Day Number 1.

So today was day 1 of 4 days off! This is the most time off I have taken since I got the airport job - which by the way is almost one year ago.

I had big plans for today. I was going to clean out my truck, go to the dealership, and find out the details involved in getting a transmission cooler installed.

But - I got lazy. I turned off my alarm cell phone and went back to sleep this morning. There was no cleaning of the truck. There was no going to the dealership. There was nothing of anything.

Yea, I got lazy. I could have done a bunch of stuff - but I did not. What was the point?!?!?!

Tomorrow I might clean out my truck. Maybe. I might also go find out about the transmission cooler. I need the transmission cooler - it will extend the life of my transmission, which will safe me money in the long run. It will also help when I tow the boat.

Speaking of the boat - I have not been using the darn thing! So I might do so Monday. If the weather is going to be decent that is. I would go tomorrow but why bother. I do not feel like it.

So that is it! On day 1 of my 4 day weekend I elected to do not a damn thing.

Time Management.

First, the photos of Sake! Sake got a hair cut the other day. Now she hates me. She HATES for anyone to mess with her now - her skin must be sensitive or something with no hair covering it.

Anyway, this is what she looked like BEFORE.

Notice the look. That is her "I do not want to rip your face off" look. This is her "What the hell is that thing you are holding, and WHY is it pointed at me?" look. She is not exactly easy to photograph.

And this is what she looks like now.

Notice how "the look" has changed. I will not go to sleep unless my door is shut and I know she is not in the room. I am glad they left her tail alone, she would look like a possum if that were shaved as well.

Both these images are clickable and will link to a larger photo.

Anyhow - what I REALLY want to talk brag about is my FOUR DAY WEEKEND! Yes that is right - FOUR DAY WEEKEND! I can get A LOT of laziness done over these four days. I have a bunch of beers, but I have not had any time to drink them. They have been multiplying in my fridge. Just because I do not have time to drink them does not mean that when I go to the store I do not buy any!

Here is how I managed to get the four day weekend to happen - without taking ANY of my annual leave time! Take notes, for there WILL be a quiz later.

First, I had to start with my regular days off - which are Sunday and Monday. The coordinator/lead protocol officer needed Monday off to go to New York. So I traded her last Monday off in exchange for this Saturday. This way everyone gets their days off, there is no overtime because all shifts have normal coverage, and nobody has to use any sick or leave time.

The County, being an EXCELLENT employer (the BEST EMPLOYER ever in the history of jobs) gives me all the regular holidays off, PLUS TWO! My birthday and a "floating" holiday. I can use the two bonus holidays whenever I want, but they expire if I do not use them. The birthday holiday expires 6 months after your birthday, the floating holiday expires with the close of the fiscal year.

So tomorrow I am using my birthday holiday. Almost 6 months AFTER my actual birthday, but that is OK. With my regular days off, plus my Saturday off by a trade, plus my birthday holiday on Friday I get a whole, whopping, massive, PHAT, 4 day weekend. And I do not use a single hour of my "real" holiday time. Sweet huh! Yes, civil service has its advantages!

I am going to use my floating holiday for the cruise to Mexico. See how that works out? Floating holiday? I will be on a boat? What better way to use up this day.

Now if you will excuse me, my four day weekend is starting. The Sierra Nevada Pale Ale should have warmed up a bit, and is probably close to optimum drinking temperature right about......wait for it......wait for it.....almost there........any second now.......and........NOW!

Selective Privacy.

I remember when the Patriot Act version 1 was passed. Version 1 of the act had ALL the good stuff in it. Police power was significantly expanded. Warrants? Do not need them anymore! Warrants and the court system was just going to help the terrorists!

All that was needed was a "request" from any federal agency - no reason was needed. And there could be no oversight - because after all this power would NEVER be abused! Oh no!

Of course, groups like the ACLU complained. The complaints were all the usual liberal things that only hurt the ability of the government to prevent more terrorism in America.

The conservative talking heads all said the same thing. It did not matter if they were on the TV or the radio. "If you are not a terrorist, you have nothing to hide!" So what was the big deal here? The only privacy being invaded was that of any terrorist! They welcomed the government to monitor them! After all - they are the REAL Americans - those who love America and have nothing to hide! Giving up a little bit of privacy is well worth not being blown up by the next terrorist car bomb! Only the ACLU would DARE place privacy concerns before security concerns!

Then the one and only Rush Limbaugh got busted. His private jet landed at West Palm Beach airport from the Dominican Republic, and then CBP agents did a routine bag check they found some blue pill.

Viagra. Apparently, Rush can not get it up without drugs. What a creepy thought huh? Rush with boner pills? If I were a woman, I would run FAR AWAY.

Anyway, this is not really a problem. After all, Viagra is legal so long as you have a prescription. And here is the problem - the prescription was not in Rush's name. The pills were scripted to Rush's doctor. Customs And Border Protection confiscated the pills. Law enforcement is yet to decide to press charges or not.

And why would such an upstanding citizen carry drugs that are NOT explicitly prescribed to him? Get this - "privacy concerns".

So NOW privacy is important huh Rush? When Bush is trying to pass laws that expand government powers to spy on people, privacy is NOT a concern. When Bush is engaged in secret programs to monitor the population, privacy is not a concern. When the power of the executive branch is doing EVERYTHING it can to grab more power for itself, it is not a problem.

But getting boner pills in your name - WHY THAT GOES TOO FAR! You have to draw the line somewhere huh?

I hope the State goes for blood on this one. I would like to see the deal cut with the State over the "doctor shopping" charge revoked. Arrest his ass. Put his ass on trial.

After all, the ONLY REASON the man must want his privacy is because he has something to hide! Something other than a boner problem that is! He should WANT to share this information! He should be HAPPY to have the prescription in his name, so that authorities can check to see what is in his medicine cabinet!

Remember - he said HIMSELF that only terrorists have something to hide. And he was trying to hide something! By his own words he should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

The Burning Question.

