the pack down a little, but there was still a lot to think about. I kind of like refractors, but they are the most expensive for any given apature, large, and heavy. A 6 inch refractor with a decent tripod would push the limits of what I was looking to spend, and leave nothing in the budget for accessories. Reflectors offer the lowest cost for any given apature, but they are not as good for photography. Then there are the Catadioptrics. These feature somewhat complicated optics, but are a great choice.

Anyway, I can get this thing for $1500.

This is the Meade LX90. It is an 8 inch Schmidt-Cassegrain telescope with the Meade "Auto Star" computer thing. The scope will allign itself, tell me what is in the sky to look at, then point to it. I can operate it even while drinking.

And the seller is including some cool accessories. Like the equitorial wedge

and the focal place reducer

These two items are for long exposure photography. The wedge allows the scope to track the movement of stuff in the sky more accuratly, and the focal place reducer uses optics to shorten the tube, reducing power but at the same time making the field of view wider and also making the scope "faster" by a factor of .63. In photography terms, the scope goes from F/10 to F/6.8. which means exposure times are cut in half.

The cost of the same scope new is close to $2,000. The two accessories alone are close to $400. And the guy made a cool box to carry the whole thing in - that is worth at least another $50. The hard case they sell for the telescope is $250.

So the $1500 is actually a good deal. I am going to go look at the thing sometime this week.

The Decider

I should be the decider.....for the 2006 hurricane names. But I am not the decider. So whoever the decider is decidered to choose the same old boring names as usual.

By the way, "decider" IS a real word. Without violating my security clearance I can let you all in on this. There is a classified dictionary of the English Language. I can not tell you what words are inside it, because it is....well...CLASSIFIED! Need to know basis and all. The national security implications are real here.

But the President CAN de-classify words in the classified dictionary by using them in a speech. Once he says a word on the public record that word is removed from the classified dictionary and can be used by everyone. No leaking here!

Anyhow the 2006 hurricane names ARE boring. So I came up with my own list! Hurricane names fit a "theme", but the theme is boring. Alternating male and female names. Boring huh? To spice things up they also mix up english names with spanish names, and sometimes even toss in a token french name (or whatever language pronounces "George" as "Zoreze").

So my theme was VILLAINS! Movie villains. Cartoon villains. TV villains. Media villains. Video game villains. Even a movie title that sounded like a cool villain name.

The boring hurricane center decidered names are on the left, the names I decidered are on the right.

Alberto ------ Aku
Beryl ------ Bill The Butcher
Chris ------ Chucky
Debby ------ Dr. Evil
Ernesto ------- Electro
Florence ------- Fat Bastard
Gordon ------ Godzilla
Helene ------- Hannibal
Isaac ---------- Immortus
Joyce -------- Jaws
Kirk --------- Kim Jong Il
Leslie ---------- Leatherface
Michael -------- Ming The Merciless
Nadine ------ Nosferatu
Oscar ----- O'Reilly
Patty ---- Pennywise
Rafael ----- Ratched (Nurse Ratched)
Sandy --- Shang Tsung
Tony ---- Terminator
Valerie --- Vigo The Carpathian
William --- Werewolf

I think my names are great. Come on! What could be cooler than "Hurricane Ming The Merciless"? You know at least that people would not think that staying in a flood zone would be a good idea with a name like "Bill The Butcher" or "Nosferatu".

But mostly, I think it would be funny to hear every local weather reporter in South Florida to give reports about "Fat Bastard" every 15 minutes for a few days. They could say things like "Fat Bastard is on the way, so many sure you have at least 2 weeks of food stocked away!". Or how about this headline "Godzilla Goofs! Hits Jacksonville and not Tokyo". And so on.

Summertime

I think it is summertime again. Here is why.

1. I have noticed it is getting hot as hell AND
2. I watched a rain cloud form over the Everglades today.

In South Florida, there ARE four seasons - but two of the seasons are very short. Here they are.

1. Hurricane season, also known as summer. This lasts from May to September. This season is notable for being hot, rainy, and storms with names. I would like to be in charge of hurricane names just once - I would use movie villain names. Hurricane "Fat Bastard" has a good ring to it. You could say "that Fat Bastard ripped off my roof!"

2. Dry season. This season lasts from November to March. It is notable for its lack of storms with names, and the possibility of days with somewhat "dry" and cool air. This is the good time.

3. Transition time #1 (October) and transition time #2 (April). These two months are a mix of dry season and hurricane season. Sometimes it can be a cool or warm nice day, sometimes it is hot as hell and storming.

Another indication that it is now summer is from the Boston Beer Company, the brewers of the Samuel Adams line of beer.

You know it is summer when you can find these two beers in the supermarket! Summer Ale is a pretty good wheat beer with hints of lemon in it. It also has a slightly bitter taste that seems to go away, or at least is less noticeable, as you drink the beer. Cherry Wheat is a sweet beer, with more than just a hint of the cherry flavor. It is refreshing on a hot summer day. Both beers have about the same alcohol content.

of course summer also means BOAT SEASON! Here is the issue. Last summer was the first summer I found myself as the skipper frequently. Before the 18 footer there was a 14 footer, but the last time I was out in that thing was 1992. The engine had a problem that was never fixed and the floor rotted. The 18 footer arrived in 2004.

The first time I used the boat I brought along some Bass Ale. Now I like Bass Ale, but I discovered it is not a good boat beer. It is not a bad boat beer, but it is a bit "heavy". So I tried some Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Again, not a good boat beer. Not at all. Way too heavy for the boat. I like pale ales, but on the boat they are just too hoppy. Also, they tend to have a higher alcohol content which is not that good for the boat. You can get dehydrated too easy, and that can be dangerous.

