Control

In life, there are things you have control over and things you do not have control over.

For those things I do not have control over, I try to deal with them by not worrying about them. What good does it do? It is not like I have any control over it. Whatever shit happens will happen, and there is not a whole lot I can do about it.

It is not a perfect system, but it has its value in its simplicity. For example, say a hurricane is on its way. I do what I have to do to get ready - but beyond that what good does it do to worry about things like the roof getting ripped off your home? It is either going to happen - or it is not going to happen. Either way, you can not change the outcome.

Well, right now there is some crap that COULD end up having some sort of effect on me. The scale of the effect is not yet known. I will find out more tomorrow.

But from the looks of it, I will end up having time to do stuff again.

Open Weekends

I never work on my weekends. It is some sort of rule I decided to invent. Early union organizers fought HARD for weekends, and I am not about to screw that up. So I do not work on my weekends.

But what happens when I have to work on my weekends? Like say I decide that I need the extra overtime pay or something. How do I get around my hard and fast rule?

EASY! I invented two new days. I call them "Post-Friday" and "Pre-Monday". Here is how they work.

Say I am asked to report to work on my "Saturday". Well working on Saturday is Just plain DEPRESSING! So I rename the day "Post-Friday". THERE! Now it is not so depressing is it? I mean, it is NOT Saturday! It is Post-Friday! So the week runs from Monday to Friday, then is Post-Friday then Sunday.

And if I have to report to work on "Sunday" I simply call it Pre-Monday. Once again, not so depressing. It is not like it is Sunday or anything, it is Pre-Monday!

And this is how I can say I never work on Saturday or Sunday. It is just that sometimes I have to invent new days for a week. Well not really invent NEW days, just rename a few.

This week contains both a Post-Friday and a Pre-Monday. Tomorrow is real Monday.

Grow A PAIR Already CNN

I think Bob Barker got to the American Media. You know Bob Barker. He ends every show with "have your pets spayed or neutered".

So the media has been neutered as well. The nuts have been chopped clean off. And not even a marble was placed into the empty sack! There is simply nothing there.

Jerry Falwell was on some lame CNN talking head show recently. He supposedly referred to Hillary Clinton as "Lucifer". Whatever. I really do not care too much about that. And depending on how you take his whole statement, you may conclude that he did not call Hillary anything. What he said, in an (empty) nutshell was this:

"if Lucifer himself ran, it would not energize my base against him as it would if Hillary ran". Or something like that. In other words, Jerry's base would be more likely to vote for The Devil than for Hillary.

Of course this makes sense to me. Look at who his base votes for! According to Chavez, his base DID vote for The Devil!

But I do not believe in a devil - so all that "devil" crap I take with 1/4 grain of salt. It is not worth a whole grain.

Now for the NUTLESS part. Jerry said that if the GOP nominates a someone who "is pro life and for family values" they will win the election no matter who the democrats put up.

Now at this point the CNN guy had a chance to shut that fat ass piece of TURD down forever. And yes, Falwall is a TURD. Here is a so-called "minister of the Lord" who lives in a big ass mansion, owns vast tracts of land, has a large amount of wealth, probably has never driven in any car that was more than 5 years old, and probably hires servants to wash the fat folds in his back. He got some of this money from his family - but a large chunk of the money came from "preaching".

And we ALL KNOW that Jesus was a rich man. Why, Jesus would also accumulate millions of dollars and live in a huge house.

So Jerry Falwall is a PHONY. If he truly believed in the stuff he says, he would not be a multi-millionaire. He would choose to live a step or two above poverty, and then use the rest of the money to feed people.

What I would have asked Falwell was "what is so pro life about rushing to war?" or "how exactly does starting a war based on false information promote family values?"

It would have been fun to hear the turd try to deflect those questions.

But did the talking goon head on CNN ask these things? Nope. He let it slide - unchallenged. Liberal media indeed.

Lowering Of Standards

This is classic. Like the great squirrel story, or Lewis The Cat, I could not make this up.

The other day I get home from work to find some unsolicited crap hanging from the door knob. Here is the ACTUAL TEXT, unmodified by me.

Dear Home Owner:

How the real estate market is today I still have a ready qualified buyer for your property. I am mortgage broker, that is why I am asking you with all respect if you want to sell your property please call Janett Benedict at (786) 210-8403. Don't wait to long the market will worst! 1st Choice Realty Group. Thank you.

--- END ---

The note looks like it is a photocopy of a real handwritten note. It was written with a felt tip pen, and the ink has not bled through the paper. Stapled to the note is a business card.

Now I am not some sort of grammar expert / language nazi, but in this case I will make an exception.