First - I want to announce that I discovered the success behind Starbucks. They make coffee for people that do not like coffee. Pure genius really. It is a "coffee house", but have you ever tried to get a plain old cup of coffee there? The minimum wage flunkie will stare at you like you have a second head growing from your neck. But order a "White Chocolate Mocha" - NO PROBLEM! Is this "coffee"? Not really. But they sell a lot of the stuff. To find another coffee house that sells LESS coffee than Starbucks you have to go to Amsterdam.

But back to the burning question. Republicans want to push for a Constitutional Amendment to ban flag burning.

It is about time! Why just today I had to drive around no fewer than 50 separate groups of people standing in the street burning the flag. It is really getting to be a huge problem. I was late to work and everything! And all those burning fragments floating around in the air set the bed of my truck on fire - AGAIN!

Oh wait, none of those things actually happened. But they could have happened! And this is why we need an anti-flag burning amendment!

No wait some more! - we do not need one. This nation has survived all this time without one. It survived the War for independence. And the Civil War. And WWI. And WWII. I think we can survive a few random people burning a piece of cloth. Chances are that "cloth" is actually nylon or polyester - made from Saudi Oil and stiched in China.

Who are these neo-cons trying to fool? And why do they want to amend the Constitution so bad? If the Constitution so flawed that it NEEDS more amendments? I do not think so. But they do.

So what political lesson did we all learn today? When you usurp a party and skew its platform FAR to one direction or the other - resist the urge to crown a mouth breather and anoint him leader. For when you do - and he turns out to be a mouth breather - you risk watching all your hard work going up in smoke. Bush will spell the END of the neo-conservative movement. All that hard work by the "moral majority" (which are neither moral OR the majority), all those years of work, all gone.

These anti-flag burning and anti-gay marriage amendment attempts are the actions of a political movement in its death throws.

My Mission Today.

Today was my day off. I have to work Monday, I traded my "Sunday" for a REAL DAY OFF - next Saturday!!!

But enough of that - I will get back to that later. Right now I want to get to my mission for the day.

DO NOT SPEND ANY MONEY. That was my mission. Pretty easy huh? All I have to do is...well...be lazy! And not spend any money.

Well it rained today, so I figured that it would be EASY to not spend any money. Food for Max The Lizard did not count as "spending money".

Anyhow I almost made it. At around 9 PM I remembered I had to go to the supermarket for a few things. $80 later, I left. Oh well. Better luck next mission. By the way, I did not buy ANY food. Just stuff - some for the office and some for home.

Anyway, back to the weekend stuff. I work tomorrow for one of my co-workers. In return, she works for me on Saturday (the "supervisor" gets Saturday and Sunday off).

And my regular days off are STILL Sunday and Monday. So lets do some math here! 2 + 1 = 3! See how easy that was?

Next weekend, I get THREE days off. In a row. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. And Tuesday I do not have to be at work till 3 PM! And I do not have to take a single day of annual, sick, or vacation time! I did this by trade alone.

Of course, I like finding ways to exploit the system. It is one of my hobbies. So once the three day weekend was secured, the gears started to turn inside my brain.

In addition to sick and annual leave, I also get all the Federal Holidays. I can choose to bank these days (up to 180 hours I think) OR I can cash them out as I get them. I choose to bank them. In addition to these days (Veteran's Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, Christmas, Thanksgiving Day, Day After Thanksgiving Day, Colombus Day, etc) I also get two BONUS days that I can use whenever I feel like it. My birthday and a "floating" holiday. Here is how they work.

On my birthday, my birthday holiday is available. I have to use it in 6 months OR LOOSE IT! After I use my birthday holiday, I have another 6 months to USE my floating holiday - OR LOOSE IT! They can not be banked.

So Friday I will use my birthday holiday. This will add another day to my three day weekend! A FOUR DAY WEEKEND! And I do not have to use ANY of my "real" vacation time. My birthday holiday expires July 11. I will use my "floating" holiday to go out in my boat.

And it is POSSIBLE....just POSSIBLE....that at sometime in the near future.....like March or April 2007....that I MIGHT GO to Austria. Salzburg, Austria. I need a Mozart Moment. And also the Czech Republic, to Prague. And while I MIGHT be way the hell over there, Poland. I could use the Schiphol Airport, and then catch the train.

Friday Night.

So - it is Friday night. I just got paid. Clearly there is only one thing to do! And this leads to today's THEME SONG!

HA! Bet you were thinking of that Cat Stevens song! Fooled you! The Cat Stevens song is about SATURDAY NIGHT - not Friday night. I would post a link to the Cat Stevens song, but he is on the terror watch list. Really - he is! He was sent back home to the terrorist haven of the United Kingdom when he dared try to enter New York. That will show him about converting to Islam! And I feel a lot safer.

Speaking of safer, you must have heard about the inept "terrorists" captured in Miami. Don't you feel safer now?! As I posted in a comment on Saur's Blog those guys could not blow up a frog if I gave them a M-80 and a match. Wearing ninja costumes and guarding a warehouse - not exactly a good way to keep a low profile. Lets all hope that the real terrorist are as dumb. But no matter HOW you look at it, we are all better off with those guys locked up. I doubt they were contributing to society. Planning to blow up buildings is not acceptable. Not having the means to do so does not make it better.

But back to the THEME SONG! Fred "Fat Ass" and myself are here having a TV Party. Just like in the song! Only "That's Incredible" is not on the air anymore. I used to LOVE that show. I would watch it all the time. By the way, Fat Ass weighs 17 pounds. For a cat, he is almost like Jabba The Hut. He IS Jabba The Cat! I have NEVER had such a fat cat before. All my other cats I could leave food out all the time, and they never got fat. If I leave food out now Fat Fred eats it all. He is like a furry basketball with legs. And he shits massive piles. For a cat that is.

The last time the vet weighed him he was 7 pounds. That was a little over 1 year ago. At this rate, he will weigh more than the chocolate lab weighed before she croaked in another 5 years.