I found that a good boat beer should:
1. Be "light" and refreshing
2. Have a lower alcohol content than 6%.
3. NOT be a crappy Miller Lite style beer. Light beer does NOT mean crap!

I bought a six pack of both Samuel Adams Summer Ale and Cherry Wheat, to evaluate what the better summer boat beer is. Being a fan of the scientific method, I set up a control and variable experiment. The first step was to establish the control. So I drank one of each beer indoors, where there is air conditioning. On my next weekend, I will simulate being out in the boat by going out in the kayak. Ill launch from the causeway beaches near Key Biscayne and go fish for little grunt under the old bridge.

And I will test drink some beer, under controlled scientific conditions. The winner will be proclaimed to be "The Lazy Iguana's Official Beer of Summer 2006".

Results

My "Bug the IRS" link works! Here is what it just told me.

We have received your tax return and it is being processed. Unless we find mistakes or you owe other taxes, you should receive your refund by May 23, 2006.

So there. I should have my overpayment back in short order. I am thinking of using the money to invest in telescope futures.

Speaking of overpayments, I have an update with the ongoing WAR ON COMCAST! Comcast is my former cable company. On August 12, 2004 Hurricane Charlie hit Florida TWICE in the same day. The first landfall location was the Dry Tortugas (a group of islands 75 miles off the coast of Key West, consisting of a National Park and an old fort. Nobody lives there). 22 hours later on the same day it hit the Punta Gorda / Port Charlotte area.

Being the good citizen that I am (and not having a real job at the time) I quickly enlisted with the Red Cross and set off across the state in a 16 foot box truck. The Red Cross paid for the truck, but they needed slave drivers that would work for food.

But right before I left, lightning struck something near the house. The cable instantly went out, along with my VCR, a shortwave radio, and older laptop computer, and some other stuff. The strike was close. I figured out that the cable drop going to the house was toast.

While I was off being a person of good social responsibility, the EVIL MINION from Comcast came to the house and fed a line of bullshit to my mother about Dade County ordering the cable cut off because a leak was causing interference to air traffic control at Miami International Airport, and that she needed to PAY THE ASSHOLE a couple of hundred bucks to "re-do the cable run inside the house". I told her over the phone to do no such thing.

When I got home, I went to the cable company office and asked a twit working there if the county really ordered the cable cut off because of a leak causing problems for MIA. The woman said that it was true. At this point, I told her she was not only full of shit, but a liar to boot. The cable went off in a lightning storm - and I know for a fact that nobody is going to climb a utility pole in a storm. I wanted to know why I was being lied to, and when they were going to send out an honest technician who would replace the drop without trying to rip anyone off. I told them I plugged a small TV directly into the drop and the feed was shot - my inside wires were fine - and if they were fried as well I could replace them.

They said that I would have to pay a re-connect fee (insisting that they had disconnected the cable, not the bolt of lightning). So I told them to just cancel the service and I would go to Best Buy and buy DirecTV stuff. They told me that there would be a disconnect fee and there was a balance due. I asked why the disconnect fee? You already said you disconnected the cable! Another lie was exposed, and I pointed this out to the twit. On my way out of the office I warned some other people there to request digital cable service to just walk out now.

I had thought the war was over. But no. There was to be another battle, and another victory.

It seems that my dad had set up automatic bill payment for the cable service. So when I "fired" Comcast, they kept getting paid - while the service was "disconnected". And we also had the Comcast cable box. The DirecTV service was in my name.

Eventually, the bank payments stopped going to Comcast. But they had the money. Last week my dad got a letter from Comcast informing him that he owed $80 for the cable box he still had, and that Comcast had a $210 overpayment refund for him.

So today he goes back to the Evil Empire to do more battle. The twit working there again proved to be full of shit, and dumber than The President of the USA. They told him that he owed money for the cable box. But he had the box with him, which he gave to the twit. The twit then said "we have a $210 refund for you, which you will get in the mail". My dad pointed out that he should now get ALL the money back - which amounted to $290.

The twit was confused. So my dad pointed these things out.
1. The thing from Comcast said that they were going to refund him $210 but he owed $80 for the equipment.
2. If he returns the equipment, then he no longer owes $80.
3. Therefore the total refund due is $210 + $80.

Keep in mind that the bill he got from Comcast said that the $80 was already subtracted from the refund, and that the $210 was the remaining balance - AFTER 1.5 years have passed.

The twit insisted that her math was correct. So my dad asked for the box back. She gave it back.

OK, now I have the box, for which I owe you $80 for, right? Now I am going to give it back - therefore I no longer owe you anything right? Now what is my refund again?

The twit said "$210".

OK, so give me back the box. Now how much do you owe me?

The same thing sir, $210.

OK then! I think I will just keep the box. There is no incentive for me to give it back.

This was all too confusing for the twit, so the supervisor twit took over the battle line. My dad ran through the same thing. The supervisor twit said "well if you do not give back the box, you will not get the refund". The supervisor must have thought that they had dropped the atom bomb and ended the war. But the nuke was made in Korea and just like everything else made in Korea it failed to work properly. My dad pointed out that he was already paying $80 for the equipment, so there was no reason to keep the refund. If they wanted the box back, then they had to remove the $80 fee that was deducted from the refund. Otherwise, say good-bye to your precious box because I am going to the county dump when I leave this place.

Now they had a hostage situation to deal with.

Anyway, in the end Comcast got their box back, and my dad will get his full refund. He will not have to pay for equipment that was returned, nor will he have to pay for service that was not used. But he had to call the main office, then have the corporate office call the twits and explain simple things to them.