This note is VERY POORLY written. I am mortgage broker?!?!? Hell, I Tarzan! So there! Me Tarzan, you mortgage broker. The market will worst??? The market will worst what??!

By the way, that number is real, as it is on the note and the business card. It is a cell phone number. SPAMMERS TAKE NOTE! Spammers should also snag this email address: jbenedict@1stcl.net
The fax number is (786) 272-0045. All junk faxes are welcome!
The office number is (305) 500-5595

How this person managed to become a mortgage broker / associate will remain a mystery to me. It seems that standards are VERY LOW at this firm. They would hire one of my cats if they would hire a twit who can not even write a simple note.

And ANYONE who would use this person, or this firm, for their mortgage broker needs deserves whatever they get. How can someone who can not write a few simple sentences possibly understand stuff like 30 year adjustable rate mortgages?

Standards are at an all time LOW in America. And I see no evidence that anyone has a problem with this. Hell look at who was elected for President - twice. Can not form a sentence? NO PROBLEM! It seems nobody else can either.

And those of us who can still use proper grammar, read and understand anything more complex than "The Bernstein Bears" books, or do math are written off as "Ivy Tower elitist" who are out of touch with mainstream America.

I am starting to think they are right. Maybe anyone with an education beyond the 8th grade IS out of touch with the mainstream.

Weekend Post

I need to go somewhere. I do not yet know where. Maybe the Blue Ridge Mountains? Or how about Washington DC? I hear all the museums are free there. And of course by "free" I mean I already paid for admission to all of them thanks to the magic of income taxes. And gas taxes. And alcohol taxes. And so forth.

Getting the time off to go somewhere should not be too much of a problem. I have a good 30 days in the bank now. But this is not really important. It does not matter what the time bank is.

The problem is - nobody I know can just pack up and take off to someplace. I can, but that is because I am special.

So my "go somewhere" has to be somewhere inside Florida. Or at least somewhere I can drive to in a day. So that kind of limits my choices a little bit. DC is out.

I know people that live in Central Florida, so there is an option for a weekend trip. It is only a 4 hour or so drive. Not too bad. Maybe I could even add an hour or so to the drive and meet them in Orlando.

The point is I would be there and not here. Here could start to get rather boring soon.

But first thing is first! I have to be at work tomorrow. At 5 AM. It is currently 11:20 PM and I am still up. I may have to stay at work till 6 PM. Then be back at 4 AM Monday. But at least I will get to leave at noon on Monday. That will not be so bad.

I can think more about where I can go next week. I will have more time then.

Monday

You know what? It is not so bad that Friday for the known universe is Monday for me. Really. So what if my "weekend" is Wednesday and Thursday. It all works out. And here is how!

First off, what happens in the office on Friday? EVERYONE is pre-occupied on the weekend. For most people, their brain leaves work by 10:00 AM and their body has to catch up at 5:00 PM. People are more likely to physically leave work early - to get a jump start on the weekend.

In short, it is easy to hide from the boss. If you need to. I do not need to, because I do what I am supposed to do. I get along with the boss. But if I NEEDED to hide from the boss on my Monday, it would not be too hard. You get the idea here.

And then my Tuesday and Wednesday are "ghost office days". Nobody is there. Well almost nobody. Just me, and two or three other people in my division with weekend shifts. And the cleaning people. Every so often security sweeps the floor, to check if the doors are locked and stuff.

You know what this means. OFFICE CHAIR RACES! Congo lines. Putting my feet up on stuff. Playing fun games with the photocopier. Coffee breaks. And so on. Being in the empty office is not so bad.

By the time the office is full of people again, it is already THURSDAY! But for everyone else it is Monday. So while everyone else is foot dragging, I am all hopped up! My weekend is almost here!

And of course on Tuesday, when everyone else is 100% back from their weekend and the work week truly begins, it is already Friday for me. Everyone is all like "what are YOU so happy about?" Then I get to say "because today is FRII-DAYY" and do the happy dance.

Oh yea, and on my weekend everyone else is at work. The boat ramps are totally EMPTY. The stores are mostly empty. It is super easy to find places to park. I can hang out at the local tavern and have a beer or two with lunch - while everyone else GLARES at me because they have to go back to work after lunch and can not have a beer. But they WANT one.

All in all, it is not so bad.

So Many Things To Do

Today is my Sunday. So guess what that means? Tomorrow is Monday. But for everyone else on Planet Earth it is Friday.

So when I get to work sometime tomorrow, all the non-shift people on the floor will be all "Yea! Its Friday!". And I get to be Gloomy Gus cause it is Monday. I will be like the monkey on the famous "I hate Mondays" poster. Monday Monkey lives for the weekend you know.