That is pretty much it! It is Friday night, I just got paid - and the best thing I can come up with to do is watch TV with a fat ass orange cat who will bite me if I try to move him once he decides where he wants to chill.

Of course, I DO have to work tomorrow - so it is really more like Thursday night. And this way I do not spend any money - allowing me to spend it later. My cruise gambling and drinking budget just went up! See how that works? And I still have two or three beers left, so it is not a total wash. I might just run out before I go to sleep.

And I can leave my beer unguarded. Fat Fred *WILL* steal my food - but he never steals my beer. Its a guy thing . In the guy code, beer theft is the most heinous of all crimes. You can steal my food. You can steal my tools. You can steal my x-girlfriend. You can screw with me by hiding the bolts as I take something apart in my boat. But you BETTER NOT F with my beer! Ill report you to the guy police and take you to guy court.

Fred may be a cat, but he understands the code. And he needs to loose at least 7 pounds.

Minimum Wage In America

An honest days pay for an honest days work. That is supposed to be how it works. In theory.

The federal minimum wage has been locked at $5.15 an hour for years now. Congress has raised their pay several times in this period. $5.15 an hour full time works out to peanuts. You might be able to afford a pair of shoes. Where I live (Miami FL) you could not even afford to rent a cardboard box under the I-95 overpass downtown.

Did I mention congress has raised their pay several times since the last minimum wage raise? Of course congress does important stuff like start wars, raise taxes, and create more laws that you better follow or else go to jail - while minimum wage workers do the unimportant stuff like handle your food.

The republican held congress totally rejected the proposed increase. They get to pick the agenda, and said that under no circumstances would any bill to raise the federal minimum wage even be considered. Democrats were able to sneak the most recent vote in by trying to tack the wage increase onto a defense spending bill.

And while the republicans totally control 100% of the agenda, including but not limited to what bills will be considered for a vote - they all say "democrats have no ideas. What legislation have they passed since 2000?" Well duh! NONE! Because no matter what they come up with, the committees are all held by republicans who will just table whatever they do not like.

This is why we need a STRONG third or even fourth party. To prevent this communist crap. With 4 parties, it would be harder for any one party to overpower the system. Right now ALL THREE branches of government are of the same party. We witnessed a bloodless coup. There is no separation of powers any more.

Anyway, why the hate over the minimum wage? Some republican from the great, metropolitan, world-class state of Georgia said it best. I am paraphrasing here because I am too lazy to find the exact quote. OK OK I will find the exact quote. And here it is. From the CNN.com.

"For every increase you make in the minimum wage, you will cost some of them their jobs," said Sen. Johnny Isakson, R-Georgia.

He described the clash as a "classic debate between two very different philosophies. One philosophy that believes in the marketplace, the competitive system ... and entrepreneurship. And secondly is the argument that says the government knows better and that topdown mandates work."

So there you go! Free market! Apple Pie! That big word that starts with E that the president can not pronounce. All a giant crock of bullshit.

The reality is that there IS enough money being generated by McDonalds to raise wages - they just do not want to. Same for Wal-Mart. But here is the catch - if wages go up, then profits MUST go down right?

Wrong. Profits do not have to go down. But then that means prices go up, which triggers inflation and makes the $2 raise null and void! Right???

Wrong again. Neither of these two things HAVE TO happen. But republicans do not want to think about that. They will call me a communist for saying this (as if having ONE PARTY dominating all three branches of government is NOT communist or fascist) but here it goes.

The only thing that would need to go down is the income of the top 3% - 5% upper managers. And we are not talking whopping 20% pay cuts here (which by the way is far LESS than airline pilots have seen their pay drop while top managers continue to make millions). A single digit decrease would be more than enough. Lets take the same 3% - 5% figure.

AGGHHH!! That is communist talk!! How DARE YOU say that top managers should cut their pay! They DESERVE all that money!

They do? Really now. Does the CEO of McDonalds make a single cheeseburger in a year? Does the CEO of Wal-Mart ring up a single sale in a year? How does McDonalds and Wal-Mart make their money - SELLING STUFF or selling management theories?

But, greed is good. Gordon Gecko said this in the 1980s. And nothing has changed. Greed IS good - at least under our market system. Managers would rather lay off thousands of people and ship production overseas than give up a single dollar of personal income.

But what about the stocks!!! A wage increase would lower stock value, which would hurt middle class Americans who invested their hard earned money in the market!

No, it would not. Not if the upper managers gave up just a tiny little bit of salary and bonuses to keep profitability at expected levels. They would just make that tiny bit back with their stock options anyway - so it is not like they would loose anything.

But the mere idea of giving up a little bit of income so someone not as good as them can make just a little bit more makes them cringe. People like Trump care as much about the middle class as I care about the fire ants in the backyard.

During the Cold War, the Soviet Union did not understand Capitalism. This is why they lost. The Soviets tried to out spend the USA, which they could not do. They did not understand that the power of America is its GDP - not its nukes. It took several decades, but they lost when the Soviet System went bankrupt.

The Chinese are smarter. They sat back and watched what was going on. They learned our system. Nixon opened up trade relations with China back when China was a fourth world nation. He did this in part to freak out the Russians.

But China knows Capitalism. They know what our weakness is. And our weakness is greed. Our weakness is Capitalism.

And look at what China has done. They keep wages super low. They make factories super cheap to operate. They encourage nations to export production to them, and then send those nations back cheap crap. Much cheaper than it could be built at home.

And corporations love it. They can make huge short term profits. Stock values can go up. All they have to do is send jobs to China! Workers on the low end of the income scale have to compete with overseas labor. This keeps all wages low. This means they can make more.

And when China's GDP is higher than the USA - the Yuan will become the currency of choice for world markets. China will own most of the production for the world. And the corporations that allowed this to happen will simply move the company HQ over there. Large companies are no longer "American" or "French" or "German" - they are just organizations that do business where ever business conditions are the best. GM would leave America in a second if upper management thought it would make them more money. Jobs? Who cares! So long as the movers still have their jobs that is.