The war is over, and the evil was vanquished. The ring of power was thrown into the cracks of Mount Doom. All traces of Comcast's evil influence has left, banished to where it originated from. And the DirecTV dish I bolted onto the facia boards is still there, and still working. Even after Hurricane Katrina and Wilma.

Comcast can go sodomize itself with a corn cob. They suck to the 10th power, and I hope that the people responsible for the level of stupidity at the SW 117 ave office get massive, 4 foot long bleeding hemorrhoids - and that all the drug stores in a 50 mile radius run out of Preparation H.

Squeaky The Rat Says - FORK OVER MY CHEESE!

So you filed your taxes, and now you are sitting like a bird in the wilderness waiting for the IRS to pay you what it owes.

CLICK THIS LINK TO HARASS THE IRS ABOUT YOUR REFUND.

*** NOTE ***
The above link will not harass anyone at the IRS, but it will make you feel better. You can at least know if your stuff has been processed or not.

_{Squeaky, helping some union members get their cheese. HOORAY SQUEAKY!}

My Taxes

I did fairly good this year. Sort of. I paid a total of $1,895 in taxes (federal income tax, not counting social security and stuff), but my tax obligation was only $1,416. This gave me a "refund" of $479. Yea I know all about the time value of money, and that it is better to not withhold any money from your pay. You can put that money into a money market account and make 4% with an online bank.

But - I am too lazy. I would probably spend the money on gas for the boat, or maybe a cool widescreen 720p TV, or whatever. Then I would need to file for an extension or something unless I just wanted to cut a check for $1,416. So I just take the easy way out - I overpay and just take my refund. I like to fool myself by thinking very hard that the money is like a tax cut or something. It usually works. I check my bank account and its like POOF! Instant money. Which I then invest in beer futures.

I had three jobs last year. I worked for Dade County Public Schools, then over the summer I worked for Educate Inc (Sylvan Learning Center), and of course for Miami-Dade County (the County - not the school system).

I got my three W2 forms in February. So I did what every good tax paying American does. I loose the W2 forms for a month. After all - who the hell does their taxes that early? Nobody that's who! Nobody except for an AMERICA HATING COMMUNIST! Procrastination is the American Way. He who does not put things off is probably a terrorist.

So after loosing the W2 forms for a month, I find them. This reminded me that I had to do my taxes some time. So I put the forms away for a few more weeks. Then one weekend at work, it was a little slow. So I printed out a bunch of crap from the IRS website. I printed out some tax tables, and the 1040EZ form. Anything that ends in EZ cant be too hard to figure out right?

I figured out everything using the 1040EZ worksheet. Then I realized that the 1040EZ is a PDF file which I can fill out online and then print it out - so it looks all neat and stuff. So I did.

Then I put all this stuff away again. A few days later I remembered it again - so I put the 1040EZ and all three W2 in an envelope, addressed it to "The Bowels Of Hell, Atlanta Georgia" and put on a postage stamp upside down. I figured that the post office would just know that "The Bowels Of Hell" had to be the IRS office in Atlanta. Then I put the envelope in my vehicle because there is a post office in the building I work in.

Of course I forgot to take it in. So for a few days the stuff hung out in my vehicle.

Then last week - on a Tuesday I think - I remembered. So I drove to the post office (it was my day off) and stuck all that crap in the mail box. Then I went to the booze depot and got myself a bottle of 12 year old scotch that was on sale for $20. Then I drank some scotch with a friend of mine and ended up taking a little snooze on the front porch.

This is the pretty good part. I got my stuff off BEFORE the last day! Pretty slick!

So why did I not just file online? Too lazy. The free online tax software wants you to create a user account and answer all these questions and stuff. Hell, I am using the EZ form! I do not save receipts, I forget what crap I bought over the year, so I really can not claim anything beyond the standard deduction - which for me is $8,200. Yea I gave some cash to the USO, the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Amnesty International, and probably some other places - some of that may have been tax deductible. But then I would have to ask for canceled checks and that would require going to the bank, then I would have to save all this stuff for years in case some pinhead from the Bowels Of Hell ever asked any questions - and all this takes way too much effort. So no deductions other than the standard deduction.

I did give the IRS my bank account and bank routing number, so my refund can be e-deposited to my checking account. This way I do not have to go to the bank and use the ATM deposit thingie.

Paging Doctor Cruise

On the CNN website, you can view a short segment on Scientology and drugs. Scientologists are against all psychiatric drugs.

Due to the fact that most advocates of the cult are Hollywood lunatics, they are the default spokesperson. Dr. Tom Cruise even went on TV to bad mouth Brooke Shields for taking meds to deal with post-partum depression. Apparently, Mr. "jump the couch" has a better method for brain disorders. Here is some of what the good doctor said.

"When you talk about postpartum, you can take people today, women, and what
you do is you use vitamins. There is a hormonal thing that is going on,
scientifically, you can prove that. But when you talk about emotional, chemical
imbalances in people, there is no science behind that.
"You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things."

Did you get that? There is no scientific proof that there is such a thing as a chemical imbalance, and that vitamins can cure mental illness. Too bad Tom is not on these "vitamins". And what does this ass clown know of science anyway? He is walking proof that yes, you CAN HAVE a chemical imbalance.

So why is the cult so against psychiatrist? I decided to find out! And guess what I found? Lets start with some stuff from the official Scientology website.Convinced that man is only a body, psychology and psychiatry have forwarded the idea that there is no soul, merely a physical brain, an aggregation of tissue and nerve cells.