Of course I squandered my Saturday. I did pretty much nothing - and it was glorious!

Actually that is not 100% true. I did get my truck fixed. And I also picked up an el-cheapo spotting scope from Radio Shack on closeout. I also got the weekly feast for Max The Lizard.

So here is what I have to do today!

1. Run the boat engine for a little while.
2. Get my hair cut - may not get done
3. Buy more cat litter.
4. Change the cat box litter.
5. Figure out what is for lunch and dinner. I am thinking some wings from Titanic for lunch, and for dinner........something else. Vegetable fried rice maybe? Sounds good to me.
6. Find this mysterious "Crown liquor" place. I hear they have a decent selection of beer. And they have English Mead! Maybe they will even have Braggot Mead, which could very well be the first ale. Braggot is mead brewed with hops. But I will take a short mead (designed for quick consumption) or a sack mead (extra sweet). Whatever.

But first, I have to get my ass up. Otherwise, nothing will get done.

Something Screwy Going On Here

First off - the squirrel story is true. 100% not bullshit. I could not have made that story up if I tried to. The stolen guns part I could have made up - but that was true as well. There WERE hot guns in the car, stuffed under the floor.

Which brings up a question. Say I rent a car. I drive it somewhere. On the way, I get pulled over. The cop asks if they can run a dog around the car. The dog finds drugs stuffed under the floor - drugs I did not put there. I hide my stash in front of the engine air filter.

Of course the cop is going to believe me when I say "those are not my drugs! I did not know they were there!". Something to think about next time you rent a car!

Second point - nobody is leaving comments! I know people are getting here. Neo Earth is collecting plenty of yellow dots. Do you all WANT the terrorists to win? I guess so!

Now for the good part! The check engine light in the truck is off. I got tired of looking at it, so I cut the wires that power the light. So now it is off! Take that pollution control system!

I made that up. I got the thing fixed. I also had the internal workings of the engine pressure cleaned. Whatever carbon deposits that were in there should be gone.

And nobody found the stash I forgot to remove from the air filter box. Nifty.

Adventures In The Mid-West

My parents decided to take a trip to Branson, Misery. Did I say Misery? OOPS! I meant Missouri.

I did not go. There are many reasons, but the main on was they were going to Branson. Now I have never been there - but it seems to me that the place is GREAT if you are.....you know......old. I mean - there is nothing in Branson except a bunch of theaters and stage shows. WOW! Major excitement there! How could I miss a show at The Lawrence Welk Theater! The bubbles! The bubbles!

Also, while I DO have the required amount of time in my annual/holiday leave bank - taking a whole two weeks and a few days off would put a major dent in my account balance. Enough of a dent to possibly rule out having the time bank to go to Europe early next year. Or at least leaving my balance close to zero after both trips.

But, it seems I DID miss a lot of excitement. They have been in Branson for something like two days and ALREADY here is what has gone down.

1. One morning my parents, and an aunt and uncle from Mississippi were getting ready to go somewhere. My dad leaves the door of the rental car open, and the car keys on the seat. BAD IDEA!! He should have known better, being a resident of Miami and all.

A gang of squirrels invaded the car. That's right - squirrels. As the people walked up to the car, the squirrels went nuts because they were trapped. The only open door was the one with people by it. So, the people backed off to allow the squirrels to make their get away.

And they DID get away. With the rental car keys. The last squirrel out grabbed the keys, and was to hell and gone in a flash. With the car keys.

Of course this left the humans standing there, with a ton or so of metal and plastic rendered totally USELESS because a squirrel stole the keys. Nobody could find the keys anywhere.

So they called the cops. What else can you do when you are robbed by squirrels?

The rental company in Miami was contacted to see if they could send more keys to Branson. They could not. All the keys to that car were in the possession of a squirrel. And being a rental car, nobody could make more keys.

So the thing had to be taken to Saint Louis on a flatbed truck, and another car was sent back to Branson.

A few hours later, my dad gets a call from the Saint Louis police. It was a detective. He wanted to know if anyone left anything in the car.

You see, the rental car people in Saint Louis DID find something in the car. So they called the police. The police took the TWO objects and ran a trace on them. It turns out that the rental car contained....

TWO STOLEN HANDGUNS!

Yes, not one but TWO stolen handguns. Hot gats. The stolen guns were stuffed under the floor carpet. Who knows how long they had been there. The car was rented from a major company, probably Hertz or Enterprise. My dad likes to rent from these companies. He picked it up at the main lot located near Miami Airport.

Welcome to Miami! Here are the keys to your Malibu sir! Please take this map of the area and remember that if you get road rage or someone tries to jack you, there are two stolen guns stashed in the car for your convenience!