This is why the minimum wage will not be raised anytime soon. The people at the top do not want it. The CEO and CFO and all the other senior managers do not want it to happen.

And our leaders do not care. They are all on the take anyway. The stunt by the democrats was done just to get votes in November. They do not really care either.

Attention World - Everyone Who Lives In Miami Is Retarded!

This is what Miami told the world yesterday and early this morning. Yes, everyone who lives in Miami IS retarded. Well maybe not everyone, but enough people that the 5 or 6 who have a brain do not count.

What happened was the Miami Heat basketball team won a game. This caused every single goon in the city to do what they like to do best - be a total asshole. Here is how they did it.

First I think I should point out that Heat games are almost never sold out. People do go to the games, unlike Marlins games (which almost nobody go to UNLESS the Marlins are in the Series), but the only times Heat games sell out are when a "good" team is playing. People were there to see the OTHER team.

But when the Heat went into the playoffs, the hysteria began. People who have never been to a basketball game suddenly became fans. The number of cars with Miami Heat flags started to grow. Tens of thousands of idiots became basketball experts overnight. All because "their team" was winning.

So last night when The Heat won the final game, all hell breaks loose. Thousands of people took to the street, driving around (WASTING GAS THAT THERE IS A WAR OVER) honking their horn. At 1 AM. It was more like tens of thousands really - and possibly as much as 100,000 people. All driving around honking car horns. And illegal train horns that the super mega assholes like to install in trucks.

And why? Why take to the streets over something as retarded as a basketball game? Because "their team" won? Do they OWN the team? Do they PLAY for the team? No, they do not. So how exactly is it "their" team?

Reliable spy contacts in the airport tell me that when the team flies in, they do not even look at people. They expect royal treatment, and just like real royalty they expect the bloody peasants to stay FAR away.

Teachers are barely paid $30,000 a year (first year) and these guys get millions to bounce a ball. Shows why this nation is going down the tubes, and places like China and India - which are making huge investments in education, are on the way to being the economic engines of the world. But who cares! Our basketball team can kick any Chinese basketball team. Of course, who would win in a math contest? A random American student or a random Chinese student? Which is more important?

So at 3 AM, assholes were still driving around my hood, honking their horn and speeding down the quiet residential streets. I guess they did not care that some of us had to go to this place called WORK in the morning. Oh hell no! Because the retarded are not aware of anything outside of their little world.

Next year, when The Heat does not win enough games to get to the playoffs, all the "fans" driving around with Heat flags wasting gas and making noise will have some other team flag - if any at all. This is what happened to The Marlins. They stopped winning - and the "fans" dumped the team. Idiots. All of them. EVERYONE who was out last night is an idiot. Brainless and clueless. And rude as hell, not even thinking that all that noise may keep people that have JOBS from getting sleep.

All that mattered was "their team" won. Everything else is not important. Sports is a POX on all of humanity. Tons of resources are wasted. An obscene amount of money is spent. The players are all treated like they are important to the well being of the planet.

Speaking of people important to the planet, I wonder how many of the idiots driving around last night know that the FDA recently approved a vaccine for cervical cancer, or know a SINGLE researcher who worked on the project? But they can tell you how many points Shaq scored. Which is really more important?

The BEST thing that could happen to the world is if everyone on the planet went just one season without going to a game. Empty arenas. Empty stadiums. Restaurants giving players this thing called a "bill" after a meal (they often eat for free, because they are better than you). And so on.

Lewis The Cat

Maybe you have been following the saga of Lewis The Cat. Then again, maybe not. Either way, this post is for you! Do not forget to click the multiple links for extra humor value! Just not the link above. The first link is just to CNN.com, and is pretty boring. My post is funnier.

This is Lewis with his owner, known only as "some lady". The news is all about Lewis, not "some lady". "Some lady" is not even that important.

Lewis seems to like to attack people. It got to the point where the neighbors were afraid to leave their homes, because Lewis could be in the bushes - stalking them. The police even got involved, and charged "some lady" with reckless endangerment. This is one bad kitty. With nasty, big, pointy teeth.

So just how bad was Lewis? Lets find out! Here is a short list of the charges against him.

1. Using long claws and stealth to attack at least a half dozen people. Clearly, Lewis hates the neighbors. They probably disturb his napping when they mow the lawn.

2. Ambushing the Avon Lady. So Lewis is opposed cosmetics animal testing! Is it suddenly a crime to be opposed to animal testing? Lewis is a CAT - it is not like he can make a sign that says "Avon Sucks" or "Avon Kills Bunnies". All he can do as a cat to show how he opposed Avon is attack the Avon Lady! I say that should be covered by the 1st Amendment. Of course I do not know that Avon does test products on animals - they probably do not. But once again Lewis is a cat. He can not use the internet to research this. And it is also possible he just hates solicitors. Every job comes with some hazards. Of all the crimes he is charged with, ambushing the Avon Lady is the funniest by far.

3. Using asymmetrical warfare. He would go up to people, rub on their leg and purr. Like a good kitty. But when you reach down to pet him and say "good kitty" - you get it. Teeth and fangs. A full on attack.

Here is a quote from a neighbor "He attacks from the back. You never see it coming. He has six toes on every foot, which constitutes a very formidable weapon". This is one foul tempered kitty! He does not look that evil in his picture.

Anyway, the judge put Lewis on Prozac. Seriously. But "Some Lady" took poor Lewis off the anti-psycotic drug because it made Lewis too sleepy. So the Judge offered to let "Some Lady" off on her charges and expunge her record if she euthanized Lewis. She refused. I would refuse too. "Save Lewis" sites started to pop up all over the internet. Lewis has his own Wikipedia article.