And since man no longer has a soul, he can be degraded still further through all manner of barbaric "treatments." In fact, the array of primitive methods dreamed up by "“modern" psychiatrists includes hypnotic drugs, lobotomies, electric shock and bolts to the brain while a person is drugged and comatose, each of which leaves a person little more than a vegetable.

This is what the cult still teaches. They also go on to attack early founders of the science of mental health, associating them with the Nazis and the Soviet Communists. True, the early science was what we would consider to be rather primitive today, but it was light years ahead of the "crazy people have evil spirits trapped in their skull, so you need to drill holes to allow the spirits to get out" treatments. The fact that Hitler and Stalin used some of the methods discovered by people like Pavlov does not mean Pavlov would have approved of such actions.

The fact is the electroshock treatment of today is a far cry from electroshock of the 40s. And lobotomies are almost never done, except under super extreme circumstances. The science of mental health has made massive strides forward. Electroshock used to be based on inflicting pain on people, now the voltage is a lot less and the frequency of the electricity is tuned for patients. If your brain is not producing theta waves for example, science can now replicate these waves in your brain - without any (or at least minimal) discomfort to the patient.

The fact is that L. Ron himself asked for mental health treatments after WWII - BEFORE he "discovered" Dianetics. His request to the VA was turned down (after the war, President Eisenhower made MASSIVE CUTS to the VA program - a trend which would continue for many decades). This was one of the worst things the U.S. Navy has done. Had they given the nut treatment, the world might be a better place today.

Anyhow, after his request was turned down his Scientology life began. Here are just some of the claims the man has made.

1. At age 3 he was "breaking" horses.
2. At age 6, he was made a "blood brother" to the Blackfeet Indian Tribe.
3. He obtained a degree in nuclear physics.
4. He is a war hero, with multiple purple hearts and other medals and honors.
5. Obtains fame as a writer in the pre-war years, using multiple pen names so as to not "cover too many magazine covers with the same name".

And so on. His "offical" biography reads like a bad work of fiction. If there was something that could be done, he did it.

But there is a problem. He never was a nuclear psysicist. He claims to have worked on the atom bomb, but according to his official biography at the time the bomb was created he was at sea in command of a naval vessel. And in all the photos of the Manhattan Project team - he must have been the guy taking the picture, because he is not in a single photo. He was never on the team.

And he was never a blood brother to the Blackfeet Tribe. And a 3 year old does not "break" a horse. And how about using multiple pen names? A lot of writers use pen names, but they usually stick to the same name once they become popular. You only change pen names IF you write something so terrible that nobody ever wants to read anything you wrote again. Records you can find yourself using Google that are from the Navy do not mention any medals or special honors.

Clearly, the man suffered from mental illness. Delusions of greatness. Paranoia. Multiple Personalities. Terrible science fiction writing.

And yet, for reasons not clear to me, people STILL get sucked in the cult. Are these people that get sucked in sane? It is no wonder that the cult wants people with mental illness to not take their meds, it keeps them in the cult.

What needs to be done is the entertainment media needs to stop feeding the insanity of the celebrities who are sucked into the cult. when Doctor Cruise decides to talk about how people need to not take medications, they need to just turn the cameras off - or challenge him to provide proof of his claims. Better yet, why have "entertainment media"? The news is supposed to be NEWS - not some crap.

The CNN piece stopped short of saying any of this stuff I have posted. Why? They do not want to piss off the idiots in the cult. They do not want the "church" to sue them. They did have a real doctor in the segment, but clearly they did a lot of editing.

After all, we would not want Tom Cruise, or any of the other famous Scientologists, to refuse to go on Larry King Live now world we?

The tragic part of all this is that Dr. Cruise is getting ready to be a baby daddy. The child has no chance of being normal. It will be born into the cult, raised by the cult, and turned into a basket case by the cult. This should be criminal.

And So It Begins

I knew this was going to happen.

Here I was, minding my own business on my Sunday (Wednesday for most people). It was getting to be 11:00 AM - still fairly early in the day, but not so early that I was not awake yet. I was 50% awake - my eyes were open and the TV was on, but I had not got up to take my morning wizz yet. I was just kind of hanging out with Cornelius the little cat. Cornelius wanted me to get up and feed him or something.

Anyway, the cell phone rings. I look at the phone and the screen says "WORK". Not being fully 100% awake, I answer the phone.

"Are you awake yet?" the voice on the other end of the line asks. I reply with "Mostly".

"Mostly awake? What does that mean?"

"It means I am awake, but I have not got up yet. I was thinking of getting up as soon as The Price Is Right is over. Can you believe that Bob Barker is not only still alive but still hosting that show!??!"

"Can you come in early tomorrow, at 8:00 AM? There is stuff to do at 8:30 and there is no A shift. I (the person on the phone talking to me) have to come in too because there are two assignments at 8:30".

"Well......OK I suppose I can be in the office at 8:00."

"You can leave early at 4:00 or stay till 7:30 and get some overtime".

"Ill bail out at 4 PM unless there is a reason to stay later."

"OK GOOD! See you tomorrow at 8 AM".

(thinking to myself) GOOD?!?! GOOD?!?! What the F is so "good" about this communist bullshit?

So I have the 8 - 4 shift tomorrow. THANKS RAY! You just had to bail off to some God-forsaken desert and leave your morning shift uncovered huh?

Well I have something to say about this. Acts of loyalty MUST BE REPAID! With leases for condos for example. The squeaky rat gets the cheese.

Easter (The Meaning Of)

It seems that it is almost Easter time again.

Now Easter is the most important time for Christianity. A lot happens at this time of year. There is Lent. There is Ash Wednesday. Good Friday. Easter Sunday. And in Canada there is even Easter Monday. And how can I forget Palm Sunday? Shame on me.