Now THAT is great customer service.

Why the cleaning people in Saint Louis found the guns while the cleaning people in Miami failed to locate them is probably under investigation right now.

One possibility is that the guns were not put in the car in Miami.

The main suspects are the squirrels. They are known car key thieves, and are wanted for questioning in connection to stolen guns. Do not try to confront the squirrels yourself, they should be considered to be possibly armed and dangerous. Contact the Branson or Saint Louis Police, or call 1-800-CRIME-TV.

The Verdict

I tossed out the spinach. Better safe than bloody liquid poop running down your leg and collecting in your shoes while you are in a CBP area with a Minister Of Foreign Affairs. That would suck.

So that is over.

For my next post, I will just reach deep into the magical top hat and pull out........one moment please...........one more moment please.......

AH HA! A celery stick! Wait. That is not very good at all. Stupid top hat!

Anyway, today is going to be an action packed day of fun, excitement, mystery, and possibly even some intrigue! Here is how it will go:

1. Arrive to work early, at 9 AM as opposed to 10 AM.
2. Excitement for an hour or so
3. Take a very short break for a sip or two of water
4. MORE EXCITEMENT!
5. Get coffee.
6. MYSTERY TIME! I like mystery time. You never know what to expect. It could be anything. I think that the butler did it, but the possibility exists that it was Professor Plum.
7. Lunch.
8. Get my daily exercise pushing my luck, dodging responsibility, and running away from work.
9. Begin to prepare to go home.
10. Finish preparations to go home.
11. Go home.

This is what a typical work day is like. OR IS IT!?!?!?! Nobody knows. It is a secret. A lot of the stuff I process at work is marked "do not release this outside your agency / department". Not that it is super top secret stuff, but lets be honest here - what employer wants employees to blab EVERYTHING that goes on to the general public? None. All employers have some kind of "keep your trap shut" policy. Even Burger King has such a policy, lest someone learn the secret of Whopper assembly - and just how many rat droppings there are in the kitchen.

Why Sales Suck

Anyway, the other day I was at the supermarket. I needed some more beer. I was all out.

TANGENT TIME! Summer must be over. Samuel Adams Summer Ale (Official Boat Beer Of The Summer 2006) is nowhere to be found. In its place is Octoberfest Beer. Octoberfest beer is malty and sweet. Not bad stuff really. On a nice cool day the stuff really hits ye ole spot. The next seasonal by Sam Adams is the Winter Ale. Winter Ale is OK, but it is spiced with nutmeg and crap. Not really my style, but I will still have one. Maybe two. But no more than that. I have my limits.

OH YEA! I found a place that has Sierra Nevada Pale Ale on tap! Great stuff. Truly, the Sierra Nevada Brewery is a blessing to this nation. Some may say the stuff is too hoppy and "bitter", but I call those people wussies. They sound a lot like this.

WAAA WAAAA! This beer is too bitter! I demand you take it back and return with a pint of crappy beer that tastes like old Cheerios at once! And DO NOT SKIMP on the horse urine ok! Last time I came here and ordered a crappy beer I know you held back on the good stuff!

But that is not the point of this pointless post. I forgot what the point was. So I will make up a new point that has nothing to do with beer.

OH YEA! The other day I was at the supermarket to buy beer. And while I was there I figured that I might need some food. So I bought some. I am experimenting with creating a curry sauce, so I got the stuff I need for that. An onion, some garlic, a tomato, plain yogurt, and so on.

I also bought stuff to make my work lunch salads. And what is my favorite thing to put in a salad? SPINACH GREENS! Yes, spinach greens. Screw lettuce. Give me spinach, or give me DEATH!

And I might just get death. The stuff was on sale. 2 bags for three bucks! So I got two bags.

And now for the DEATH part. I get to work today and start on my daily "what the crap is going on in the world today" research. It is important that I know what is going on for my job.

On the front page of the CNN website, was the DEATH part. E. Coli bacteria has made people in 20 states sick. And where did this funky ass funk come from? Could it be......SPINACH GREENS?!?!?!

Yup. That is where the USDA thinks the funk is from. Spinach greens. And I had just bought two bags the day before. Did I keep the receipt? Hell no. I tossed it.

Part of me wants to shit all over the warning and just eat the greens. Why not? I am not a small child or an old fogey. Most likely, I would not die from a little E. Coli bacteria in my food. Also, those who got sick supposedly ate the greens last week, or the week before. And only 100 or so have actually had a problem after eating the uncooked spinach. 100 people in 20 states in a nation of over 300 MILLION people is not a whole lot. So screw the "warning" to throw out the spinach! It is not like 100 people with the green apple quickstep is cause for major alarm! I can probably shit on the USDA warning and just make my work salads.