So the judge did not sentence Lewis to death. His new sentence is house arrest. Lewis is not allowed to leave his house. To quote the judge, "there are no exceptions. None". The judge sounds serious. Some Lady will get her record expunged if she can keep Lewis indoors for two years. The judge said this is not about a cat, but about people having a right to live in safety in their neighborhoods. From a CAT! We are not talking about Osama Freaking Bin Laden here.

Is this a crazy world, or what? I could not make up anything this good if I tried!

Ongoing War

As I promised, I have a shock mat update.

Last night, the shock mat remained on the sofa. The sofa was dry. I did hear a cat ruckus in the morning, I do not know if it was shock mat related or just general car ruckus - but the point is the furnature is safe once again. The cats are terrified of the couch. They do not even go near it anymore.

So, I am on the deck of the aircraft carrier with a huge banner reading "Mission Accomplished". Only this time the mission IS accomplished. There is no insurgency in sight. But I *DID* find a horked up hairball. On the tile floor where it was easy to remove. Not on the sofa. The Scat Mat rules.

Cat 1, Me 0

Yesterday's post was about the Scat Mat. I got one in an effort to prevent the long haired white cat from going on the couch.

I have no idea WTF is up with this. The cat arrived here litter box trained. She was born into a house cat, and adopted out of a box in front of the supermarket. Not dumped. Not homeless on the streets. The owners of the mother cat were sitting by the box with a "free kittens" sign.

She just recently started to do this crap. She knows what "the box" is, and how it works.

the Scat Mat is a plastic mat with thin wires running through it. It is powered by a 9 volt battery. When you touch one of the wires, you get a mild zap. How could such a device NOT work?

But this morning, the device was on the floor. The cat defeated the shock mat. Somehow she managed to knock it to the floor, and peed on the couch.

The couch has heavy L shaped cushions, in addition to the cushion you sit on. I re-deployed the mat so that the L cushions hold the mat in place. I do not think it is possible for the cat to pull off the mat now.

The one section that has been soiled will probably get tossed. The couch is made of sections - I am using two now and I have another 4 or 5 in storage. Once the battle of the shock mat is over I will asses the battle damage to the cushion in question. If it can be saved, then I will keep it in use. Otherwise, the section might have to be tossed. The cat may be duct taped to the section when it is tossed.

Shock Mat.

I got the Scat Mat today. I am happy to say it seems to be working. Sake discovered the mat very quickly after I turned it on. Some of this discovery was my doing, I found the pissing cat and took her to the mat. I let her do the rest of the discovery.

The humor value was high. The cat jumped on the mat, and right away the Scat Mat went into action. You can hear a ticking sound, corresponding to the electrical impulses. Sake hissed and jumped straight up - only to land on the mat again. This process repeated itself three or four times. Hiss - jump - land - hiss - jump - land - hiss - jump - land - hiss - jump OFF the couch - run off with all her hair frizzed up. Yes, it was funny.

So now it seems the cats are terrified of the couch. Or terrified of the mat. Either way, there will be no pissing except in the cat box. I ust have to remember to remove the mat before I plop down on the couch or else I get a zap. This will only be a problem if I decide I am thirsty and start to drink. If I drink enough, it is possible I will plop down and simply drain the 9 volt battery.

If you have ANY problems with pets going there they should not go - get a Scat Mat. Thay work.

Shock The Monkey

A while ago I posted about Sake The Cat having O.C.D.

The problem has not really got any better. The cat seems to think she can just pee on stuff and it is OK. Like the couch. She has decided that the couch is a good place to piss.

I tried that "cat repellant" spray crap. It did not work. I tried the "guard the couch" thing but that only works when I am there to guard the couch. I even tried the "throw stuff at the cat when she jumps on the couch" thing, but once again that only works when I am there to throw stuff.

So the other day I was looking for objects to booby trap the couch with. Like a rat trap for example. This would work, but it would probably result in a visit to the vet. So I needed something a little more passive than a rat trap. And I found these things.

This is a plastic thing with a bunch of little spikes on it. You place it spike side up on something, and in theory it prevents animals from walking there. It seemed like a solution to the couch problem, so I bought two of them.

Well whoever ivented these things must have owned dogs, because Sake figured out how they work. When I put them on the couch she walked over to investigate. This happens to ANYTHING that moves in. Sake has to investigate it right away. She is the cat equal to TSA at the airport, anything you bring in they look at.

Anyway st first she tried to jump up on the couch. She discovered that spikes suck. So she tried to just put her paws where there were no spikes. This did not work so well. So she decided to just ignore the spikes and sit down. No go there. Next she tried the "lay down" thing, and once again discovered that spikes suck AND they piss you off.

So she jumped down to the floor, and tried to pull the mat off the couch using her paw. But the spikes prevented that! So she tried to bite the mat and pull it off with her teeth. Once again, failure. In defeat, she went off to use the approved cat pissing location - AKA the litter box.

So off to work I go, confident that the plastic mats were the solution.

But what do I find when I get home? One of the mats on the floor, and a wet spot on the couch. THAT FURRY LITTLE BITCH pulled the mat off the couch sometime while I was at work. There was even a little bit of pee on the mat itself, as if the cat were saying "since you like to piss your money away on crap like this, here is a little present".

I put the mats back on the couch and cleaned up the mess. And I ordered the HEAVY ARTILLERY. The SCAT MAT. The Scat Mat is a plastic pad with no spikes, but it does have a 9v battery. When thecat steps on the mat, a circut is created and the cat gets a light ZAP. There are three levels of ZAP to choose from - low, medium, and tazer. According to the people that make the thing, it will not harm your pet, it just zaps them a little bit. On "tazer" the zap is similar to what you get when you get out of your car and static electricity gets you.

So the Scat Mat is on the way. Lets see the furry bitch pull this off the couch and pee on it! The slightest little touch will deliver a ZAP. I think this device will solve the problem. And it will be funny as hell to watch.

Slogging

It is now day 2 of my new schedule. I got screwed out of a day off. Actually this is not 100% true, but close. Depending on how one looks at it.