Jewish holidays often last over several days. Christianity has its roots deep Judisiam. Somewhere along the way, the idea of a holiday lasting several days got lost. Except for Easter.

Of course there is a reason why Easter takes up so many days. It is the most important holiday in Christianity. Without the whole "he died for the sins of man" Christianity would not be here.

So what does all this mean to me? Not a whole lot to be honest. I am not going to any sunrise service, I do not smear ash on my forehead, and I will probably eat red meat on Friday. I have to go to work on Easter Sunday, just as I have to go to work every Sunday.

QUESTION TIME! I do not get all the pagentry surrounding Easter. Of course I was not raised Catholic. So I never had to do the whole "40 days of lent" thing, and I was in my 20s when I first saw someone with ash smeared on their forehead. I could also eat meat on Friday if I wanted to.

My queston is does the bible actually say "smear ashes on your forehead on Ash Wednesday", "only eat fish on Friday", and "give stuff up for 40 days before Easter" - or was this stuff made up at some point by a long dead Pope?

Back to my main point. The meaning of Easter. And here it is!

The Cadbury Creme Egg candy. You can only get this item one time per year, so stock up! Once they are gone you have to wait another year to get more. I do not really like Peeps anymore, but when I was a kid I thought they were great.

And of course, on Fox they are at it again. Remember the "War on Christmas" by pagens like myself who are all Santa this and Christmas Tree that. Now the main bitch is that the evil forces of secularism is all Easter Bunny this and candy egg that. Yes, there is a "war on Easter".

To this I respond with a question. Who first associated these pagen symbols with a Christian Holiday? Why, the early church did! There is tons of evidence that the early church simply replaced pagen holidays with Christian ones. Christmas replaced the winter solstice festivals. The practice of worshiping evergreen trees turned into the "tradition" of a Christmas Tree. Pagen symbols of fertility became the "secular" Easter symbols we know today. Therefore one must conclude that the "war" was started by the church itself - on itself. Pagens did not decide to replace their festivals with some other religion, it was the church that had that idea. It was a great marketing strategy, it made spreading the new religion fairly easy. Keep all the same symbols and simply tweak the message a little bit.

Now for the million dollar question that you have all been waiting for!!!!

IF Easter is so important to Christianity, and Easter always falls the same time as Passover (the Last Supper WAS a Sader after all) - why is it that I do not get any paid holiday time? Flag Day is a paid holiday. Colombus Day is a paid holiday.

But for Easter / Passover time - no holiday time is granted. Does this make any sense to anyone? I think that I should be granted holiday time for at least one of these important days. I will give Flag Day back to my employer.

Raymond Of Arabia

I have noticed something. Ratings for my blog, measured by comments, takes a major nosedive when I go off onto news type rantings. So for today I will change the pace a little bit.

A co-worker of mine is going off to Iraq to work for KBR. So what does this mean? A few things. Without Ray in the office things will not be the same.

1. Ray likes the A shift which operates from 0400 - 1200. With one less person working the 4 AM shift, there will be days when the A shift is short. Thursday nobody has the A shift as the boss granted leave to someone before it was known that someone was going to Iraq. I already called "NOT IT". Overtime is always good, but having to be at work at 4 AM sucks. Thr good of the overtime is nullified by the suckiness of having to be somewhere, sober and wearing a suit, at 4 AM.

2. There will be an opening in my office. This means I move up one slot in the bidding pecking order. Now when I bid for a shift I get to choose from three options!

3. I called "dibs" on the outgoing person's desk calendar and laser printer.

Oh yea, this is just creepy. During the whole "Mohammad cartoon" thing I did a little Googling. I found this image.

Click the image for a larger view.

Note that I can show this image without pissing off any Islamic fundies - unless of course you think that Mohammad looked like a British dude. The book the image is in was published in 1715. The sort of creepy part? If you take my co-worker who is going off to work in Iraq and put a towel on his head - he looks a whole lot like the guy in the book. A WHOLE LOT. Fairly creepy huh?

And now for the best part of this whole thing. The dude has a fat sweet condo in Sunny Isles. The condo has 2 rooms and is on the TOP FLOOR - so in theory it is a penthouse. The building is only 6 floors, so it is not like a penthouse on the 30th floor of a building on Brickell Avenue - but work with me here.

Come August, there is a chance that the place will be empty. The person who is renting it now may get the boot because of damage that has been done to the place.

I called "dibs" on the lease. Cool huh? Yea, I will be the only person in the condo that did not go to High School with Moses (LOTS of old folks in Sunny Isles) but what the hell. I will be on the top floor so all the noise from my "wild parties" that last till 9 PM will just escape into the atmosphere. I will also start a condo program to collect the batteries from hearing aides.

My co-worker entered a condo lottery when they built a dock behind the building. Oh did I forget to mention that the building overlooks the intracostal waterway? Drat! I knew I was leaving something out. Behind the building is the pool and stuff, and then there is a seawall - and then there is the ocean.

Anyway - he won space on the dock. So this means there is a place to tie off a boat. A private place to tie off a boat. I can pimp that space off to reduce the amount of rent I have to pay, OR I can use it myself.

If by some chance I can score a lease on the place Ill put the pictures here.

Venezuela

Forget Iran or any other place in the Middle East, and keep your eye on Venezuela.

The US Ambassador 's motorcade was attacked in Caracas by an egg tossing mob on motorcycles. The mob also pelted the Ambassador's car with onions and tomatos. And the local police did nothing to stop it. This is a violation of the Vienna Convention. What makes it worse is that it seems the government in Venezuela was behind the attack.