But on the other hand, part of me does not want to be shitting all over EVERYTHING for the next week because I have the green apple splatters.

Also, I left the bathroom door open last night and one (or more) of the cats DESTROYED the toilet paper. It was all over the place. It seems that at least one cat attacked the roll, unspooling all the paper. Then it was shredded into fluff. I had to throw it all away. And did I have another roll? Hell no. So I have to take a shower after I crap. No big deal - I have to take a shower anyway. And I usually only crap once, after work. Sometimes in the morning - but mostly after work. So no big deal so far.

But with the Hershey Squirts, I would be taking A LOT of showers. Or I would have to buy more ass crack paper.

So what to do? Eat the stuff, or toss the stuff? I will probably not get the mud butt, but then again I might. Of course, I might get the runs from some other source even if I DO toss the spinach.

I still have the stuff. The bags are not open. I DO have some collard greens in a bag, I could eat that. But who is to say that the fresh uncooked collard greens are not contaminated with some manner of presently unknown funk? And I like the spinach better.

All this just plain sucks. Sort of anyway.

Check Engine Light

So a few days ago I am driving to work, and the infamous "check engine" light came on.

Of course when I got to work I lifted the hood and checked the engine. It was still there, so that was good. It looked the same as it did last time I looked at it, so more goodness! All the hoses were still there, all the belts were still there, and there was no fire or smoke. And no snakes, frogs, toads, birds, beavers, rats, or other critters.

OK! So I checked the engine! Everything looked fine, nothing unusual to report. I closed the hood and started the truck. The light should turn off seeing as how I did check the engine as the light suggested.

But it was still on. So I decided to worry about it later and just go to work.

For the next 4 or 5 days I continued to drive to and from work with the stupid light on. I noticed to Friday morning while driving to work. I was not going to get up early Saturday and take the truck to the dealer. Sunday the service department is closed. Monday I work from 6 AM - 2 PM, but when I got out of work I was too tired to deal with the dealer. Same for Tuesday.

But today is my first of two days off. So I went to the dealer today. The truck is under a 100,000 mile extended warranty so I have to go to the dealer to get the warranty thing to work.

I suspected it was a pollution control part gone bad. Most likely an oxygen sensor or EGR valve. These are fairly cheap parts, easy to replace - and when they go bad the engine runs like shit. Typical effects include the vehicle using too much gas, rough idle, soot out the tail pipe, raw unburned gas out the tailpipe, and so on.

The dealer service monkey said that there are exactly 504 reasons the check engine light will come on. Holy crap! That is an ass load of reasons. The dude said that they would hook the truck up to a computer and figure out which reason(s) caused the light to come on. If the warranty covered the repair then there would be no charge. Otherwise, there is a $80 diagnostic fee which is then applied to the cost of the repair if I choose to have it done there.

Well F that crap! The warranty BETTER cover it. They said "bumper to bumper" and according to what I could figure out the problem was NOT from a source beyond the bumpers. Whatever it was - it was located somewhere behind the front bumper and in front of the rear bumper.

As it turned out it was the stupid oxygen sensor. And it also turned out that the part is covered under the warranty. So there is no charge.

But there is ALWAYS a charge. They suggested an engine cleaning. I had this done at 30,000 miles, and was going to have it done again at 60k. I am almost at 60k, so I told them to go on and take care of it. They will remove the intake manifold, bolt on this thing, and pressure clean the engine of all carbon deposits and other assorted gunk.

I have to take the truck back to the dealer at 0700 - 0800 Friday. They will give me a ride to work, then pick me up after work and take me back to get the truck. The engine cleaning will take place at this point.

It should cost somewhere around $200 for the engine internal pressure cleaning. The sensor, which should cost no more than $40 (probably closer to $20) and computer diagnostic is free.

Auto repair totally rules. Even when the repair is covered by a warranty to costs you $200!

What I Was Doing.

I did not think I would write a post today. But I am going to. Unlike most days that happened 5 years ago, I can remember what I was doing this day in 2001. I suspect that hundreds of millions of people around the globe can say the same thing.

At the time, I was still taking classes at Florida International University. I had classes on this day. But I was just as lazy then as I am now.

So when the first plane hit I was sleeping. My first class was not till 11:30 AM and I did not need to get up till 10:00 or so. My commute to the university was only a few minutes, and I knew where to park without having to hunt for a space. I had my sleep time down to an exact science. I would never be more than 5 minutes early to class and very rarely was I late.

When the first plane hit there were people awake and watching the TV. My mom knocked on my door and said "turn on the TV. Something is going on". My reply was along the lines of "I am not awake yet, Ill turn on the stupid TV later". I am grumpy in the morning.