My OLD schedule had me off Tuesday and Wednesday, on the new schedule I am off Sunday and Monday.

So I worked Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (Sunday was the last day of the old rotation). That is 4 days by my math. Monday, the first day of the new deal, was a day off.

So I worked 4 days and got one day off, then I have to work 5 days to get two days off. Somehow I had a 4 day work week, but only a one day weekend - and no overtime. How the crap does this happen? It seems impossible. It seems like you would need The Mighty Stephen Hawking to start talking about quasars and singularities and stuff to explain this.

But there is some good out of all this. The two days I do not have to be at work till 3:00 PM. Its great. I can sleep late, and still have time to get up and do stuff before I go to work! Kick ass.

But for now I am slogging - while my weekend is on its way. I have a tracking number for it, but I had it shipped UPS ground. I should have had it sent UPS next day air, but I was too cheap.

My Plea To Fox News

So with this hurricane in Floirda, what do I see on the TV news? Reporters giving us "the story" from some beach. You know, wind blowing, rain falling, tree branches falling off, while some twit is standing in the rain saying something like "the wind is really starting to blow!". Duh. Its a HURRICANE. What did you expect, an ice cream party? Clowns throwing pies?

But I have changed my mind about the value of these brave reporters, going to these extreme measures to bring us the news! But why do they send the rookies?

So Fox News, please send Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Geraldo Rivera to cover the next hurricane. I think these three top notch TV news talking heads could show those field reporters a few things about how REAL news is made! They could give the world top notch fair and balanced reports of the storm surge from a category 5 storm! There would be no liberal "revision" history about things like flooded cities! Oh no - not with these news heavyweights on the job!

So please Fox, stick these three on the next beach where a hurricane is going to hit. Life jackets and safety equipment are for liberal wimps - so they will not need any of that stuff.

And CNN - if you guys are smart you will send the one and only Rick Sanchez to the same beach. If you do not do this, Fox will bury you in the ratings game. CNN - you need to send your "big guns" out if Fox sends theirs out. In a naval conflict a battleship will ALWAYS sink a pt boat.

Good Googa Mooga!

Today I start a new schedule. So my weekend changed, and so did my work hours! Here is the way my week looks now.

SUNDAY / MONDAY off
TUESDAY 15:00 - 23:00
WEDNESDAY 15:00 - 23:00
THURSDAY 10:00 - 18:00
FRIDAY / SATURDAY 11:30 - 19:30

Not bad really. So this means TODAY is Sunday! And what am I doing on my day off? What crazy adventure am I off on? Kayaking in Biscayne Bay maybe? Out in the 18 foot Wellcraft drinking beer and "fishing"? Out on the bicycle? Skydiving? Streaking down US1?

No, I am not doing any of that. Why? Well lets see here........

What kind of bullshit is this? Hurricane season started on June 1. Here is hardly a week and change into the 2006 season, and there is already a hurricane chruning in the Gulf Of Mexico. Shit! Us Floridians did not even have time to stock enough beer for this yet!

Really now - this blows dead goats. Miami is not going to get anything except some rain and possibly a little bit of wind out of this - but someone is going to get it. And it seems like it will be North / Central Florida that gets it. My lone day off is shot. I had to work yesterday, and I have to work tomorrow - so I have to go 5 more days for another weekend. Nothing good can possibly come of this. I am even out of beer. Sort of. I do have one beer left, and it is a doozy. I am currently consuming a 750 mL bottle of Saison Dupont. A friend of mine smuggled it in from Gremany. The beer is actually from Belgium, brewed by the Tappist Monks. Not bad stuff really.

I have a theory about this that even Pat Robertson would agree on. God is pissed! Clearly, Florida did something to anger the all-mighty. And I think I know what it is.

In 2000, Floirda "went red". At least we think it went red. Nobody will ever know, because the "winners" got rid of all the evidence. In 2004, South Floirda was a blue / purple, the rest of Floirda was solid red.

And Alabama went red, as did Lousiana, Texas, and Mississippi. These are the FACTS.

Katrina did hit Miami (which was more blue than red), but it was a weak storm. Only a category 1. We lost power for a few days, and gas lines were long. But everyone was mostly ok.

Lousiana and Mississippi got flattened by the same storm. Once again, facts.

My theory holds that because only SOME people in Miami voted red in 2004, we got the weak hurricane. Enough to give us a warning without really screwing things up too much. But majority red states got it.

The Floirda Panhandle (red votes) have had two or three major storms since 2004. The West Coast of Floirda got Charlie, a category 4. Now the "Big Bend" area is getting an early season storm. All these are red voter areas of Floirda!

SO QUIT VOTING RED YOU MUG-WHUMPS!! What more evidence do you need??!?! God is pissed - at YOU! So knock it off already. Your roof will thank you.

And if you think I am wrong about the whole "wrath of God" thing - YOU come up with a better explination. Why is it that Key West and South Beach are fine, while Mississippi gets clobbered? Huh? Explain THAT Pat Robertson you turd!

HELLO POLLY!

This is just too good to pass up commenting on.

It seems that while stumbling through news sites at work (part of my job IS to keep track of what is going on in the world, I have to do weekly reports and everything), I came across this little bit of info.

Angry owners uses dead puppy as a weapon. Here is what happened. Some IDIOT paid money for a puppy. Never mind the fact that dogs are free - anyone with more than three brain cells to rub together knows that all you have to do is go to the pound and there will be hundreds of mostly free dogs to choose from. And if you paid money for a cat - well I am sorry but you are....how can I put this gently....an F-Tard. I have never paid one penny for a cat, and yet I have never been cat-less.

Anyway, this lady paid money to a breeder for a chihuahua. A Chihuahua! Or should I say "aye Chihuahua!". Why anyone wants one of these yappy little mutts is a mystery to me. To be a "dog" said beast should weigh at least 20 pounds. Anything less is more like a "rat".