From what I understand about it, the Vienna Convention spells out the international rules for how a host country treats visiting diplomats AND diplomatic materials. Things like diplomatic immunity from laws (so that a government can not just decide to "arrest" another nation's diplomats for political reasons). Diplomatic bags passing through the USA are not subject to security screening - as long as they carry a diplomatic seal and the courier is registered with the State Department and is carrying the necessary paperwork from an embassy.

Overseas, US Diplomats and diplomatic materials are treated the same way as stuff is treated here.

So the pelting of a US Ambassador's car in Caracas is a bigger deal than it seems. The police escort should have done something about it - but they did nothing. The motorcade was followed for several miles and nothing was done.

However, if the Ambassador from Venezuela in Washington DC had his motorcade attacked by a mob armed with eggs, do you think that the Secret Service, the US Department of State Diplomatic Security, or the Capitol Police would have not reacted? Of course they would react. Not more than one egg would be thrown before the agency in charge of security took action.

The rift between Hugo Chavez and the USA has now gone beyond words and entered the world of actions. The next step will be the recall of Embassy staff by Washington DC and the expellation of Venezuela's diplomats in the USA. No doubt Venezuela then make good on its threat to cancel all flights by US airlines into Caracas, which will cause the FAA to bar any Venezuelan flights from landing at US airports. Military flights, which are currently allowed will probably also be halted by both sides.

Most Americans will respond with "who gives a crap about that place - we do not need them". But there is one problem. We DO need one important export from Venezuela. Oil. Venezuela has the largest oil reserves outside of the Middle East.

I clearly remember in the mid 1990's paying UNDER A DOLLAR for a gallon of gas. This was due to Venezuela. In 1995 Chavez was not the President yet, and the Clinton Administration was supporting the regime in power. In return we got very cheap oil. Chavez took power in 1999. Among the first actions he took was to reduce oil output to make more money off the black stuff. He got OPEC to go along with him.

In 2004, the USA imported 1,297 thousand barrels of oil a day from Venezuela - making the South American nation the #4 exporter to the USA.

If this riff extends far enough to include Chavez cutting off the supply - expect to see American Military in Venezuela. Of course for humanitarian reasons and to restore democracy. Chavez does have political prisions and he re-writes the constitution of the nation whenever he needs to.

Kathrine Harris Update

The race for one of Floirda's US Senate seats has taken quite a turn.

Click HERE for the Miami Herald article.

A few weeks ago, one Kathrine Harris - the Floirda Elections Stupidvisor in 2000, pledged $10 million of her own money towards her campaign. Sounds fairly simple huh?

Then the questions came. Exactly where was this $10 million going to come from? The magical money tree? Crooked lobbiests? Her side job as a roofer?

First she said it was from an inheritance. Then later she said she sold some stuff on E-Bay. And what did she do in the end? Quietly placed a measly $3 million into her campaign. By my math, this is still $7 million less than what she said she would kick in.

But the questions and changing answers about where the money from was not all the credibility problems Harris has had. Her staff pulled A mutiny, and she has recieved tepid at best support from her own party. Governor Jeb, who appointed her Elections Supervisor, has made public statements expressing his concern about her campaign.

But what about the $3 million of her own money she has put in? This is what republican pollster Kellyanne Conway has to say.

"You'd be hard pressed to find any other Republican candidate -- especially one who invests $3 million -- who receives such scrutiny,'' she said. ``If the $3 million is a down payment toward $10 million, she's like any other good investor.''

What? Down payment? Investor? I think this slip up says it all, and pretty much PROVES what I said about Harris before. She intends to BUY this election.

After all, when you make an investment do you not expect to obtain some kind of return? When you invest $3 million as a down payment, and you intend to "invest" another $7 million - exactly what kind of return do you expect? 10% return? 15% return? 5% return? And how does one make a return on investment of 10% on $10 million when the thing you are "investing" in ONLY pays $165,200 for 6 years? That is $991,200 for a term. You would need to serve 10 terms to break even! That works out to 60 YEARS as a Senator - to break even.

In otherwords, her return on investment is a negative number. Because if you were to take that same $10 million and just stick it into a money market account paying 3% per year for 60 years, you would have more money than if you were to serve 20 terms in the Senate.

So exactly how will Harris get back her "investment" and realize a return by being a Senator? Without taking bribes and dealing in under the table deals, there is no way she can even break even. And while Harris is not poor, I do not think she is so rich that she could misplace $10 million and not even notice it. And even if she only puts in the $3 million, it will still take 3.026 terms - 18.15 years - to break even.

All this makes me wonder just what kind of "investment" is being made here. And what exactly the payoff (for her) will be. Power? Money? Both? Who knows.

Extra Absorbant Depends - They Stop Leaks.

Someone needs to buy a whole lot of Depends diapers for adults for a whole lot of people in Washington DC.

No, they have not emptied out Century Village of Pembroke Pines (just how old are the people that live in a place called "Century Village"? Lets just say the residents personally knew Moses and Chuck Zink made commercials for the place. If you are 90 years old and you live there, your neighbors will complain about your loud music and wild parties lasting well into the night. They will remove their teeth, put them into the glass of water with the Efferdent and say to you "HEY YOU! Turn down that ragtime music! Don't you know it is 4:00 PM? Matlock is on the picture box!"

OOPS! I lost my focus again. This happens a lot. But you probably know this if you read this blog often. I sidetrack myself all the time. This post is NOT about Century Village on spinach boiled in prune juice night. Now there is a disturbing thought!