A few minutes later, the same thing happened. Once again my reply was that I would wake up in about an hour, and to bug me about whatever was going on then. But the bugging did not stop.

"Fine. I will wake up enough to reach for the remote control and turn to CNN - if it will shut you up". I said the "if it will shut you up" part quietly. It is usually a bad idea to say that to your mother. She can hit you and you are not allowed to defend yourself.

Now I had thought, up to that point, that whatever I saw on the TV would not shock me. After all, the idiot box had showed a lot of stuff before. I saw the Space Shuttle Challenger explode on live TV. I had seen the footage of Vietnam and other wars. Bodies floating in the surf at Normandy. Blood in the streets thanks to the "the more blood the better" trend in American Media.

But I was shocked. An aircraft had hit the World Trade Center. This just does not happen. Everyone knows that the airspace around tall buildings is restricted. Even in Miami, where the tallest building is only 55 floors (about 1/2 the size of the WTC towers and by New York City standards not that tall of a building) you never hear jet engines if you are in the tall building district.

I knew it could not be an accident. Pilots are too trained to make a mistake like that. With GPS technology, radio communication, the perfect weather, and back up instruments on a modern jet aircraft it was far too unlikely - impossible - for it to be an accident.

So I called a friend of mine and told him to turn on the TV. He asked why and I said "something major is going on".

"What is it?"

"I do not know exactly, but this is huge. Major".

"Was the President shot or something?"

"No. Bigger than that. I think America is under attack".

"Come on. Under attack? By who? Cuba?"

"I do not know who. But they hit New York City"

So my friend turns on the TV. The next question was something like "Is that the WTC?". Of course both of us knew the answer. Everyone knew what those buildings looked like.

It was about this time that the second plane hit. By this time both of us were watching the TV. When the second plane hit, even the TV was using the word "attack". From that point on there was no more talk of "an accident". It was not an accident.

From there on, everything is not as clear. The buildings collapsed. The Pentagon was hit. Another plane crashed in Pennsylvania. Classes were canceled. Airports nation wide were shut down. People working in buildings downtown left the office. The news reports were coming in so fast that it was hard to keep track of what was going on. I had the TV on CNN, a FM radio tuned to local TV channel 6 audio. Another AM radio was tuned to WIOD 610 AM news radio. I also had a VHF amateur radio tuned into the repeater all the local hams use when something is going on. It was total overload.

After a while the overload got to me. With the TV and three different radios tuned into three different things it was too much. I had to get outside.

When I did walk out the front door I was looking to the north. Towards Miami International Airport. I did not work at the airport, and I was not in the main air traffic lanes, but I could usually see aircraft operating off in the distance.

There were no aircraft visible. All airplanes in the area had already been grounded or turned back to the airport they departed from. It was strange. It was strange for three days to not see a single aircraft.

Later that afternoon I did hear a jet engine. I rushed out of the house with the cordless phone, unsure if I should call emergency services or not.

But it was only some F-16 fighters from the nearby Homestead Air Base, flying in a tight formation over the house. The sky was absolutely quiet for the next three days, except for some birds.

Patriot Day

It seems that September 11 now has a name. My desk calendar says Monday is "Patriot Day". So it got me wondering if "Pearl Harbor remembrance Day" ever had another name. As far as I can tell, it never did. It has always been "Pearl Harbor Day".

So why this name? I would like to think it was a result of careful thought and reflection. However, I am sad to say I think it is more of a political choice than anything else. Patriot Day. Patriot Act. Oppose us and you suck. And so on.

Another thought crossed my mind. Should "Patriot Day" be a legal holiday? I concluded that no, it should not be. Too many people would just use the extra holiday as another BBQ and beer party day. Like Memorial Day is now. I think that this would be wrong on many levels. It is better to keep it like it is now. Five years ago was after all just another work day in the middle of the week. Everyone was firmly stuck in the usual routine. Wake up, get stuck in traffic, get to work, clock in, gather around the coffee machine, and decide where to get lunch. You know, just another day at work.

But it was not just another day at work. And we are where we are today as a result.

There will be no post tomorrow. I will put something up Tuesday when I get home from work.

Moment Of Clarity?

We all know that according to the State run news, we can either fight terrorists "over there" or here.

So we are fighting them over there. So one would think that would mean we do not have to fight them here. Right? This is what Bush and his henchmen have told us. Over and over again. And even more when it is close to election time.

But if we are fighting them "over there" so we do not have to fight them "here", why do we need to give the government power to circumvent international treaties? Why do they need the ability to spy on anyone who lives in the USA - without any court warrants? Why do we have to wear Speedos at the airport? I mean, I am HERE! Not "over there" - and according to the President because we are fighting them "over there" they are not here. Or something like that.