Drat! Sidetracked again! Getting back to my original rant, the 33 year old woman bought a little rat dog from some TWIT "breeder". When the new owner took the puppy to the vet, she was told that it was at the most 4 weeks old and must be returned to the mother. On her way back to the breeder, the puppy croaked. It kicked the bucket. It was no more. And so on.

Why the TWIT "breeder" even sold the dog in the first place is crazy. Anyone smarter than a bacteria knows that a 4 week old puppy that weighs less then a peanut is NOT ready to be taken away from the mother. Someone ought to smack the "breeder!"

So the buyer did just that. The morning after the puppy croaked, she went back to the person who sold the dog, broke into her house, and beat her USING the dead puppy as a weapon. She tried to get to the basement to get a replacement puppy - which would have probably died too seeing as how it could not be any older than the dead one.

Now what does my brain decidER to do upon reading this story? Laugh. Actually more like a chuckle.

THAT IS HORRIBLE!!! I know you are thinking that. What could possibly be funny about a person beating someone else over the head with a dead puppy?

As many of you probably know, I am a fan of Monty Python. I even bought all the Flying Circus episodes on DVD, along with the Python movies. So of course I INSTANTLY thought of this comedy sketch.

The Dead Parrot Sketch! This puppy is no more! It has ceased to be! It has expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late puppy!

So yea, it was funny. To me anyway. If you have never seen the Dead Parrot Sketch, click the picture. After you watch the video clip, read the MSNBC story. If you do not at least chuckle, you are not a Python fan.

U.S. Department Of State

Being a government employee, you would think that I would not be amazed by this.

About a week ago I sent off my application for a passport. I am going to start collecting those cool stamps!

Anyway, if you have never applied for a passport (in the USA) you need a few things - the least of which are the fees! Oh yes, there are fees. The whole idea that our government should...you know....do stuff for the citizens is COMMUNIST! So there are taxes and fees.

The State Department wants $67. If you are required to apply in person (for new passports OR if your old passport expired more than 15 years ago OR you were 16 or younger when your old passport was issued to you) then you will have to pony up another $30. The going fee for passport photos is $15.

I applied at the post office. This is the most lazy way to apply, and I am all about the lazy! Of all the 7 deadly sins, sloth is by far what I am best at. I would be better at lust, but the sloth gets in the way. By the way, "lust" as one of the deadly sins is not exactly what it was originally - a better translation is "luxury". But some Pope decided that "luxury" was actually good, and changed it to "lust" which is dirty and icky - assuming that you are not lusting over some altar boy.

Anyway.......the post office will let you pay all the fees directly to them, and then they somehow send the $67 to the State Department using the "FM Principle" (F$%*ING MAGIC).

But I know better! Yes, I work for the Government! Thou shalt NEVER fail to send the government your fees using a personal check! And here is why!

My check was cashed. But when I go to the State Department website and click "check on your passport application" nothing comes up!

This is not the first time this has happened. When I sent my stuff off to the State Of Florida for my CWP, they also cashed my check, but then they sent back the application because the fingerprint card was not valid.

Anyway, I called the State Department today. The nice lady who took my call was able to use her computer to find my application. Everything is OK with it.

So now all I have to do is chill out, something I am a pro at. I should have my stuff by mid to late July.

So remember, ALWAYS pay your government fees with a personal check. When the check is deposited, you know that agency X got it!

This is a public service announcement, brought to you by someone who would rather be living on a sailboat docked in Bermuda and wealthy enough to not have to worry about stuff like "work" or "taxes" or any of that crap.

Vacation Plans

Under normal conditions, I choose to not plan what to do during my summer. This is because I usually just go to Sanibel Island, only a three hour drive from where I am right now. I have been to Sanibel Island a whole bunch of times and therefore I just go and do whatever the crap I feel like doing each day. There is not really anything on the island that makes me say "I have never done that". But I like the place anyway, so I keep going. I like not having the pressure of planning anything. I like being able to wake up whenever and then do whatever. Rum drinks at 11 AM? OK! Why not! Its not like I had anything planned.

But the main vacation I am going on this year is not the same. It is going to FORCE me to make plans. So I figured why not just get it over with now? That way I can forget about it, and it will be like I just wake up and do whatever the crap I feel like doing. Sort of. Only the "crap" I feel like doing that day is the same crap I decidered to do today! I *AM* the decider! That other guy who claims he is the decider is an imposter.

Anyway, here are the details!

Step one - get on the boat.

Here is the boat, docked at the Port Of Miami.

Step 2 - Key West. Why not go snorkeling?

And why not get to the snorkeling reef on board a 60 foot sailing yacht? I like sailboats. By the way, this is the actual sailboat.

Step 3 - Mexico. I think I want to see some Mayan Ruins! So Tulum it is!

That is pretty much it. I will figure out how to pass my time on the big boat when I get on board. After all, I DO need time to just do whatever I feel like doing - without having to think about it for more than 30 seconds.

What Is Wrong

Friday night I had to attend a work function - OFF THE CLOCK. It comes with the job - sometimes I have to go to stuff for which I am not paid for.

so what was it that I had to go to? Oh just a Consular party at the Biltmore Hotel. It was an Italian Consular party. At The Biltmore Hotel - the most exclusive hotel in the most exclusive city in Dade County. There was free Italian Food and free Italian Wine and stuff. Ill tell you, it was rough. There were a bunch of food and wine tables set up, and I felt obliged to visit each one. The food was great, and while I am not a big wine person I will drink the stuff. And if it is free how can it possibly be bad?

So I left happy. Not drunk, not stumbling around - just happy. Content. OK with the universe. Zen. That sort of thing.

It amazes me the sacrifices I will make for my job.

But during the evening I had a little talk with my supervisor. The topic was "what is wrong with the system". Here is what I said.

You can tell what is wrong with the system by simply flying to Nevada. Get a window seat in the aircraft. When you cross the Mississippi River (assuming you live EAST of the Mississippi) look out the window. You will notice the landscape getting browner. But every so often you will see a patch of green. What are those green patches? Golf Courses.