I remember The President once saying that he would fire anyone working for him that was found to have leaked classified information. Personally, I think this did not go far enough. People that leak classified information should face criminal charges - not just get fired. This is some serious stuff. If you think you can not refrain from talking about classified information, you should not read it. You should tell whoever else is in the room that you must excuse yourself, because you feel you might not be able to keep the info to yourself. Some people DO have issues with talking in their sleep for example. This does NOT make you a bad person, but it does make you a security risk.

But today, all over the news, the story is out. It seems that a former aide to the Vice President, Lewis "Scooter" Libby, told prosecutors that The President himself authorized him to disclose the identity of a CIA agent to Robert Novack. Reports from the courtroom detail that according to Mr. Libby, Vice President Cheney told the super ethical "Scooter" Libby that his concerns about disclosing the identity of the CIA agent was OK because Bush had authorized it.

Now I have a few problems with this. The statement, as I heard it reported, made it seem like "Scooter" is an ethical giant. His super ethical brain could just not allow his ethical mouth to utter the unethical words that would disclose classified information to the press.

And if you believe "Scooter", I have some lovely swampland prime real estate in Florida for sale. Not that I do not believe that Bush could have authorized the leak of classified information as a form of political payback, what I do not buy is that Libby had any concerns AT ALL with leaking. He is in "cover your ass" mode and must think that if he is going down, he might was well use the people that caused his downfall to cushion his fall.

Then again, it could all be just a lie to cover his ass. It IS possible that the President did not authorize anything.

However, here is what we do know. Bush seems to like to issue executive orders to do al kinds of questionable things. One exampe are the secret jails. Another example is the violation of the FISA law. And so on. Authorizing the leaking of a CIA agents name to discredit someone with credible evidence that was contrary to Bush's case for war is not something it takes a great deal of grasping at conspiricy theories to believe.

But I have also heard an interesting twist to excuse the President from any possible wrongdoing. Get ready for this one - it is great.

The President CAN NOT leak classified information, because the President has the ability to de-classify anything. Now how about that? If the President tells you that you can talk about what is really in Area 51, you can do so. If the President says you can talk about top secret military projects, you can do it. As long as the President authorizes you to say something, ANYTHING, that information is instantly de-classified and is therefore OK to openly discuss.

The fallout of this will be fun to watch. The leader of the party that likes to claim that it is the only party to understand the importance of national security may be the same guy who is leaking classified information for political gain. And if this is true, then the claim that "we thought out intel on Iraq was correct" is pretty much exposed as a lie. All this stuff makes Watergate look like a simple Tupperware Party - and Watergate took down Nixon. I can not wait to hear the spin put on this one.

USCG Eagle

Yet another opportunity lies in my path.

A few months ago I submitted my security application to join the United States Coast Guard Auxiliary. My approval should be in soon.

The Auxiliary is a civilian volunteer branch of the Coast Guard. The Auxiliary does stuff like public education (boating safety classes), vessel safety examinations, patrols, and can even fill in for enlisted Coasties doing stuff like radio watchstanding. The only missions that auxiliary members can not do are law enforcement or military missions. Every other mission is fair game.

And of course, being a civilian and a volunteer, I only get "orders" that I accept - as opposed to just getting orders and having to follow them. The orders are only a fomality, as if I am asked to do something I can always say "You know what? I do not want to do that. I am going off for a beer now". When you are enlisted you can not do this.

So today at my flotilla meeting one of the guys brought up the US Coast Guard Cutter Eagle. This is a picture of the Eagle.

The Eagle is a training ship, and the ambassador ship of the fleet. The USCGC Eagle (ex Horst Wessel) is a three masted barque serving as a school ship for the United States Coast Guard. Home ported at the United States Coast Guard Academy in New London, Connecticut, she is one of the sister ships of the Gorch Fock.

The ship was built in 1936 in Germany. During WWII it was used as a cargo ship in the Baltic Sea. After the war it was sailed to the USA because we won WWII - and when you win a war you get to take stuff. The Coast Guard was given the ship, and it is still in use today.

The ship is used as a training ship, and she is one of the last Barques floating.

Here is the cool part. The Coast Guard uses members of the Auxiliary onboard the Eagle to help train Coast Guard Cadets. Once I am crew qualified, I can volunteer for two weeks aboard the Eagle.

Me. Onboard a real Barque! A grand sailing ship, out in the open sea. The two week stint will not really go anywhere, just up the East Coast of the USA. There are longer voyages to Europe, but I would imagine that it would take longer than 2 weeks to cross the Atlantic under sail power.

But hey - if I can rack away enough leave time from work, and they would let my ass be part of the crew that sailed on the Eagle from the USA to England, I would so do this. No thinking about it would be required. I would just get the time off and GO!

I would get a peg leg, and eye patch, a parrot, and a cool hat before I left.

Prospecting

Not that I do not like my job, but one must always be on the lookout for chances to move on.

Of course I like the job I have now. And I am doing my job well, the evaluation I just had was very good. I get along with my co-workers, the boss, and most of the people my department has daily business with.

But still - one must at least keep an eye open for chances to move on. It does not mean you will, it just means you are keeping track of what is going on.

So right now there are two such prospects that I might be able to act on. Both of them would take me out of Miami - and one would take me out of the USA. I will start with the one that would mean leaving the USA for.

One of my co-workers is leaving to work at BGW or SDA. I forget which. When he first mentioned this, I thought he was full of shit. He is not. He is serious. It was not an April 1st joke.
BGW is also known as Al Muthana and SDA is Baghdad International. There are other jobs available, and with someone who knows me already on the inside I might be able to snag a spot. If I went I would have to live in the airport, as leaving the place is just too dangerous. I would not take any position for less than $175,000 a year - and even then it would be easy to turn it down.