And I wonder what the people of Madrid and London think of the "over there" theory.

And now for the moment of clarity. Here is a DIRECT TRANSCRIPT of what Bush said in an interview when asked about his statement that we can not cut and run, that we must stay until we win or else we will be fighting terrorists in our streets. Here is what he said.

President Bush: "I mean that a defeat in Iraq will embolden the enemy and will provide the enemy more opportunity to train, plan, to attack us. That's what I mean. You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror. I believe it. As I told you, Osama bin Laden believes it. But the American people have got to understand that a defeat in Iraq; in other words, if this government there fails, the terrorists will be emboldened, the radicals will topple moderate governments."

How in the hell can ANYONE support this guy, or believe the random sounds that are emitted by his noise hole? Lets pick this apart.

Sentence 1 - a defeat in Iraq will embolden the enemy. Nevermind that BEFORE the war, the "enemy" was not in Iraq. There were no terror training camps. The US Senate, hardly in the control of terrorist loving Democrats, said so recently. There is simply not any evidence of any link to Saddam and "the terrorists". Saddam had a fairly secular government, and Islamic Fundies were a threat to his power. He did not like them, and did not allow them to operate in Iraq.

Sentence 2 - a sentence fragment.

Sentence 3 - The MOMENT OF CLARITY! An admission that the hardest part of his job is connecting Iraq to the war on terror! Maybe this is because there are no links? Maybe because the whole case for the war was made up?

Sentence 4 - another fragment

Sentence 5 - The invocation of Osama's name! What is it that Osama believes? Who knows. But it seems Bush has told us, we just forgot.

Sentence 6 - I do not know what that is. As best I can tell it is an incomplete sentence, a fragment, a few clauses, and a preposition or two all thrown together into one "sentence". Kind of like a grammar school tossed salad, with a large side of stupidity dressing.

How this guy has any support left is beyond me. Are people really that dumb?

Plans Made!

The trip went over very well! It would have been hard to make it any better really. So here is what I was able to get done!

1. Loaf around in someone else's apartment while the person who pays the rent has to go to work.

2. Wonder around Lakeland, possibly getgting horribly lost. I managed to not get horribly lost, I pretty much stuck to one major road.

3. Improve the quality of life for my friend. I got a remote control for a TV that was missing the remote. No more getting up to change channels, control volume, or turn the thing on or off.

4. Dispose of the Ice Wine. The stuff was really good. It was sweet, and had a "thick" feel in the mouth. I weep for I am out of the stuff. I need to go to Canada and get some more. It is a good enough excuse to go visit Canada. Hell, it is a fantastic excuse.

5. Make the travel plans! This is the most exciting thing of all. The plan is to go to PRAGUE! For a while, we considered Scotland. People there talk funny. But economic realities made me conclude that Scotland would be VERY EXPENSIVE. The US Dollar is pretty much worthless in the UK. Everything would instantly be 80% more expensive, on average. Prague does not use the Euro (yet) so I will get a decent conversion rate.

Anyway, the plans are on paper. But I lost that paper. When/if I find it, Ill put it here. The plans are perfect. Each day there is no more than one or two things on the list, along with ample time set aside for "nothing". Nothing can mean hanging out in a sidewalk cafe watching people and drinking. It can also mean "wow this place is pretty cool! Lets stay here a little longer!". It can mean "Look at that place that is not on the list! Lets go check it out!". Or whatever. Nothing is good. Most people think that nothing is boring - but those people are fools. Nothing is the whole point of a vacation. Planning 500 things to do in 3 days is what makes a vacation suck. You end up rushing from one place to another, never spending enough time in anyplace to really enjoy it and never getting to all the things on the list.

The trip is going to kick mega ass.

I Voted! Did You?

Today was primary election day! Not very exciting. In fact, rather boring. I could only choose among the goobers running for various jobs within my party.

But today I do not want to talk about goobers. I did choose a goober to run for Goobernor of Florida (replacing Jeb - THANK THE LORD FOR TERM LIMITS). OOPS! I said I did not want to talk about goobers, then I mention Jeb. SORRY! Will not happen again!

I skipped most of the garbage on the ballot. But there is ONE judge I did vote for. I voted for Cathrene Banks to be a judge. Here is why.

A few years ago I was in Coconut Grove, at a place called "Mr. Moes". I was (get ready for this) having a few drinks. I was with a friend (who I am getting ready to go see in Lakeland as soon as I finish typing this). It was her night to get sauced, I was just there to navigate to the bar and back home. Like a taxi, only free.