Ungodly amounts of resources are dumped on these green spaces in the desert. Water. Fertilizer. Lawn mowers. And so forth.

And why does this happen? Why the hell do people who live in OR go to a DESERT expect to be able to play golf on a lush green course? One day there WILL be a conflict with Mexico over water - and what are we doing with that water today? Dumping it on some retarded golf course.
THAT is what is wrong with everything. Golf courses in the desert. And I seem to be the only one who can realize this.

Locked Out?

Commenting on Saur's blog just now made me realize a few things.

1. This blog pretty much presents many of my thoughts and opinions - and they are not exactly what you will hear on the State Run News (Fox).

2. I sent the Republican National Convention Monopoly money during the 2004 elections. They felt the need to include me in their fund raising mail list, so I sent them the contribution they deserve. Bullshit money for bullshit policies I say! Not that I was a huge Kerry fan, I figured we could just get rid of him in 4 years.

3. I have sent letters to a bunch of people in the State Of Florida government (which is how the RNC got my address by the way). The last letter I sent off was about a casino measure in South Florida. Voters in one county voted to ALLOW Vegas style machines, Jeb Bush fought the measure. When the voters approved it anyway, Jeb wasted NO TIME using his power as governor to undermine the will of the voters. My letter said "quit screwing around and honor what WE THE PEOPLE voted for. You are NOT the boss, the voters are." The point is they were NOT letters of support.

On top of this, my application for a passport required me to state when I planned to travel, and where I was going.

Now lets put all the pieces of the puzzle together, and add a twist of conspiracy theory!

The powers that are do not need to try very hard to figure out who I am. Hell, I admitted to sending Monopoly money to the RNC! How many other people did this? And my name was nicely pre-printed on the thing I sent back in with the "contribution". And they know I am going to Mexico in August. They know the day I am leaving, the day I plan to arrive, where I am leaving from, and the ship I will be on (CBP gets a passenger manifest of all ships and planes arriving to the USA from an international location).

So....will they let me back in? Only time will tell. I will hedge my odds and remember to bring back some good stuff from the duty free shop. That way if I am locked out at least I will have a few days supply of rum. Maybe Ill get myself a grand sailing ship and be a pirate! Yarrrrrg!

I will need a parrot. And treasure to plunder! Or maybe I will have to be like Cheech in that "Born In East L.A." movie, and find a way to sneak across the Mexican / US border.

Do We Really Want To Know?

As you may have heard, it seems that some people - people who were NOT "terrorists" - were slaughtered by U.S. Marines in Iraq. How do I know they were not terrorist? Well some of them were children. Some were infants. Some were old, and of limited mobility. And so on.

From what the military has said, AFTER trying to cover the incident up with some kind of lie about a fire fight with insurgents, this seems to be the "cause". A group of Marines were on patrol when a road side bomb killed one of them. In a fit of rage, they rounded up civilians and shot them to death.

But was "rage" truly the cause? I do not think so. There is no doubt in my mind that the investigation will list "rage" as a leading cause - but this is a lie.

So then what was the cause? Society does not truly want to know. But I know, and now you will know.

Military training is designed to take away humanity. It starts with the head shaving and uniforms. Everyone is made to look as similar as possible. Any trace of anything unique or different is removed.

Lets face some facts here, the military is NOT trained to arrange flowers. War is a messy job, with a lot of blood and death. To survive on a modern battlefield, you HAVE TO leave your humanity behind - or else you will probably die - because chances are the guy shooting at you has also lost his humanity. If you hesitate to shoot, who is to say that the other guy will do the same?

Now consider that most recruits are 18 or 19 years old. They are trained to follow orders, not question anything, and be able to remove their humanity much like they can remove a shirt. Then they are given a gun and sent off to a hostile environment.
The stress these guys are under is greater than ANYTHING anyone who is not there can possibly imagine.

And what happens when the stress and fear causes a breakdown? If your humanity is what prevents you from being a monster, what happens when that is taken away from you?

I think we know the answer. And NO, I am not saying the troops are "monsters". I am merely stating that when ANYONE looses the thing that makes them human, they have the potential to do inhuman things. Anyone. Even myself. Even you.

I predict that the investigation into what happened will end up in the conviction of a few low ranking marines. I say this because of what happened in the "naked dogpile" prison when the private first class photographed pointing became the major target of the investigation. Let the guy at the bottom take the fall seems to be a theme of the Bush Administration. Compare this to the Janet Reno Waco Standoff incident - who accepted the blame for that? Was it the guy who threw the smoke bomb in the house which started the fire? No, the person sitting in Washington DC and not anywhere near Texas took FULL responsibility.

And there is another reason why this incident CAN NOT be allowed to trickle up. Saddam Hussein is on trial for the death of 25 people. Now Hussein did not kill the people - he ordered others to do that for him. And he is being held accountable for that - not the people that carried out the orders. That is how these things usually work in these matters - go after those with rank, not after those at the bottom of the command structure. This is based on the theory that an organized military has discipline, and that nothing can happen without someone in command authorizing it.

But if this standard applied to the US Military, what would it mean? How far up the chain would things trickle? Who would stand trial if the investigation finds that there was a slaughter? Would it stop at a Sgt? Lt. Col? General? Secretary Of Defense? The Commander In Chief?

So some young soldier will end up taking the rap. And there WILL be someone to take the rap. The White House has already said that civilians WERE executed, and that there will be photos released. This did happen. The reports are horrific.

For the record, if they do only put a foot soldier or two on trial - I am calling bullshit. Leave the guys at the bottom alone - at this point they have gone through more than anyone should have to go through.

But we all know that they will just hang the lowest ranking people they can out to dry, while the person pulling the puppet strings remains on the job.

Dirty Jobs

Yes, this would be a dirty job. But truly, someone should do it.

Sometimes modern hippies can be funny.