The other possibility is a little more sane. If it works out, I would move to Las Vegas and work out of the airport there. I would not be doing exactly what I do now, but close. I would not be working for the government, but for a casino. If this ends up a reality, I would have to pack up everything into my truck and move out west. It would be a long ass drive with 4 meowing cats and one big ass lizard (spaz the iguana escaped a while ago). I might have to give the parents a little going away "present" and only take one or two of the cats - or leave em here and move em in later. If I only take one it will be Cornelius - he likes me the best (and is terrified of everyone else for some reason). After that the "take with me" cat list is Fred, Gigi, and last Sake. Sake really does not like people in general. She just tolerates people because they feed her.

Either way, I would have to leave Miami. That is IF any of this happens. There is a good chance none of it will happen, but it could. Maybe. The Vegas hookup would be, BY FAR, my first choice.

Who Was The Genius Behind This Idea?

Who decided to screw with the clocks? More importantly, WHY did someone decide to screw with the clocks?

This time of year, everyone turns their clock forward one hour. Why? Well because everyone else is doing it. And why does everyone else do it??

As far as I can tell, everyone turns their clocks forward because some jackass on TV tells them to. So like good sheep, we all say "OK man on the TV! We shall turn our clocks forward just like you said! Please tell us what else we should do!"

This is just insane. It does not make the day any longer, the sun still rises and sets based on the rotational speed and tilt of the Earth. Yet, far too many people try to explain to me how the day is longer - all because millions of people mess with a clock.

Now I know what you are thinking. What about the farmers? To that I say "Good question! What about the farmers? Are you one? Do you know one? Do you know anyone who has a brother who has a friend whose cousion said that he dated a girl who knew a guy who has a sister that married a farmer?

Very few people today are farmers. And if a farmer wants to get up early - hey this is a free country! Nobody is going to stop them.

But I like to drive home in the daylight you say. OK, fine. It just so happens that during the summer, the sun is in the sky for longer periods of time - thanks to the tilt of the Earth. Once again, there is no need to screw with my clock.

What we need is a people's revolution. REFUSE to mess with your clock. For this revolution to work, EVERYONE has to do it. Or at least 90% of the workforce. When you arrive to work - at the CORRECT TIME - announce that as you walk in. Say "All you idiots who wanted to show up one hour early - I hope you realize you will not be paid for it".

If some jerk wants to tell you that your late - laugh at them. Say "what, just because you are insane and decided to set your clock forward one hour you think everyone should do it? What is that communist crap!?!?

And if enough people did this, it would end the daylight savings time madness. If everyone just leaves the clocks alone, the idea will die out quickly. And the Earth will continue to rotate and revolve around the sun.

Time To Play....SMELL THE BULLSHIT!

Thats right folks! It is time for another (actually the first ever) game of Smell The Bullshit!

The rules are simple. I list some "facts" and you get to guess what "facts" are really total bullshit. If you guess correctly, you win fabulous prizes and a chance to go to the bonus round where you could win first class round trip tickets on American Airlines to ANY location in the USA - including Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, or the American Virgin Islands.

See that was bullshit. You will not win squat. Now you understand how the game works.

OK Now it is time to play! Here are a list of facts, some of which are real and at least one I will simply make up! Ready! LETS PLAY!!

1. In the last State Of The Union Speech, President Bush said Americans should try to conserve energy, including gas. He said that "America is addicted to oil".

2. Oil companies often have ads claiming that they care about the environment, and that reducing carbon emissions is a top concern for them.

3. Under inflated car tires can reduce fuel economy by as much as 6%.

4. Air at gas stations is free.

Can you smell the bullshit? Guess NOW!!!
Click HERE to hear some THINKING MUSIC.

OK time is up! The bullshit is....FACT 4! Fact 2 is ALMOST bullshit, but if you will notice how I worded that one. Oil companies CLAIM that they care. And they do make such claims. But they do not back it up.

But fact 4 is total bullshit. Gas stations, at least the ones in Miami, do not offer free air anymore. Nevermind that underinflated tires CAN blow out and cause a horrible accident. Forget the fact that underinflated tires cause your car to consume more fuel per mile. And do not even try to bring up the fact that underinflated tires wear up to 25% faster then properly inflated tires.

So clearly gas stations that do not provide free air as a service to drivers do NOT care about all of the above. Who cares that people use up more gas? That means they will have to buy more sooner. Who cares if tires wear faster? Once again, it means people will have to buy more tires sooner. This is good for profits! To hell with the little problem that tires can not be recycled, and that the world is pretty much at peak rubber production. And if a blowout causes an accident that kills a few people, and snares traffic for hours while the police mop up the mess - it means people will have to buy more gas again!

I think that gas stations that DO NOT provide air should be shut down and the owners charged with TREASON TO THE UNITED STATES. Thats right - treason.

Why treason? Lets see here. There is a little war going on right now, and lets not dance around issues here - the war is at least partly because of oil. You can believe in the WMDs if you want, and you can believe that waving a magic wand over a nation can instantly produce a
democracy - but you can not say that oil is not also a reason for this war.

So we have U.S Military, Iraqi civillians, and the "insurgents" all getting killed half way around the world in part because of oil. And OPEC nations have the USA by the short and curlies because they control the oil we need. Meanwhile, gas stations do not do all they can to help reduce this.

Sounds like treason to me! Come on - we are talking about an air pump! Air is free! So what is the big deal? This is the electronic age - check cards, pre-paid tolls, hell I can even use my check card at a parking meter! So what if I do not have the two quarters to turn on the air pump? Just burn up 5% more gas than I need to? Risk having a nasty blowout and causing a horrible accident? Wear my tires faster?

Treason I say!