Anyhow there is no rule that says I can not have a FEW beers. No more than two per hour, and no more than 1.5 for each hour there total. In otherwords, if I am there three hours I could safely consume 4 beers. It does not matter if I guzzle the four in the first hour then chill for three hours, or drink one per hour. So long as I do not have more than 2 in that final hour. Or something like that.

Anyway, the point is I was just there to be there. Not to damage my liver. I had to pilot the vehicle without anyone having to go to jail.

Sometime during the night, my friend got up to make a liquid deposit in the ladies room. Drinking does that to you. While she was gone this other older woman, who was also at the bar having a few (or more??) drinks asks me if I vote.

Of course I vote. I have nothing else better to do.

So she gets slightly excited, and gives me her card. She was running for County Judge. She asked if I would consider voting for her.

OH HELL YES! As a general rule, if you are at a bar hanging out and having a good time and it just so happens that you are running for office - Ill vote for you.

And, if all else fails, I figure I can get a lighter sentence if I say "I know you your honor! You gave me your card and asked me to vote for you one night at Mr. Moe's in Coconut Grove! You might not remember it, I do not think you were the designated driver that night. It WAS frozen margarita night after all".

I made the part about frozen margarita night up. I do not remember if there were any drink specials that night. It WAS years ago after all. But the rest did happen. I voted for her in every election since then. I think that makes two now.

Business In Lakeland

Tomorrow, after work and after I vote, I have to bail out of Miami and make for Lakeland. I am all packed and everything. Well almost all packed. And by "almost packed" I mean I have dumped all the clothes out of the bag I took on my cruise. Hey - have to start somewhere!

And exactly what pressing business do I have in Lakeland you ask? Important busainess. Very important business. Business so important, they should give me access to Air Force One to get it all done. THAT important!

But I do not have my own personal Boeing 747, so I have to drive. Bummer.

Anyhow, here are the items on the agenda, in no real order.

1. Bring the Ice Wine so that it may be disposed of properly.
2. Decide when I am going to go to Europe.
3. Book the flight from MIA to LHR then on to AMS. From there I will take the train to Prague and possibly someplace else.
4. Laugh at and heckle golfers.
5. Loaf around in someone elses townhouse on a golf course while they work.
6. Explore Lakeland, possibly getting horribly lost.

This is the good thing about the 6 AM - 2 PM shift. I can get out of work at 2 PM, and be home by 2:30. From there I vote. It is a primary election, but there are some issues that I want to vote NO on.

As for Europe, I will return with flight reservations. Possibly on British Airways. They fly a 747 out of MIA. American Airlines flies the 777. The 777 is a newer aircraft, but I may be able to work out a deal on BA for a business class ticket.

The direct flight from MIA to AMS on Martin Air is out. The person I am going to travel with had a bad experience on Martin Air once. She was puked on by another airsick passenger.

Crappy VCR

Yes. I had a crappy VCR. Actually it was a VCR/DVD combo thing. And it was crappy. It did not even have progressive scan.

I was using it to record some shows last time I had to work some 4 AM shifts. It was working OK, but then one day the tracking was all screwed up. No matter what, I could not stop the picture from jumping all over the place.

But then my A shift days ended, and I had Monday off. So I could stay up till 2 AM (or later) watching Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Then I could watch a REALLY HORRIBLE yet "manly" movie on Spike. I did not need the VCR anymore.

Speaking of "manly" movies on Spike - WHAT GIVES!?!?! We all know Chuck Norris can kick ass in movies like Delta Force. But would it hurt to show some "women's prison" theme movies? Do all "manly" movies on Spike have to feature some karate dude without a shirt kicking ass? Seems kind of.....uhhhh....Suspicious to me. I am just saying. So if you are a Spike Network executive, think WOMEN'S PRISON. A whole lot of horrible movies featuring this theme were made in the 70s and 80s.

Anyway, getting back to something slightly less insane. Once again I have A shifts. But I do not have to show up at 4 AM. I have to show up at 6 AM! I have my alarm set to 4:30 AM. I should probably be on the road no later than 5:30. Assuming I can make it to work in 15 minutes (including parking time) and catch the 5:45 shuttle bus I will make it in on time. But that is really cutting it CLOSE.

And of course, I now need a VCR again. So I tried to get my old one to work. The thing decided to hold the VCR tape hostage. I turn it on, press "eject", and nothing happens. The VCR just turns off.

So I had to buy another one. I am using it now. To record stuff. But I am watching the stuff as it is recording. Kind of retarded now that I think of it!

But whatever. I got a new VCR/DVD combo thing. One WITH Progressive scan output! And I have a brand new remote control to loose, so I can go out and buy a new universal remote - which I can loose again.